To side with my DH

[howfartospar]

We looked after our.nephew while my brother and SiL were in town recently.
My nephew is what you might call a handful. He threw a lot of toys and food around the room, jumped on the sofas and generally ignored every instruction I gave him.
This was okayish until my DH came home from work. He shouted a very firm "oi" at my nephew as he wouldn't listen. Nephew got extremely upset and was still upset when brother came to collect.
SiL was very annoyed with DH and said we don't tell him no. DH said he'll be told a firm no in this house if he doesn't listen, and that's the end of it. Brother got involved, we had a mini spat and they stormed out.
Brother is no doubt expecting me to apologise but I'm with my DH on this.
Am I right on this?

Wow he must be a real hit with his teachers... Though my phone typed out real git before I changed it!!. Maybe more appropriate when he is 15 not 5...

Brother got involved, we had a mini spat and they stormed out

Tbh I'd leave the ball in their court. If your brother gets in touch (when they next want free childcare) and asks why they've not had an apology, I'd ask where mine and dhs was. And I'd be asking "why aren't you two mortified at your sons behaviour at our house?"

You and DH are in the right in my opinion, and your in-laws are why I dread Mondays as a teacher.

You’re both right. The nerve of even suggesting you can’t say no to the child you’re looking after.

What’s that Mickey Flanagan joke?

‘I know you think we think you’re cool, liberal parents, but we actually think you’re cunt lazy parents’.

I know calling your DB & SiL a pair of cunt lazy parents isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it sounds like it’s about time someone said this to them.

Those parents need to hear the word No even more than their Little Treasure. The absolute nerve of them, telling you you can't set boundaries with a child you're babysitting and under your own roof too.

"We don't tell him 'no'..."

That'll be why he's a little scroat then!

We don't tell him no was a story line on modern family. Of course you are right. Children cannot be allowed to behave as they please. This is how you end up with uncontrollable teens and their parents not understanding why.

Consider it a win, no more babysitting for them. I have a 5 year old and know many and he’s being hugely failed by his useless parents. Poor thing. And poor you and DH. Let them stew.

I don't think I often said no to my kids when they were little - but not as an intentional thing, just because it seemed better to give them specific instructions on what to do, rather than just a mystery single syllable word.

Eg. - Jumping on the settee: Stop jumping on the settee, settees are for sitting on. Throwing food: HEY! <moved plate away from them> we don't throw food - go and pick that up.

Permissive parenting is the issue - kids still need to learn to behave properly!

And your husband was not being unreasonable to yell 'OI!' when he saw this madness going on - the kid needed a short, sharp, shock to get himself under control (and so do the adults in his life!)

Of course he can be told no but sounds like your dh scared him which wasn’t necessary.

5! I thought you were gonna say 2! Blimey! Nope don’t apologise, and don’t babysit again. Congratulations db and sil, you have no childcare and very soon your kid will have no friends and it will be your fault

Kid had ignored all instructions given calmly all day long. At this point it was necessary and frankly reasonable.

Not quite sure why you hadn't said it earlier to be honest. Your DH was absolutely in the right.

I bet he gets told no at school. How does the poor thing cope?

Don’t be daft, it was completely necessary. He’d been totally ignoring requests up until her DH shouted ‘oi’. What were they supposed to do? Carry on with the ‘Darling, please don’t do that’ until he ran out of energy? He needed a short, sharp shock to understand that his behaviour was unacceptable and he got one.

When he’s older, it might occur to him that his parents were bloody negligent, did him no favours at all and that his aunt and uncle were one of the few people willing to teach him how to behave. Hopefully that will happen before he’s sat in a cell.

Did they explain why they don't say no? It would be pretty unusual to never say no to a small child. I wonder if he's quite explosive so distraction and giving alternatives diffuses the situation rather than a clear no which just escalates it. You say he was still upset a while later, this indicates maybe this is the case. Just trying to understand where your brother and SIL are coming from. Rather than assuming they are weak rubbish parents.

That was rather rude of you, to be fair

They can get used to hearing no to free childcare offers.

It's going to be the bizarre situation where the only place the little bugger behaves himself is at your house.

Why were you okayish with him throwing food around the room? I'd throw the little shit out of the window and his parents can pay for my sofa and carpet to be cleaned.

Don't apologise.

YANBU at all. He doesn't get told no at home? Didn't you know this before? Your B and SIL are daft.

Don’t tell him ‘no’? That’s bonkers.

YANBU in the slightest.

It's bonkers that you're asking if you're being unreasonable.

There is a lot of middle ground and effective behaviour management between darling don’t do that and shouting. The kid needed to blow off steam.

I have no qualms saying no as a teacher and mother, but I can see I’m in the minority of posters here as I will only resort to shouting as a very last resort in urgency and I would certainly not be proud of reducing any child to tears by shouting at them.