To not want people to take my photo at wedding

[Weddinganxiety]

This is a very small problem in the grand scheme of life but also something that affects me massively.
I suffer from anxiety. No1 really knows this as I mask it well. Have just started wedding planning.
I don’t want to wake up the day after my wedding and see other people’s photos/videos , bad angles etc. I hate pictures of myself I pick apart every little thing and i rarely post on s.m I am quite a private person.
My O.h on the other hand doesn’t give a shiny shit if he looks bad and is very sociable .
Im dreading even walking down the aisle tbh . Hate the fact all eyes will be on me.
Would I be unreasonable to ask guests not to take their on pictures /videos ? We have quite large families and friend groups between us .
Also the bride and groom entrance ? Does that have to be a thing ? I’d much rather just enter with all the guests and it be low key .

OP, you aren’t being precious and you’re understandably feeling anxious. You could have a little announcement about photos at the start of the wedding. And you and your other half could greet guests as they come in and then walk down together. Or already be at the front with the officiant before guests arrive?

Elope, then have a party and get there first to welcome everyone.

With the best will in the world, if you don't like being the centre of attention, being a bride in a traditional wedding, even with a fairly modest number of guests is probably not for you. You will be the centre of attention all day, peaking at the entrance, the exit, the entrance to the venue, any posed shots with family, the speeches, the cake, the first dance. If you're going to be dreading all these things, don't do it to yourself.

People with the best intentions, will be trying to grab you and kiss you, and ask you about shoes, dress, tell you your hair looks amazing, it's like being a minor celebrity. I'm not a fan of attention either and I will not lie, I couldn't wait for the day to be over and get out of there away from everyone if I'm totally honest.

Unless it appeals, it's a hell of a lot of money to spend on a 12 hour ordeal, and it's really not compulsory. At the least, keep your numbers to a bare minimum and ask for no phones, get one friend you trust to snap some and set up a website where they'll be shared after the event.

I completely agree with @LuckyBea . If I could have my time again we would have had a tiny wedding in the registry.

We got married a long time ago now but I really struggled with all the people and being the centre of attention on the day. I didn’t enjoy it which is a shame.

I suffer from anxiety so I get it, and I also mean this in the kindest way that it is your issue not theirs.

So, you're options are

• have a quiet wedding.

It is quite arrogant to have a traditional wedding and then tell people not to make a fuss. They are going to a lot of time, effort and money to be with you so don't start acting like Barbra Streisand.

What you can do though

• ask for no photos during the ceremony.
• ask for no-one to post photos on social media (unless it's just them)
• don't look at social media.

You will look beautiful on your wedding day. I know you're anxious but I think you have to grin and bear it to a certain extent.

You can have what you like!
No need to trot down the aisle if you don't want to! It's not a royal wedding.
You could just enter from the side?

There's a lot of variation between huge traditional wedding and eloping. My husband doesn't like being photographed so we didn't have a photographer. We walked down the aisle together and didn't do any kind of entrance at the reception. We just took our seats alongside everyone else. No first dance either. No bridesmaids/groomsmen. Just a low key day celebrating with family and friends.

Honestly sweetheart, just DON'T have a big traditional wedding!! It's not compulsory, and will save you a fortune. You could just have a registry office (or a private church) ceremony with two witnesses, then tell everyone afterwards, or whatever upwards from that where you feel comfortable, perhaps a small weddjng and a small gathering at home. Never mind "disappointing" other people, why should you feel miserable to please others? You don't have to have a big white dress, or bridesmaids, or a massive formal reception, or a choreographed first dance. All you need is each other and what makes you happy. Stand back from all the overpriced hype and think what YOU want.

People will want to take photos to remember a special moment of someone they care about. Why don’t you ask people not to share them on social media instead so you don’t have to see them?

Quite a few weddings recently, before the ceremony the priest or celebrant will ask guests not to take photos during the ceremony or post anything social media. People will probbaly take photos throughout the day though, they want to because they love you and are happy to celebrate 😀
Absolutely don't have to have a big entrance to the dinner just walk amongst the guests.
Enjoy your day x

Hi! We were invited to a wedding recently and they had a security service as such, where they put our phones in pouches and that way the camera was obscured but we could still use our phone through a clear case .. u will always have one person who tries to take a pic ..
we did the same wen we went to see Kevin hart once

Thanks so much for the replies! Some good suggestions.

I would love to go away and have a low-key, relaxed wedding but when we toyed with this idea and looked at numbers even our closest family and friends who we would want to be there still amount to something ridiculous like 60.

Going away just the two of us isn’t an option. We have small children and it would cause great upset to some family members which I obviously dont want.

