34, when would you start TTC?

[Planejane34]

We're both 34 but have only been together for 7 months.. it just feels too early for anything. Don't live together. I own my home, partner doesn't atm however mine is a very small 1 bed flat, it would be a squeeze even for 2 people. I've only owned it for a year, so not really looking to sell right away.
Not sure what to do, I know I still have a few years really, but don't want to waste them. I know we both want to get married and so on, but we haven't said we want to marry each other.

And then you saddle children with a shitty father and a whole childhood of crap - sit weekends, indifferent fathers at best and stressed mothers.

I am afraid I definitely judge. Lowering standards is not the answer.

If it feels too early it's too early. Listen to your gut instincts. 7 months is nothing in relationship terms and you're tied to whoever you have children with forever. Not a decision to roll the dice on.

I think that you need to live together before you make the decision. My husband and I moved in together after only four months (due to lockdown), and I think it showed me there's no need to wait a really long time before living together. Potentially live together for a year then TTC?

I’m 34 - and have a baby now. I fell pregnant easily at 33, but I did feel worried about whether it would happen.

If I were in your shoes I would do some personal fertility testing (and maybe ask partner to too) to try and understand better what my timeline should be. Appreciate it wouldn’t be a guarantee though.

in order to consider TTC I would need to

• Live together a minimum of 6 months
• Have the ‘big’ conversations - expectations around finances, child rearing, etc.
• Ideally married - okay with this being an elopement and if not some sort of financial agreement in place.
• Fine to have baby in 1 bed - someways it’s actually easier - but plan to move to a larger place by time baby would be 2 years old latest

I know quite a few couples who have got pregnant having been together less than a year, the main difference between the ones whose relationships have struggled and succeeded is having had and agreed on all the ‘big’ conversations beforehand.

I couldn't conceive a viable pregnancy from age 35 so you may not have a few years if you are like me.

Up to you whether you feel you can co-parent with your current boyfriend, or if having a child is a priority and you want to go it alone, or you want to wait and see. But you shouldn't bank on having time and options. Personally at your age I think I would be considering using a donor, or otherwise having some very frank discussions with the boyfriend re having a child now.

You’ve been together long enough to know if it’s right or not. My view is - when you know you know….. If it’s not right, it’s time to move on. I think you need to have an open conversation with him about what you both want. Time is not on your side.

I mean I’m 34 and I’ve been TTC for 3 years (actively trying for 18 months but no birth control for 3) so I’m probably a bit biased in saying if you want children - don’t wait! But please make sure this is a man you definitely want to be tied to forever and that you want as a father to your child!