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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends not sponsoring dh

738 replies

Primmyhill · 02/03/2025 20:27

Ok, I know times are hard and there are loads of people asking for sponsorship etc but I’m just a bit hacked off. In the past I’ve sponsored friends kids for things like walking around the playground at lunch time, sponsored silence etc, you get my drift but there’s been loads over the last few years and I always give £10-20. My husband is doing a huge challenge in April and the sponsorship has been live for months and I’ve sent the link out twice and not one of them has sponsored him. None of them are badly off - they just can’t be bothered I reckon and I’m pretty annoyed. AIBU? Would you do? I’ll know better next time when darling Henry wants money for pushing his teddy around the local f’ing playing field.

OP posts:
Fountofwisdom · 03/03/2025 16:48

Absolutely flipping HATE being asked to sponsor an adult on their self-indulgent little projects. I just ignore all such requests and the more someone asks, the more I’ll ignore. Do whatever challenge you like, but don’t go begging to friends and family. It’s endless. Would only consider it on a very rare occasion if it’s a very specific and highly personal cause.

I choose specific charities and causes to support and do so quietly. Just because a cause is close to someone else’s heart doesn’t mean it’s one I want to support.

Sponsoring a child to do something for a good cause is completely different. Adults need to get over themselves.

CountryShepherd · 03/03/2025 17:03

'Keeping fundraisers in jobs and privileges'.

Privileges? I wish. You don't have a career in fundraising for the money.

uk.indeed.com/career/fundraiser/salaries

Blushingm · 03/03/2025 17:04

badtimingisrubbish · 03/03/2025 16:14

Gosh MN is such an odd place. Or maybe I'm just clueless as to how people feel / think about everyday experiences. Wedding threads are always an eye opener too. I'm my day to day life evening invites are fine, as are paid bars and asking for a donation to the honeymoon instead of a pressie.

Personally, I've done three half marathons over the last 10yrs. I was sponsored for all and realised much more than I expected. I'm an occasional runner so training for a half is bloody hard work. The race is indeed a great experience because of the crowd and camaraderie. By the logic of some on here the fact that it was a "great experience" means that I didn't deserve to be sponsored. Which makes no sense to me at all. And how dare I have been proud of myself and put "I did it!" posts on social media. How selfish am I?!
I suspect the OPs DH is doing the marathon. For the vast majority of people running a marathon is incredibly hard. It may have been a personal life goal, but that doesn't mean that it's any less hard work. I'm in awe of friends of mind who've managed to complete the marathon and I am more than happy to sponsor them because I think they deserve it. Clearly lots of people think differently but there you go.

Good luck to your DH, OP.

Because some of the 'sponsorship' goes on the persons fees and t-shirt etc. if you want to donate - donate so 100% goes to the charity - not sponsor someone where part of your donation goes towards their costs

OVienna · 03/03/2025 17:21

Blushingm · 03/03/2025 17:04

Because some of the 'sponsorship' goes on the persons fees and t-shirt etc. if you want to donate - donate so 100% goes to the charity - not sponsor someone where part of your donation goes towards their costs

Did you - and others here - miss the point that the OP targeted people that she has previously been asked to sponsor? Just curious really.

badtimingisrubbish · 03/03/2025 17:27

@Blushingm if you donate to a charity that has places in events, then some of your donation will be going towards those event costs. They don't separate out where the donations come from. Charities have to spend money to raise money. You may have paid towards the three running vests that I have in my drawer. The vests were not my incentive for taking part!

FindusMakesPancakes · 03/03/2025 17:36

OVienna · 03/03/2025 17:21

Did you - and others here - miss the point that the OP targeted people that she has previously been asked to sponsor? Just curious really.

Yes, I did. And no, it doesn't matter. No one is obligated to sponsor anyone like that. It is not a reciprocal arrangement. The people being targeted may have recently sponsored multiple others and not have spare cash to sponsor anyone else. Or for whatever personal reason, not want to sponsor OP's husband.

BeLimeKoala · 03/03/2025 18:03

i think you are right to be disappointed but tbh I need about 10 reminders and lists in social media as I simply dont always have the time or my cards to make the payment! Just send plenty more reminders and remember it’s not always the top of their to do pile

BuildbyNumbere · 03/03/2025 18:06

SometimesCalmPerson · 02/03/2025 20:34

Sponsoring children is not the same as sponsoring adults who are fulfilling their own bucket list and claiming it’s all about the charity.

