To side with my DH

[howfartospar]

We looked after our.nephew while my brother and SiL were in town recently.
My nephew is what you might call a handful. He threw a lot of toys and food around the room, jumped on the sofas and generally ignored every instruction I gave him.
This was okayish until my DH came home from work. He shouted a very firm "oi" at my nephew as he wouldn't listen. Nephew got extremely upset and was still upset when brother came to collect.
SiL was very annoyed with DH and said we don't tell him no. DH said he'll be told a firm no in this house if he doesn't listen, and that's the end of it. Brother got involved, we had a mini spat and they stormed out.
Brother is no doubt expecting me to apologise but I'm with my DH on this.
Am I right on this?

Yes, you are. Parents who don’t say “no” to their DC lose the right to get free childcare.

Of course you are. If they don’t like it they can find someone else to babysit.

Your brother and his wife are idiots.

You are 100% in the right. No question about it.

You are absolutely correct, I would be saying no to minding him in the future.

Sounds like a win. No more piss takers dumping their feral offspring on you.

How old is the nephew? I'm wondering how reasonable you and DH are in your behaviour expectations.

He’s 21

How old is your nephew? Not that it really matters, your DH was right to put boundaries in place, but just wondering.

Your DH is entirely in the right and you are correct to back him up. Your brother and SIL sound absolutely awful and your nephew sounds like the the worst kind of child to be saddled with looking after.

Your nephew’s behaviour really proves why teaching kids and actually telling them no is a good thing!

They don't tell him No

so they get to be the proud parents of a twat and don't have childcare

Me and my DSis had no issue disciplining each other’s children. I hope none of them behaved like this but when in someone else’s care it would be addressed without weirdness. Children need to be taught and consistency in expectations is what’s needed. They are BU.

Team DH. Did you explain the poor behaviour of your nephew?

Why would you never say no to your child? That is terrible parenting, how is he ever going to manage at school?

Definitely with your DH on this one!

Piss poor parenting. If they don't want you to tell him no then you cant babysit him. @

I’m confused as to how you could keep a child safe by never saying no…

Is it just the actual word ‘no’? Like do they say ‘Don’t do that’ or ‘why don’t you do blah instead’?

Or do they just never intervene and let him poke plugs and stick his head in the toilet etc?

Another one who agrees with you @howfartospar . A firm ‘No’ is essential at times to let kids learn boundaries.
I say this as someone who firmly believes, and practices, Gentle Parenting. So many people get the wrong idea of what gentle parenting is, it’s not being permissive but trying to understand a child’s pov and needs.
I believe the only time ‘no’ should be avoided is with certain types of ND where direct verbal demands can be too challenging for a kid. This doesn’t seem to be a known issue here.

Watch the episode of Modern Family where Cam and Mitch explain to Clare that they don't say no to their daughter Lily. Watch what happens when Cam gets his hand stuck in the waste disposal and Lily is going around the kitchen flicking various switches....

Oof I know it's not the right thing to say but I don't like children like this i used to have a friend (used too) we went to her familys house small child was jumping screaming around I caught them and popped them on the floor brushed off the sofa and sat down the mum looked at me like I shat infront of her 😅 she said we usually let him "let off steam like that" I said is that how he broke his arm? Apparently this was tactless thoughtless (accurate) and I was never invited again

God help the parents when this kid gets older

Your house - your rules

The parents are idiots

Throwing food and toys, is nephew two years old? Developmentally delayed? If any of these I would say be firm but don't shout at him. If he's older and NT your DH did well to shout since the little bugger hasn't been taught manners at home. Next time tell them to leave him at a kennel (poor dogs though).

They “don’t tell him no”?!

I’ve zero time for this idiotic type of non-parenting. Not a chance they’d get an apology out of me.

He's 5 years old.