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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want people to take my photo at wedding

70 replies

Weddinganxiety · 02/03/2025 21:04

This is a very small problem in the grand scheme of life but also something that affects me massively.
I suffer from anxiety. No1 really knows this as I mask it well. Have just started wedding planning.
I don’t want to wake up the day after my wedding and see other people’s photos/videos , bad angles etc. I hate pictures of myself I pick apart every little thing and i rarely post on s.m I am quite a private person.
My O.h on the other hand doesn’t give a shiny shit if he looks bad and is very sociable .
Im dreading even walking down the aisle tbh . Hate the fact all eyes will be on me.
Would I be unreasonable to ask guests not to take their on pictures /videos ? We have quite large families and friend groups between us .
Also the bride and groom entrance ? Does that have to be a thing ? I’d much rather just enter with all the guests and it be low key .

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/03/2025 21:07

You can ask. It’s not unreasonable to ask. Would you be willing to have a pro photographer and then share some of their photos? That way you can have control over how they look?

In some weddings everyone just mingles before the ceremony. You could do that to take the pressure off.

MyrtleLion · 02/03/2025 21:08

I attended a wedding where we were asked not to turn round and look at the bride as she came in because she was anxious. Photos were different because this was before widespread social media so nobody posted images but did take them.

It is also common to ask people not to take photos during the ceremony but to enjoy it in person and not through a screen.

Perhaps you can ask people not to turn round and to not post or not tag you in the posts? I don't think you'll stop them taking pictures during the reception, though.

Haveyouanyjam · 02/03/2025 21:10

YABU to expect family and friends not
take photos of you at a big event when they will obviously want to do so. However, lots of couples ask no one posts photos until after they’ve posted their own, so you can see the nice or professional ones up first so any bad ones won’t seem so bad anyway. And I’m sure your loved ones will only be posting nice pictures of you on your wedding day!

in terms of entrance that’s totally up
to you and your husband to be, do whatever you want!

Namechangedasouting987 · 02/03/2025 21:11

I think it is quite a big ask to ask people not to take photos full stop. Prof photos can be expensive to buy, and guests will want a record of the day!
You can certainly ask that they are not put on SM, that is entirely reasonable.
I would also think asking for no photos at the ceremony itself is totally reasonable.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 02/03/2025 21:12

I hate people taking their own photos at weddings, thinking they can outdo the professionals. They often actually get in the way of the proper photographer and make their job harder.

I would have the offciant make an announcement before the ceremony starts. “Jane and Steve have asked that you please refrain from taking photos of them during the day please, as they have a professional photographer and will share the photos afterwards. This way you can all focus on enjoying the day. Thank you” I’ve been at a wedding where they said this and it was quite refreshing not seeing all the phone screens popping up as they walked back down the aisle!

fourelementary · 02/03/2025 21:14

Honestly you’re overthinking. If you don’t want to be centre of attention you should really have chosen a quieter wedding and maybe a larger party afterwards. Weddings by default are focussed on the bride… and maybe the groom a little. But the bride. If that’s a big deal for you or causing you Actual anxiety- maybe rethink your wedding plans to better suit your personality

anon2022anon · 02/03/2025 21:14

You can do pretty much whatever you like.

Are you planning on having a photographer? You could aim to have a photographer there of your choosing, someone you feel comfortable with. It might be worth asking for an 'engagement shoot'- that way you can have an hour where they give you a few poses to try, find out what you want to avoid, let them know what you're insecure about to try and work with. Regardless of how you feel in the moment though, you are going to want some images of the day- even if they go in a box for 20 years!

You could ask your guests for an 'unplugged' ceremony

You and your partner are also able to have a couples entrance if you like. I haven't heard of one where guests enter at the same time, but there's nothing to stop you getting ready and travelling to the ceremony with your guests, so there isn't that impact when you walk in the room.

Alternatively, if you don't want to do it, you can just get married the 2 of you.

LuckyBea · 02/03/2025 21:14

Are you sure you want a traditional wedding, OP? That level of anxiety probably means you won't actually enjoy a big wedding...
I think you should organise a wedding that you will love on your own terms z even if that means eloping/ sneaking off just the two of you.

I'm not sure it's realistic to control all the images taken at a traditional wedding, honestly, and it sounds like it could swallow your happiness worrying about it all day (and during the entire run up) if you go ahead.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 02/03/2025 21:15

Namechangedasouting987 · 02/03/2025 21:11

They can make sure they get a photographer who is happy to share all the digital shots meaning that they can share an album with guests to download for free.

I think as long as they stipulate “no photos of bride and groom” that’s fine. They can’t stop guests taking photos of themselves dressed up, but asking them not to photograph bride and groom is reasonable!

BitterTits · 02/03/2025 21:15

I don't understand why it's such a big ask. I hate having my photo taken personally. At our wedding, my uncle and cousin insisted on filming the whole thing then making a big deal of the film itself. I've never watched it, I'd much rather just have my own memories.

ToffeeAppley · 02/03/2025 21:17

I went to a wedding where the vicar came in beforehand to announce that the bride had arrived, and really wanted to see our smiling faces as she came in, so please keep phones down and there will be photos available afterwards.

I think that was such a nice way of doing it that most people complied, and bride got to see a room of smiles, not phones.