100% agree ..: that’s exactly what it is!

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 03/03/2025 18:07

FindusMakesPancakes · 03/03/2025 17:36

Yes, I did. And no, it doesn't matter. No one is obligated to sponsor anyone like that. It is not a reciprocal arrangement. The people being targeted may have recently sponsored multiple others and not have spare cash to sponsor anyone else. Or for whatever personal reason, not want to sponsor OP's husband.

It might not be a reciprocal arrangement but if I had a kid and someone sponsored him or her for walking around the playground (is that really a thing?) I would be a bit upset if they didn't bung DH a fiver for running a marathon!

Thankfully I've never been asked to sponsor friend's kids and they are adults now!

IndigoBrave · 03/03/2025 18:08

The responses are awful. Why should OP not expect the same response from her friends as she’s given them? That’s what good friends do (considering there doesn’t seem to be money issues)

People making out the marathon is a stroll in the park is laughable. I completed it with 16 weeks training and 4 runs a week. Never again!!

meisafairy · 03/03/2025 18:12

I want to sponsor Henry and his effing Teddy for doing laps around the playground if you have their link, I’ll happily chuck into that.

BuildbyNumbere · 03/03/2025 18:13

They just don’t want to or can’t be bothered. Your DH’s event is not important to them and they obviously aren’t that interested, accept it and move on.
If you sponsored their child then that’s up to you … they didn’t force you and you can’t force them, nor do they HAVE to reciprocate 🤷🏻‍♀️
If you don’t want to sponsor their kids in the future then don’t … end of.

BuildbyNumbere · 03/03/2025 18:16

IndigoBrave · 03/03/2025 18:08

The responses are awful. Why should OP not expect the same response from her friends as she’s given them? That’s what good friends do (considering there doesn’t seem to be money issues)

People making out the marathon is a stroll in the park is laughable. I completed it with 16 weeks training and 4 runs a week. Never again!!

Why should they … not everything has to be reciprocated. Just because the marathon is important to OP doesn’t mean it has to important to others. And if OP sponsored her friends kids to expect something back then she did so for the wrong reasons.
Oh I’m running a marathon so please sponsor me 🙄🙄🙄 People aren’t interested.

snotathing · 03/03/2025 18:16

How much was he hoping to raise? Just donate that amount yourself without bothering other people to do it instead.

CheekyRaven · 03/03/2025 18:17

I would be annoyed too. I give a few quid to everything, literally the opening of an envelope!!
Set up a just giving page for the cause, that might help.

JillMW · 03/03/2025 18:20

I give to children asking for sponsorship and sometimes to adults if it is a cause I support. I give a lot to charities of my choice so don’t feel bad about not giving to requests from adults. I never sponsor events that cost money for example sky jumps, I prefer my total amount to go to a charity rather than to fund someone’s own experience.

anon666 · 03/03/2025 18:25

I think these things have died a death for most people, and here's my theory on why.

Prior to social media, people would have to ask you f2f and that would not only be awkward to say no to, it would be very infrequent and limited to people you had immediate contact with.

Over the past 20 years we've gone through various levels of enhanced mithering. It started with round robin emails. Then it was posts on social media. Now it's relentless. Not to mention charities accosting us on every street corner, plus regularly cold calling and doorstepping homes.

Now that everything is online, it's incredibly easy to hold out the begging bowl for donations for everything. Most of these are well intentioned, I might add. The whole concept has died through overexposure - because when you're asked everything 5 minutes it becomes tiresome. It's also become easier to ignore as it's out there in the ether.

A second factor is a greater awareness of the many charity scandals, frauds or abuse like that bloody Captain Tom family.

Not to mention - the numerous non-fraudulent rackets people have shared where most of the money goes to the sodding activity (like the parachute jump) with the leftover bit going to charity.

Having said all of this, although I voted YABU, I really feel for your poor husband, who is stepping up and getting short shrift. 😔

None of the above is personally his or your fault, but sadly even the generous people i know will not usually give outside of immediate family.

As for charities, I think they have collectively shot the golden goose in the free for all. It's very sad, because there are so many good charities that do excellent work. Typically they are all fighting in the same marketplace and if one becomes more aggressive, they all have to follow suit.

They're now competing with each other, with pseudo-charities like private schools, pseudo-fund-raising like parachute jumps, dubious benefits like trips to Africa, and downwards the slippery slope to fake gofundme campaigns, attention-seeking celebs and finally just plain fraud.

