Invited to party and no one there!

[harlacem0507]

As the title starts basically! My 19 month old got invited to a 1st birthday party by a mum I know from baby group (not close but make small talk every week) at our local village hall. Party started at 3pm, we rocked up at 3.20 as our daughter overslept from her nap and no one was there! Bouncy castle was inflated, along with chairs and tables and balloons organized but no one about! We saw the lady that runs the village hall she said they popped back for something and gave her a call, said u have guests, mum replied we are coming back anyway, so we waited another 20 minutes outside the actual doors (but inside the main hall) then the brother of the mum arrived and let us in, a few more people with kids arrived and it got to 4.10 and we decided to leave, there was no juice to get the kids, no food etc as they obviously hadn't come back, I felt a bit bad leaving but aibu to think wtf was all that about? I mean I like to think I'm chilled but this was on another level? My partner was astounded by it! Oh and we didn't leave the present either as it seemed a bit odd leaving it and not being there so my daughter is currently playing with it!

Well if a party starts at o’clock & theirs no sign of anyone coming and no messages, then how long would you wait for?

@ChicLimeLurker That poor girl was probably having a hard time missing out on her big day,

Christ, it's a 1 year old baby! It doesn't even know it's flipping name, let alone the concept of what a 'birthday' even is! Use common sense! The over the top reactions on this thread are nucking futs!

The African thing might be relevant you know. I have some Nigerian family, and they are often many, many hours late for things - birthdays, parties, even weddings. Their explanation (not mine), is that it's cultural. Of course, it could just be your friend as a person too. But that side of my family, have what feels to me, to be a distinctly "flakey" vibe!

That's probably what it is then, I just wish I had known as we could have gone a bit later but after 50 minutes it didn't feel like we were at a party, just us and the brother and his missus still setting up 😂 ah well at least we didn't travel far!

My Nigerian friend used to call it ‘Africa time’. We went to a massive party of theirs in a hotel once. Some of his relatives flew in especially and stayed at the hotel. He said ‘No Africa time! Champagne reception at 7pm and dinner service 8pm’ Quite a number came down from their rooms around 11pm, very glam and ready to party, but having missed all the food he’d paid for and the speeches.

Definitely sounds like a cultural misunderstanding then!

I can't remember who asked but not in Scotland, in England and the family are African, not that it makes a blind bit of difference other than they might just be way more chilled then we are?

Makes sense. There is a cultural difference in party etiquette that you missed unfortunately. Google 'african time for parties' and you will see. If they said the party starts at 3, guests are meant to arrive at 4 earliest. If not half 4 or 5. Arrival is very relaxed for guests. Then the birthday girl will make an entrance once everyone is there. There will be lots of adult family members at the party as well as children and some very delicious cooked food! Music and dancing. And some beautiful outfits.

I live in London so have very multicultural friends. I made that mistake on my first african party. The family were Nigerian and I arrived on the dot at 1pm and ended up staying until 8pm for the whole party! As other guests arrived, another nursery mum explained the whole thing to me. She was Caribbean and they do the same thing. Nobody is meant to be on time! Also the birthday girl who was also 1 had three outfit changes!

Agree. When DS was 5, I took him to a classmate's birthday party in a hall. Invitation said 5pm or something but when we got there just after the alloted start time, the family had only just arrived at the venue and I had to help them set up all the tables, chairs, decorations etc.

We didn't end up eating until nearer 8pm.

I'm used to parties going on late as am also from a non-white background, but this was unusual even for me! But totally normal for the family, who were African.

Yes this would be totally normal in my experience of many African countries. They don't have the same concept of being on time as we do. Turning up hours late is totally normal. They are much less hurried and much more patient.

Oh wow this definitely sounds like what has happened as I was so confused when OH said the music was blaring and the hall was packed! The invite definitely said 3pm and us being 20 minutes late I was sure it would have been busy so imagine my surprise we were the first ones there! Had no idea 'africa time' was a thing! You learn something new everyday and I'll definitely make note of that for the future, lesson learnt!

I've explained to my OH these replies and he said how were we supposed to know 😂 he still thinks it was a bit rude but is being a typical brit, I feel less annoyed now and more culturally educated!

For those that shot me down and were making out I was the unreasonable one by being 20 minutes late and apparently snatching a present back off a baby, get a grip!

Definitely a cultural thing. We were invited to an African colleague's wedding a few years ago. The invitation said 3pm so we arrived at the church at around 2.45. We were the first people there. An hour later there were around 15 guests. By around 4.40 the church was packed and the bride arrived.

There will be a reason. Family emergency or sudden illness. I’d say don’t always assume the worst of people.

This is why I asked if the family were African. The OP had confirmed they are which means they are working on ‘African time’ - google it! It’s just different, more laid back, timings are fluid, no one bats an eyelid if you turn up 3 hours late. Very frustrating if you’re not used to it! I’m mixed race, dad is from West Africa, mum white British, so been to many of these sorts of parties.

Taking the present home ?!
wow!

It's a shame you missed out as it sounds like it would have been a fun party and the food would have been incredible! African parties are the best and no one is expected to be 'on time'. Time is just a concept. 😁

Because apart from the brother I had no one to give it to! I was so bloody confused at the time!

Africa is also a massive continent so not sure if different countries have different concepts of 'being on time'. The Nigerian and Ghanaian friends parties have always started a couple hours later than the invitation time and kids are allowed to stay up late. It's also the same with Indian weddings in case you ever get an invite!

I think it's great that you have learnt something new about cultural differences and not been judgey about the time keeping aspect.

My first question was going to be are they African I have African family members (married to members of my family) and friends and the timing of the social gatherings for them all seems to be very relaxed and fluid. It’s a shame you weren’t aware but I honestly don’t think they would have meant to be rude in anyway.

@harlacem0507 id have taken the present home as I too would have thought “am I even at a party” lol

Editing my post because it was rather harsh... soz OP. 😂

That poor girl was probably having a hard time missing out on her big day, and you keep her birthday present??? That would have likely made her feel much better about the day going sideways if she received a nice gift at the end of the day.

Have you ever met a 1 year old?

Another one of those weird threads where the poll and the responses are polar opposites!

I still can't help but feel it was very rude of them. They are in the UK now (I presume OP is posting from the UK), and if they invited UKers/non-Africans they should have at least had the decency to explain to the OP and not have her feeling embarrassed and standing around awkward and feeling ashamed that she got the wrong time. Surely they must know that the culture is different in the UK and adjust/think to communicate with non-Africans and not just assume OP knows?

When it's the reverse, do they attend UKers/non-African functions at the time given, does anyone know?

I’d be proactive and message THEM. Why wouldn’t you?