Doidontimmm · 02/03/2025 21:17

We asked no phones during ceremony- afterwards everyone said it felt so much nicer as they weren’t distracted by taking photos. We also asked for no photos to be shared of us on Social media. No one even questioned it. 2 friends did share a photo each but asked first!

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 02/03/2025 21:18

ToffeeAppley · 02/03/2025 21:17

I think that was such a nice way of doing it that most people complied, and bride got to see a room of smiles, not phones.

Yes such a nice way of doing it! I can’t believe all the posters agreeing with people taking photos all day TBH! It’s so nice when people are just enjoying it rather than watching it through a screen…

Genevieva · 02/03/2025 21:20

I was just before social media and smart phones with good quality cameras, but my vicar had a blanket rule: no photos during church services. These days, I think it’s essential. Otherwise you’ll have phones waving all over the place.

LostMyLanyard · 02/03/2025 21:20

Plan a small, intimate wedding OP...there's no need to have a big traditional ceremony, that you'll clearly not enjoy!

JoyousEagle · 02/03/2025 21:20

Im dreading even walking down the aisle tbh

Walk down with your partner maybe, if that would help?

I would say just skip the whole aisle thing and be there when your guests arrive. But that might draw more attention because it's unusual so might not work for you.

Every wedding I've been to in the last 10 years has asked for no photos during the ceremony so that the professional photos can see people and not just have people holding up phones. It's pretty standard.

Cattreesea · 02/03/2025 21:23

If you suffer from anxiety you might be better of having a really small, quiet wedding with only a few people.

Trying to control what every guest does and worrying about things all day does not sound like much fun for you or for your guests.

verycloakanddaggers · 02/03/2025 21:27

It's absolutely fine to request no photos/filming.

You can just wait at the front or all walk in together to avoid the aisle thing.

It's your wedding, it's ok to politely request things.

DandelionSmoke · 02/03/2025 21:30

You could ask that people don't put their photos up on social media, pretty standard, that means you won't see them and pick yourself apart.

If the Bride and Groom entrance you refer to is just before the meal, you could always opt out of that and enter withe everyone. It's YOUR wedding, do it YOUR way so that YOU enjoy it. People are changing things up these days and it's very refreshing and more personal. Best of luck.

ElleintheWoods · 02/03/2025 21:35

‘No phones’ wedding. Have people hand them over at the entrance. Sorted and makes it a million miles better

charmanderflame · 02/03/2025 21:37

You don't have to have a big entrance/ walk down the aisle.

We had a fairly large wedding but we did it our own way - we were both already there with our celebrant when the guests came to sit down, so we saw everyone come and take their seats, which was really nice. We didn't do any walking down the aisle.

We didn't have a grand entrance at the meal either, we just went in and sat down.

You can literally do what you want to do. It's your day.

The only thing I think would be a bit unfair is asking people not to take any of their own photos at all - people do like to have their own memories of events. Sometimes professional photographers don't capture everyone/ everything - they can only be in one place at once after all. There were a few people at our wedding who barely features in the professional photos.

You could definitely have a camera-free ceremony though and just allow people to take their own pics before and after. Just search for an 'unplugged wedding ceremony sign' and you'll get some wording ideas.

NoSleep668 · 02/03/2025 21:46

Honestly, are you sure you actually want a wedding then? In my experience, a significant topic of conversation at the wedding will be:

detailed discussion on the dress and shoes
some comments on the hair
discussion on the make up (if it's bad)
some criticism of the food/ venue /ceremony / speculation on costs
the way you managed to offend XYZ
lengthy discussions about the bride and groom's relationship, how they met, funny stories about childhoods etc

YOU will be the center of attention. Not the groom, but mostly YOU. In a traditional wedding, most of the attention is on the bride (and many brides like it that way and the whole reason for wanting a wedding is to be a princess for the day etc).

I'm not saying the above is right but I am being realistic. You need to decide what you want or the whole thing will be a nightmare.

TunnocksOrDeath · 02/03/2025 21:51

You absolutely do not have to have a "bride and groom entrance" at the reception. We didn't; we just walked into the venue when we got there and said hello to people as we saw them... far more natural. You're throwing a celebration party for people who love you, not hosting the BAFTAs.
Also you don't actually "have" to walk down the aisle. You can wait at the front with the vicar/celebrant/whoever and just start the ceremony when it's time. Chairs will be there anyway, so you can sit and chat while you wait if you're self conscious about standing up. I waited outside the church with my family and welcomed everyone as they arrived, had a natter and went in when it was time, which was all quite jolly.
I will say though, that our wedding photographer messed up, and most of our favourite photos were taken by guests!

IPM · 02/03/2025 21:57

YABU to have a wedding ceremony with an aisle to walk down etc if you're not going to enjoy it.

Just go to a registry office with 2 witnesses.

Ridiculous to put yourself through unnecessary shit.

ClaredeBear · 02/03/2025 22:01

Id say you're well within your rights to include notices and verbal requests here and there, asking people not to take photos during the ceremony and perhaps during your reception but and evening reception will be more difficult.

I wonder if you've considered not going this traditional route? It doesn't suit everyone and didn't suit me as if never had dreams of walking down the aisle, etc. I went away to get married and had a party when we came home. Just an option.

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