Invited to party and no one there!

[harlacem0507]

As the title starts basically! My 19 month old got invited to a 1st birthday party by a mum I know from baby group (not close but make small talk every week) at our local village hall. Party started at 3pm, we rocked up at 3.20 as our daughter overslept from her nap and no one was there! Bouncy castle was inflated, along with chairs and tables and balloons organized but no one about! We saw the lady that runs the village hall she said they popped back for something and gave her a call, said u have guests, mum replied we are coming back anyway, so we waited another 20 minutes outside the actual doors (but inside the main hall) then the brother of the mum arrived and let us in, a few more people with kids arrived and it got to 4.10 and we decided to leave, there was no juice to get the kids, no food etc as they obviously hadn't come back, I felt a bit bad leaving but aibu to think wtf was all that about? I mean I like to think I'm chilled but this was on another level? My partner was astounded by it! Oh and we didn't leave the present either as it seemed a bit odd leaving it and not being there so my daughter is currently playing with it!

How weird? Did they live close by?

Why must they 'surely' know that party expectations are different in the uk?

And why do you say 'they are in the UK now' when they could have been born in the UK?

And how would they know that OP had never been to an african party, or didn't know about african culture? Or even that she wasn't african herself?

Why wouldn't they know about party expectations in the UK??? If they've been to any parties, then they'd have realised.

It's the UK. Why would an African assume a WASP in UK would understand African culture?!? Are you for real?

How do you know they have been to UK parties?

And if they did and turned up as per african expectations and were just welcomed in. How would they know any different?

There's a lot of assumptions in your posts.

I have no idea what a WASP is

You're making a lot of assumptions that people in live in the UK have never been invited to a single party or wedding or anniversary or do or anything, ever.

No I was actually just asking how you know...

That's my point. Why would Africans assume that British people would know?

That's my point. Why would Africans assume that British people would know

You're not understanding or learning from the posts and that's okay 🥴

Just so you know, a person of African descent can also be British.

All the best.

No, it is you that is not understanding or learning from the posts. You don't even know what WASP is. You can't expect British people to understand a non-British culture if they are not familiar with it. Either you truly lack the ability to comprehend a basic concept, or you're just trolling.

You can't expect British people to understand a non-British culture

But at the same time

Surely they [Africans] must know that the culture is different in the UK. Why wouldn't they know about party expectations in the UK???

I don't need to know what WASP is to see your bias and call it out.

Everyone should be given the same level of grace. Especially with culture when there are unspoken expectations.

If that makes me a troll then sure i'm happy to be one.

I did initially think this but it was a first birthday party and the baby will have zero recollection of this very strange event.

FWIW, my kid greeted every single gift she was given at her first birthday party with a stony stare, which she also directed at the cake before cramming it into her stony, unsmiling face with both hands.

Ah. You fell victim to the African/Carribbean time. At least you know for next time 😅

I didn’t say I wouldn’t 🤣
I mean, it’s probably pretty obvious thing to do. But if I’d heard nothing back, and no one showed up of course I’d leave. How long would you wait?

*be tempted
(can’t edit)

I don't buy this African time thing. I get that it's a thing (I'm from a similar culture where there is a similar thing about time) but if you're having a party at a venue you know that other people (who are not African) will turn up at the time stated on the invitation. They were very late to their own party and should have made the invitation more clear.

As soon as a read the OP I knew the family were black and that mum was at home (probably getting her hair done) and everyone would be there soon ready to party 💃🏽

Its one of those weird cultural things, but very dependant on the people involved. No one wants to be the first person there (including the hosts) so everyone thinks "I won't get there too early" but you never really know until you get there if you're early or late 🤷🏽‍♀️

Echoing others that we had the same experience at the party of my DS' school friend from Nigeria; arrived on time to find no one there except a couple of other school friends and a DJ. Birthday child made a big entrance about an hour in, 4 hours later we left having been fed twice and people were still arriving. Always think he must be disappointed when he attends one of the standard 2 hour soft play parties!

That’s a lot of “ifs”.

It’s a moot point, as she didn’t message anyone, so it wasn’t a case of not hearing back.

We have a lot of Nigerian friends, and when they first come to England they are late to get togethers.

we’ve kindly explained to them that arriving late in England is considered rude and the time you are given is the time you arrive at the hosts home. they quickly take this on board and make a effort to be on time.

we've also told them that if they invite English people over, they will arrive at the time stated so that’s helped as now we get invited over much later that we’d normally go out, or they say to us arrive between 5-6:30 and we know to wait till the later time to get there.

its just different cultures and as long as both sides are willingly to take this into consideration and make a effort to do what the other is used to then it’s a fantastic friendship.

We’ve had amazing food that we never would have tried if we hadn’t made friends, so I’m glad I didn’t write them off the first time they turned up an hour and half late when we invited them to dinner.

Quite. But my original comment was ‘if’ and ‘might’ - indicating there was circumstances where this wouldn’t apply, so I’m unsure where you’ve been going all this time 😂

@burntoutnurse a fairy dies every time you don't read the OPs updates before posting

I can’t imagine any circumstances where someone would book a venue, a bouncy castle etc. and then leave after 15 minutes without so much as sending a “Hi, will you be long?” message. Perhaps you can share what you think these circumstances might be?

I don’t need to, because I don’t care enough 😂
I asked how long you’d wait before leaving, and you skipped answering.
So I’m just going to get on with my Sunday now, because this whole exchange is a waste of both of our time.
Hope you have a good Sunday.

I didn’t skip answering at all! You’re just talking nonsense now.

You are right about the waste of time it though.