To not want people to take my photo at wedding

[Weddinganxiety]

This is a very small problem in the grand scheme of life but also something that affects me massively.
I suffer from anxiety. No1 really knows this as I mask it well. Have just started wedding planning.
I don’t want to wake up the day after my wedding and see other people’s photos/videos , bad angles etc. I hate pictures of myself I pick apart every little thing and i rarely post on s.m I am quite a private person.
My O.h on the other hand doesn’t give a shiny shit if he looks bad and is very sociable .
Im dreading even walking down the aisle tbh . Hate the fact all eyes will be on me.
Would I be unreasonable to ask guests not to take their on pictures /videos ? We have quite large families and friend groups between us .
Also the bride and groom entrance ? Does that have to be a thing ? I’d much rather just enter with all the guests and it be low key .

I went to a wedding a couple of years ago where the bride set up a WhatsApp group for all guests the morning of the wedding and asked them to post photos there for everyone to share. They asked not to post on social media so they could later share their own pro photos with wider family and friends. Seemed really successful way of compromising so that friends could share but they had control of what is seen more widely than those attending. I think they then shared the pro album with people too after. Seeing all the photos appear in the group on the day made fewer people take pics and enjoy the moment as it was clear all the key shots were already taken.

YABU, it's not just your day.
All these people are spending money, taking time off, trying to enjoy a long sometimes really boring day.
You should have a tiny wedding with minimum people or eloped if you feel so strongly. People don't need permission to take pics of anyone, rightly or wrongly.
You will be surprised how random wedding pics can be as good as the professional ones; in fact better as they are more natural. Use the situation to help get over the anxiety.

This sounds like a far more relaxing option.

Sometimes you draw the least attention to yourself by going along with what's expected. Coming in in a non traditional way might actually make you feel more self conscious when everyone is surprised by it than just taking the short walk they expect to see, and will have forgotten the minute it's over. As for photos, you can ask, but you can bet there'll be those who ignore you.

Are you have a photographer?

Fine to ask people not to take pictures of you and also fine to enter in any way that makes you feel comfortable

I think you’d actually be drawing attention to yourself by asking people not to take photos. I would assume you were a total bridezilla if you made this request which I am sure is the opposite of what you are. If you don’t want to be looked at and photographed, get married in a town hall with two witnesses.

We had a professional photographer and told everyone else we did not want them taking photos.

@Weddinganxiety given how you feel about being the centre of attention I’m finding it extraordinary that you’re planning what sounds like quite a large, traditional event.

Your wedding is surely the one thing in life that you and your partner can arrange exactly to suit yourselves. Why not have a quiet ceremony in a tiny stone church in the Highlands of Scotland? Just the two of you, a celebrant and witnesses. Or whatever.

People attend a wedding to have fun. An anxious, jumpy bride, constantly looking over her shoulder to police her guests’ behaviour would not be fun.

Choose a different way to get married.

Social anxiety disorder is extremely crippling and you can't just 'get over it'. I am also phobic about having my photo taken and being the centre of attention. You make YOUR wedding work for YOU and if you don't want photos don't have them, especially walking down the aisle. Photos were banned during my ceremony. I kept it small with just close family and friends. I really hate people trying to make out you're inconsiderate asking people not to take photos at YOUR wedding lol. DEFINITELY ask people not to post on social media without your approval. Oh god the whole 'bride/groom' entrance makes my blood run cold, just dont do it!!

I think it's fine to ask people not to take photos. I went to a wedding last year when it wasn't allowed. The bride and groom only wanted the professional ones. We took some photos of our outfits in hotel room before. It was all fine.

Just tell them not to. There are no photos at all of our wedding, which is exactly how I wanted it. (Just us and two witnesses, so easier to do…)

I get you. We had a lovely wedding but I photograph terribly, I always have, even before I utterly despised my appearance and was merely self conscious. If I'd had my way I'd not even have had a photographer! I'm glad I now have them for the memories even if I do heavily control which ones people see of me. I'm glad we have the photos of everyone else, of the details etc as well. There are so many parts of the day that are worth capturing and you will look better than you think, I promise.

Things that helped: I declined getting ready photos and arranged for the photographer to arrive not too long before the wedding started. DH declined them as well. There are a few taken of everyone ready and smiling, my dad seeing me etc but that's it. That time felt vulnerable. Similarly there are a few of DH waiting for me and greeting people but nothing earlier.

We asked for no photos of the ceremony except for those taken by the photographer. I didn't mind afterwards as most people who wanted pics of/ with us posed the shots and people sent some lovely ones of our cake, decor etc.

I told my photographer that I expected to drink, snack and socialise during the reception and I wanted photos of everyone else having a nice time as well. Not to spend hours freezing on a lawn squinting at DH in low sun. We did posed pics and she did borrow us for a bit but she definitely took as-it-happened guest pics / us with guests as well and gave us a break!

