34, when would you start TTC?

[Planejane34]

We're both 34 but have only been together for 7 months.. it just feels too early for anything. Don't live together. I own my home, partner doesn't atm however mine is a very small 1 bed flat, it would be a squeeze even for 2 people. I've only owned it for a year, so not really looking to sell right away.
Not sure what to do, I know I still have a few years really, but don't want to waste them. I know we both want to get married and so on, but we haven't said we want to marry each other.

Well... do you love him enough to want to spend the rest of your life with him?

Yes, definitely

If it feels too early then it probably is.
I got pregnant at 34 after 3 months with dh.Very risky relationship wise but it didn't feel early iykwim.

I would definitely live together before TTC. I moved in with my husband after 6 months. But before any of that you need to both know that your future is together. It shouldn't be rushed. I conceived fairly easily at 36. It will of course be different for every woman. Is he aware of your preferred timescale?. Have you discussed a potential future ?

I think it's totally up to you but if I were you my next step would be move in together and see how it goes for a few months. Make sure he's definitely the person you want to be with long term during that time and then if so TTC. If not then don't waste any time ending it and finding a more suitable partner who wants all the same things that you want.

I wouldn’t have a baby without having lived together for a good while. I don’t think you really know a person until you’ve been together a few years.

I’m 34 next month and we have been trying on and off since August. I’m not sure if age is a factor or not at this point!

Marriage for protection, before a baby.

I'd live together before TTC. You see a different side to a person.

Have you talked about it at all?

I would also suggest you both have a fertility MOT.

In your shoes I'd freeze some eggs.

Tbh I'm worried about moving in with someone I'm not engaged to. Maybe that's old-fashioned, but I've been stung before by living with someone for years then only finding out he didn't want to commit to me.

We haven't talked about living together. He's living with his father atm, as I say i own a home but I'm worried it's too small for 2. I could suggest it, but I'm worried if I suggest it after 7 months it'll scare him off.

But you’d consider TTC?

Don't have a child with someone who isn't 100% on board and committed to you. It's a complete nightmare. You are basically stuck with them forever once you have a child, even if you split up.

If I had my time again I would want strong evidence of commitment such as buying a house together and a date set for a wedding. Plus being generally on the same page. It doesn't sound like this is the case here.

Why does he live with his dad at 34?

It's crazy to have a baby with someone you're not married to. When they leave you have no financial protection. Considering having a baby with someone when you won't live with them without a ring, plus too scared to suggest living together, is all kinds of stupidity.

I waited to be married before ttc but I was 29 when I met DH so a bit younger. In your shoes I would at least want to be engaged and living together. But I would be wary of getting married if I owned a house and he didn’t. Are you financially much better off than him?

Long story, but he recently moved back in for a bit as his Dad is unwell.

No, I own the home but atm I have zero in the way of savings. He earns slightly more than me.

I wouldn't even have the conversation until you've been together 2 years. You're still young, you've got time.

I would add to that, having children is a real test on relationships and also connects you to the other person for life. I don’t think 7 months is long enough to know for sure that a person is right for you.

Why are you asking about TTC when you're worried about scaring him off talking about moving in!? Bonkers.

This is going to sound daft but I feel like 7 months is just too early to ask someone to move in. I'm thinking possibly a couple more months? Do agree about being married first before a child. At my age I can name countless schoolfriends who've already been married for a few years and have kids, of course there are some who aren't but I feel like we're in the minority.

I know it isn't a race, but at mid 30s I feel like you have to move a bit faster.

Your worried how he will react if you ask him to move in? How do you think he will react if you say you want to try for a baby. 7 months is way too soon, it's still honeymoon period. Your 34 not 44.

I'm not intending to TTC before living together, I should've been clearer. However as I said I'm scared of living with someone again and just being a girlfriend for years on end with no sign of commitment.

So why is the thought of having a baby a serious consideration in your mind at the moment? Sounds like you need to feel more secure and stable with this guy first.

As long as you enjoy the coming years together then you wont be wasting them. Just enjoy your time together, see how it goes.