I fear that just like everything online, genuine people are at a disadvantage, getting drowned out by the cacophony of people who want to prose open your wallet. 😔

I hope that at least makes it feel less personal. Because its not.

snapdragonx · 03/03/2025 18:27

A few things. I never give to sponsored things. It feels forced and manipulative.
I give to charities that I chose to, about 10% of my income. So no, I wouldn't sponsor your DH.
My children don't ask for sponsorship money. We donate an amount ourselves if they are asked to.

IndigoBrave · 03/03/2025 18:31

FantasiaTurquoise · 03/03/2025 08:43

Oh dear, what a pile on. The way I read your post, you are upset that you have sponsored your friends for their things, and they're not reciprocating. I don't see what's so wrong about being disappointed in that? That's the whole point of sponsorship. We don't give because it's a course that we particularly care about, we give because our friend is asking us to. You have given in the past to friends, and those same people now aren't sponsoring your husband. But at the same time times are tight and this whole model is fraying at the seams a bit. In future, unless it's a cause you particularly care for, you can do the same and not worry about giving sponsorship when a friend does a challenge.

This!!!

TattooGuineaPig · 03/03/2025 18:33

Why not email everyone who has ignored it, with a BCC email and say "thank you so much to the handful of people who have stepped up and donated. Even a small amount can make a difference when everyone takes part. For those of you still considering this, please support the cause, we'd be so grateful"

I had similar situation and a bunch of very long term friends said "we're off to put our order in now"But the sales were made online and I was sent lists each week of the names of people who did buy, so I knew exactly who didn't. I sent a similar email to them and they were so embarrassed to be outed that they also followed through on their promise.

Slightly different situation but if you really want them to donate, you have to push, however it works.

Praying4Peace · 03/03/2025 18:36

I don't like sponsoring adults but I can understand why you are p*ed off if you have sponsored their family members

Snowmanscarf · 03/03/2025 18:37

TattooGuineaPig · 03/03/2025 18:33

Why not email everyone who has ignored it, with a BCC email and say "thank you so much to the handful of people who have stepped up and donated. Even a small amount can make a difference when everyone takes part. For those of you still considering this, please support the cause, we'd be so grateful"

I had similar situation and a bunch of very long term friends said "we're off to put our order in now"But the sales were made online and I was sent lists each week of the names of people who did buy, so I knew exactly who didn't. I sent a similar email to them and they were so embarrassed to be outed that they also followed through on their promise.

Slightly different situation but if you really want them to donate, you have to push, however it works.

I think that’s fairly cheeky you chasing up the non-donaters, and making them feel guilty that they didn’t buy anything.

Cockneykelly83 · 03/03/2025 18:38

Primmyhill · 02/03/2025 20:27

Ok, I know times are hard and there are loads of people asking for sponsorship etc but I’m just a bit hacked off. In the past I’ve sponsored friends kids for things like walking around the playground at lunch time, sponsored silence etc, you get my drift but there’s been loads over the last few years and I always give £10-20. My husband is doing a huge challenge in April and the sponsorship has been live for months and I’ve sent the link out twice and not one of them has sponsored him. None of them are badly off - they just can’t be bothered I reckon and I’m pretty annoyed. AIBU? Would you do? I’ll know better next time when darling Henry wants money for pushing his teddy around the local f’ing playing field.

Yeh you’re not being unreasonable this would piss me off too. Rude and lazy. Even a couple
of quid when you’ve done the same for them. Never sponsor them again. Good luck to your hubby

Greentrees2024 · 03/03/2025 18:39

AthWat · 02/03/2025 21:53

I genuinely can't understand why your desire to give money to the underlying cause would be affected by how hard a person has trained. "I would save those five children, but I see you've been slacking off on the running machine, so I'll only save four."
I'd honestly like you to explain why the person asking for the money doing a "thing" has any impact at all on your desire to help a cause.

Because it’s not just about the cause, it’s about doing something nice for someone you know. If you can afford to spare a tenner or whatever, why not do a nice thing? 😀

It doesn’t stop me from giving to causes I might care more about.

TattooGuineaPig · 03/03/2025 18:43

Snowmanscarf · 03/03/2025 18:37

I think that’s fairly cheeky you chasing up the non-donaters, and making them feel guilty that they didn’t buy anything.

After they enthusiastically promised they would immediately be doing so?

hum. okay....