We also picked a photographer that had a vibe we liked. We went for someone we knew took lots of photos of everyone and focused on fun, naturalistic pictures of the whole day as well as taking some posed ones.

Asking guests not to take photos during the ceremony is common and widely accepted - the officient or a friend/family member can make a quick announcement and you can have a sign outside along with other info like a schedule. Actually it's so common that I would feel weird holding a phone or camera up even if they hadn't asked - most couples don't want their professional photos filled with people holding up phones and cameras, people moving around trying to get shots, etc.

Receptions/cocktail hours/ evening do's are really different, though. If you have a traditional wedding then it also becomes a social and family occasion where guests spend the vast majority of their time enjoying each other's company, catching up with those they haven't seen for a while, dancing, etc. People will have dressed up, arranged childcare, and often traveled and it's normal for people to want to take photos during the party portion. You can politely ask people to not post photos of the two of you on social media but anything more is probably going to draw more irritated attention than you really want.

Walking down the aisle is optional, but sometimes it's easiest not to do anything too out there if you're self-conscious. I think a good middle ground is to pick your own faster, shorter song (go with one that makes you feel happy) that you can just walk like a normal human to instead of the weird slow bridal walk. I would also ask the officient to skip the intro and asking the guests to stand or look back, and consider having your bridal party walk with you to make you feel a little less alone.

Seriously said in the nicest possible way I don't think you can police this. The best photos of my wedding was the action shots random people took at random moments. I think you should elope spend the money on an amazing once in a lifetime adventure and get married how it suits you.

We decided not to do a receiving line at our wedding because I knew I’d hate doing it, so we ignored parents criticism and didn’t do it, because it was our day and we did what felt comfortable for us.

Our friends said they hated their first dance but they did it because they felt they ought to do one ….. I think why put yourself through it if you’re not going to enjoy it just because of expectation?

I say it’s your day and do what you feel comfortable with. A pretty notecard on everyone’s seat or a message in the invite requesting no one takes photos is absolutely not unreasonable!

The other thing I’ve seen some couples do is a private photo shoot in a photo studio a few days before the wedding in their wedding outfits. I know it’s nice for the groom to not see the dress beforehand and that but as someone who also doesn’t like their photo taken, I wish I had done this for our wedding.

Y ABU and very precious. You don't have to walk down the aisle, you don't have to have anyone but 2 stranger witnesses.

Just elope. I would never have a big wedding because I couldn't stand people taking pictures of me and commenting on my appearance all day. It's not even that I'm self conscious I just find the whole idea of the "beautiful bride" and her adoring husband absolutely cringe making. There's no way to police this, it's just what people are like at weddings.

I think it will be hard to expect no photos at all without an awful lot of explaining which will draw attention to the issue. It would be fine to say don't share on sm and I have never been to a wedding where the guests take pictures at the ceremony. You don't need a photographer if you don't want one. In your shoes I might get a couple of photos taken professionally to share with close family but I don't think it is needed. Photographers and even worse videographers can be very intrusive.

You virtually always need to bring witnesses with you now. When we booked our wedding we were warned multiple times that the register office would no longer pull office staff as witnesses (they were losing vast amounts of work time) and that, if we were trying to get passersby in off the street, they would not wait for us if we hadn’t succeeded in grabbing someone in time for our slot. And in another city, my walk to work took me past the town hall — I several times had stressed wedding couples out on the street begging me to be a witness, but as I was on my way to work (like many passersby), I couldn’t.

I think it is fine to ask people not to take your photo. The obsession with taking photos on phones is hugely annoying anyway. People are so focused on this that they are not in the moment anymore.
At my wedding ( which was 2002 so not many phone cameras then but people still brought normal cameras) a good friend asked specifically that she was not in any photos at all and I made sure this was accommodated as I wanted her to be able to relax.
Appreciate you are the actual bride but the same principle applies, if not more so.

You won’t see their photos? Also if it’s that bad why not just rock up at the registrar with a couple of mates?

@Oxgodby Could you imagine if you were able to be a witness for all those Registry Office Weddings? You could have started a little side gig 😋.

I’d do as asked, but I must admit I’m not a fan of weddings where the couple tries to exert control over the guests.

lol at the suggestion above to get guests to “hand over” their phones. Fuck right off with that.

If you don't like being the centre of attention, being photographed and judged on your appearance don't have a traditional wedding where all this with happen whether you like it or not.

You don't have to have the big wedding OP - do what YOU want to do.

At my wedding we asked people not to put photos on social media (more of a privacy thing) and they don't allow photos etc during the ceremony (only the photographer ) other than that you can't really insist people don't take photos of you on the day at all, and even if you did I doubt they'd listen!