Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To break up with him if he stays?

88 replies

Byefeliciabyebye · 01/03/2025 05:22

I’m away with my partner in Dubai. It’s been grossly romantic and today is our last day.

i have kids and a full time job at home. He works remotely and has adult kids.

We were just both joking about how lovely it’d be to stay when he said “well I might stay another week”.

Obviously I cannot stay another week as I’m due back at work and to get the kids back from their dad.

I would be devastated if he did this. I can’t really articulate why but certainly in part because it shows our lives aren’t compatible.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 01/03/2025 07:34

Why don't you see how it all pans out OP. If he stays, see how you feel when you're home and the dust has settled?

You can't help how you feel. I'd feel a bit abandoned by a romantic partner. If it was a friend I wouldn't be arsed.

rwalker · 01/03/2025 07:34

I’d be seriously pissed of if my partner kicked off about me stopping an extra week for no other reason than they couldn’t

Adamante · 01/03/2025 07:35

gamerchick · 01/03/2025 07:34

Why don't you see how it all pans out OP. If he stays, see how you feel when you're home and the dust has settled?

You can't help how you feel. I'd feel a bit abandoned by a romantic partner. If it was a friend I wouldn't be arsed.

This is good advice.

Snoken · 01/03/2025 07:37

I think maybe you should break up with him. It's not nice to be with someone so jealous that they can't be happy for you if you get to do something nice. You are going back to your kids and work so it's not even like you need anything from him when you get back to the UK. You just want him to be there because you have to and he shouldn't get to enjoy something you can't.

SoScarletItWas · 01/03/2025 07:40

Depends on the type of relationship you have. How long have you been together? Do you live together?

If we lived together I’d find it more annoying than if we didn’t.

If you don’t, I’d be questioning how much of a relationship this really is.

I don’t think he’s unreasonable though. He can (and that ‘can’ includes he doesn’t feel the need to consider whether you can’t, for some reason).

xyz111 · 01/03/2025 07:45

You're being very dramatic about this.

richardosmanstrousers · 01/03/2025 07:49

I think you should break up with him either way tbh. Your reaction here is strange.

Freshstartyear25 · 01/03/2025 07:54

LucyMonth · 01/03/2025 07:26

Reverse this…

”I have the opportunity to stay in Dubai for an extra week but my partner says he’ll break up with me if I stay”.

People would say controlling, manipulative, selfish.

I think it’s fine to (internally) pout and feel jealous, but that’s it.

Exactly this.

autisticbookworm · 01/03/2025 07:55

I could obviously understand if you had shared kids or finances. But you don't do why would it be an issue for him to extend his holiday? In a few years you might be in a similar position. How would you feel if your partner gave you the ultimatum of come home with me or be dumped.

It was probably a throwaway comment but maybe think if this relationship is for you if you are so quick to end it.

Redfred00 · 01/03/2025 08:01

I couldn't get worked up about it. I don't really understand the issue. You're going back to your own lives. He can take you to the airport , give you a kiss, and send you on your way. It might be good for your relationship. He'll see how much he misses your company once you're gone.

OlivePeer · 01/03/2025 08:07

I would be upset about this, and not because of envy - it's about him not acting like you're a couple, and changing your romantic holiday to something else, where he's prioritising his own enjoyment over not ditching you and completing the journey together. I'd be just as unhappy to have the opposite situation, where he goes home and I stay for another week, so it's not because of jealousy.

healthybychristmas · 01/03/2025 08:16

I'm with you, although I know he has every right to do this it would feel very odd. It would be like going on a romantic date with someone and instead of him coming home with you, he says I'm going to carry on drinking and go on to a few more bars.

MinnieCoops · 01/03/2025 08:42

I'd be jealous but I wouldn't blame him.

If you like him why resent him having another week?

Imbusytodaysorry · 01/03/2025 08:45

@Byefeliciabyebye im with you . I would be angry and upset .
You travelled together you should go home together . A nice loved up break and he sends you back home alone .
Don’t say too much let him decide for himself then you will know who he is.

imtherelala · 01/03/2025 08:48

You are overreacting op.
Id stay another week he has no responsibility his kids have grown up.
Id definitely be enjoying it.
My first ever holiday i never did come home.

OlivePeer · 01/03/2025 08:57

I've been thinking some more about this and to me, a holiday with a partner is not just a holiday to a place while another person is there but may as well not be - the whole thing is a unit. The primary thing is spending time with them in a different environment, seeing things together, relaxing away from work together, etc. Saying you're having such a good time that you'll stay on alone is like saying "I can take or leave you being here." It is the opposite of romantic.

LegallyBlende · 01/03/2025 09:02

My dh hardly ever gets away so if I had to get back for work, I would be encouraging him to stay if he was able.

It's often me going off and him staying to work...and he encourages me to go, no point sitting at home because he has to work

LegallyBlende · 01/03/2025 09:03

When you get back, it's back to reality and work and chores...yours just comes a bit sooner than his this time

BunnyLake · 01/03/2025 09:18

I can’t get past the ‘grossly’ romantic (fixating on it rather than the actual issue). There’s a word for that kind of phrase (two opposites).

TinyGingerCat · 01/03/2025 09:25

You sound a bit intense OP, you're basically saying he can't have a nice time because you've got to go home to your kids - plus i also can't get past the phrase "grossly romantic".

Cinai2 · 01/03/2025 09:32

I think a holiday that started together should finish together (if that was the plan). However, if he decides to go somewhere else next week on his own, I’d be ok with that.

Snoken · 01/03/2025 09:43

BunnyLake · 01/03/2025 09:18

I can’t get past the ‘grossly’ romantic (fixating on it rather than the actual issue). There’s a word for that kind of phrase (two opposites).

Yea, it's an oxymoron I guess.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 01/03/2025 09:46

I don't see what the problem is. I've stayed abroad and my husband has needed to come home a few times. We don't need to be together 24/7.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 01/03/2025 09:47

You'd break up with him because you're jealous of his lifestyle? (That's what it sounds like)

Miaowzabella · 01/03/2025 09:48

Why shouldn't he extend his holiday by a week? It's not as if he were proposing a permanent move to Dubai. And sitting on a plane for a few hours is not exactly a major challenge. You should be able to do it without someone holding your hand.