My o.h family are very religious catholics and my o.h would prefer a chapel wedding.

I think no matter if it’s 20 people or 100 Im still not going to be comfortable with all eyes on me so I think I will have to just suck it up for one day. I just hope I don’t get overwhelmed.

I have no issue with guests taking photos of themselves/other people I just would prefer them not to take pictures of me.

We are planning on having a pro photographer/ videographer for memories.

I also hate the idea of a formal sit down meal. I would love a relaxed buffet. Would you as a wedding guest be ok with this? So it would then I suppose have to be two buffets as need to feed people in the evening also ?

We are planning on having a pro photographer/ videographer for memories.

When I got married I just asked that no photos of the service were taken. I let everyone know we were having a photographer to take photos and I just said I didn’t want the photographer to be taking photos of people taking photos of me. If that makes sense, I didn’t want to look back at our wedding photos and see everyone with a phone in their hand or covering their face with a phone. Everyone understood that

You can do what you want, its your wedding. I've been to weddings where people requested no photos/no posting on social media, as well as a wedding where the B&G were already stood at the front together while everyone took their seats so nobody walked down the aisle.

I've also been at countless weddings where the wedding breakfast is a buffet, that is perfectly normal.

Realistically, you're not going to be able to stop anyone posting their own pictures on their own social media after the wedding, but that's just part of life- sometimes you will be in people's photos on social media. Just remove any tags and don't look at them.

I had a friend who had a wedding that ended at 6.

At the time we were aghast but it was brilliant.

Service at 12, then delicious afternoon tea type buffet. First dance and a band for about an hour, then bride and groom left.

We went out for dinner with some friends who were also guests, had a lovely evening.

Both DH’s and my family are very religious Catholics. We were brought up in an extremely devout way. All four parents are daily mass goers. However, we are busy atheists with a dislike of fuss and who think that the wishes of the people getting married are paramount. We got married in a register office with two witnesses without telling anyone. When family found out years later, no one was particularly perturbed. It’s hard to upset about something that happened five years earlier, and that visibly hasn’t changed anything.

If you want to get married with two witnesses and your children, just do that. Don’t tell anyone if you don’t want to.

If you don’t want a formal meal, don’t have one. I’ve been to weddings that lasted a full weekend on a woodland campsite or a week on an Indian tea plantation, and I’ve been to weddings that consisted of a ceremony followed by afternoon tea with champagne, or a church hall reception of mince pies and mulled wine, or a morning ceremony followed by tapas, where everyone was home by 4 pm.

You don’t get any brownie points from the universe for deprioritising your own wishes.

This. You will come across as very self absorbed even though you are not. If I had this request I would think well she's very up herself isn't she.

Sounds to me the prefect situation for a beach wedding with just the 2 of you.

Yes you can ask people not take photos, but there'll always be one person who thinks the rules don't apply to them. And I'd be worried about it all day. And photos are only part of the not being the centre of attention - which you will be as the Bride.

Go for a very small ceremony or a beach somewhere nice and warm, with lapping waves on the white sands, palm trees gently swaying in the breeze and the gentle chink of ice in the wonderful cocktails you can enjoy with your new husband. Sorry got a bit carried away there.

Seriously - keep it small. Keep it secret even.

We had a small Civil Partnership ceremony - just 11 guests, we walked into the room together, said 2 words and would have been out of there in under 5 mins but yes we did take some photos.

I hate being the centre of attention so I get where you are coming from! DH wasn't keen on a large wedding either.
We had a wedding in a hotel. We only had about 20 people to the ceremony and we then invited about another forty to the meal. We had a bbq buffet but it rained so the hotel closed the restaurant to non- wedding guests and we had it for our use only, sitting wherever we liked.
We then invited about an extra 40 in the evening and had a normal buffet then.
I loved it. It didn't feel like all eyes were on me and it was very relaxed, even though it was in a large (chain) hotel.

@Weddinganxiety There is absolutely nothing to stop your groom coming up to meet you and walking down the aisle with you (unless your dad's giving you away?)

But either way, you won't be on your own

You can! We had a buffet, it seemed to work well. No seating plan, so no top table. The whole thing was really informal. It was originally planned picnic-style, but weather intervened (luckily there was a plan B for that). DH and I just walked round with our plates, and had a bit of chat with everyone. Neither of us like dancing, so we wrote something like "Carriages at 7pm" on the invitations, and went to the pub with the stragglers after the majority went home. We did deliberately choose a venue where most of the guests could get there and back in a day by public transport though. I think if guests are expected travel miles, and book a hotel, there needs to be something in the evening for them.