To feel a bit weird about this....

[Forthelovagod]

In new relationship but with someone ive known a long time. I know he has always had female friends, i also know he has slept with at least one, although i dont know or want to know who is who.

Anyway im away this week. He mentioned yesterday his old pal was in the area and coming over for a catch up tonight. Assumes im ok with this and assures me unprompted that no one is a threat to me, he adores me.

Im totally fine with that. I feel adored. I know he loves me.

Chatting tonight he mentioned what he'd made them for dinner. He's a great cook. It sounded a lovely meal.

Got off phone and been feeling a bit uneasy ever since. Wtf is wrong with me.... Its just dinner. He loves to cook for folk. He didn't have to tell me. But if im honest it has made me feel a bit fucking miffed. He doesn't make a nice meal if a male pal visits. And he said popping up for a catch up.... Not im making her dinner.

Aibu? Am i being a dick? Fwiw my last relationship broke me and this has been a big step. Also i absolutely trust it was innocent but it still makes me feel weird

This would only bother me if he displayed other similar behaviour. Otherwise I wouldn't mind if he cooked dinner for a friend.

Similar behaviour like what? @Maitri108 there are no other concerns.... He asked me to post our holiday pics on fb and tag him for example... So i know he is happy we are together. I just feel so weird aboyt him making a nice meal for another woman 😳

If there are no other concerns then you need to get over it and move on.

i can’t be the only person who read this and can’t work out the issue? You’re sad he made a nice meal for a friend?

He seems like a decent person with a good social circle who cooked a nice meal for a friend. And told you about it all. You don't know the circumstances of him sleeping with a female friend but that seems to be the only reason you’re questioning his actions.
If he’s good to you, don’t overthink it and drive yourself crazy. He’s not actually done anything wrong.

The weird feeling is probably plain old fashioned jealousy at this point. You are in the first flush of things where spending time with him feels like the best thing ever, and you don't like the thought of someone else having his company and eating his lovely food when it could be you. If I were you I'd keep this under wraps for now. Its too early to be causing fuss about what he does when you're not together, and it will seem like a red flag to him. Just wait and see how things pan out with these friends of his. How often he sees them, how intimate the situations, whether you get introduced to them. If its an issue when you're more if an established couple and know how the land lies, thens the time to review things.

As long as the dinner wasn't sausage or kebab then I don't see the issue...

Its very cool wife to be totally ok with opposite sex friends- but I dunno...

Every single male friend I've ever had has tried it on with me or crossed boundaries at some point in time and I've had to bin them off.

I definitely won't be causing a fuss about it, i just needed somewhere to vent and try to make sense of why it has bothered me. Im not normally a jealous person, at all.

I guess i just see making a meal as quite romantic hence why he wouldn't make his male pal a nice meal

I would be extremely suspicious, especially since you say he wouldn't do this for a male friend. He can be happy to be with you and also happy to shag an old FWB on the side.

@IMissSparkling he definitely wasn't shagging her. He might have previously, i dont know. I just feel pissed that he cooked her dinner which seems romantic/intimate

I don't like this . One on one dinner in his home ? Why not meet at the pub it's too intimate for me . Xx

I'm a very secure person and I don't get jealous, so this is how I see these things. If I felt like my partner couldn't be trusted to have dinner alone with another person, I'd break up with them. I only date people who I believe tell me the truth.

If someone proves me wrong, so be it. But I will wait until such time as that happens to worry about it.

Yeah it feels a bit date-y, but then I guess so would going out for dinner or meeting her for drinks. Meeting an ex or exFWB specifically is obviously going to stir up some feelings. Anyone saying its a non-issue is deluding themselves.

I think just acknowledge your feelings about this, appreciate that he's been open and maybe one day you’ll meet her and end up being friends and any feeling of ‘threat’ from her will be long gone. If it continues to feel like an issue then you’ll just have to talk to him about that and see what he can say or do to make you feel differently about it.

@behappybee rural living... No pub nearby other than one full of arseholes and this friend has shit going on she wanted to talk about. Not pub talk.

@PlainsOfThePurpleBuffalo this is how i think.... Usually. I do trust him. I absolutely believe he loves me and wouldn't jeopardise what we have. He's not a cheater as far as i know and we have been friends for many years.

@SnowflakeSmasher86 yeah you've hit the nail on the head.... Dinner one on one feels datey to me. I wouldn't make dinner for one of my male pals... Esp one in a relationship.

If I were you I'd try and also befriend some of his pals, of both sexes. Once you know the female ones I'm sure you won't feel as jealous or threatened. Also you might make new nice friends. In a rural area it might be a good thing?

I assume he's fine with you having male friends?
If so it all sounds nothing to worry about.

If he ate/served pot noodle at home and cooked chateaubriand for her I'd be a bit pissed off I guess..but it's not like that is it?

OK. I also think it's plain old jealousy, insecurity and/or FOMO. Just a feeling to acknowledge, no further importance.

If he goes on to display mentionitis (or its opposite, no-mention-itis!) then you're allowed to get a bit antsy. For now, though, enjoy your week.

Especially when you’re not around. I wouldn’t like it either. You’re allowed to be upset but maybe since it’s a new relationship to just see how things pan out in the near future. Don’t nag yet. Lol

For a girl friend when she was away. It kind of looks sly

You say he's a good cook, are you sure he wouldn't ever make a meal for a male friend? If someone is visiting around a meal time, feeding them seems perfectly normal.

I guess you're feeling pressure to be the"cool" girlfriend, to show that you utterly trust him etc etc.

I can understand that, especially if you've "trusted" previous people that then prove not to be trustworthy.

I can only say from experience, that sometimes you find yourself taking that blind leap of faith, and hope that your Nan, is only cooking to show off his skills, and that he's probably doing it for a woman, coz it's more likely that a female will appreciate his cooking skills .
Guy mates might find it a bit weird to have another guy cook for them solely.

Like I said, that's just my experience and thoughts.

Good luck, that old insecurity feeling can either save you from future heartache, or destroy a budding GENUINE relationship.

Man not Nan whoops !!!!

@BobbyBiscuits she doesnt live nearby at the moment which is why he had her over tonight when she was back in town. I've met every other friend that's been around since starting our relationship. He's very good like that. I wonder if id have been invited had i not been away 🤔

I'll sleep on it.
He knows me well. We have been close pals for years. He will know im stewing over something. I guess it's just that dinner 1:1 seems datey to me and made me feel a bit jealous. I think that is ok. Im not about to lose my shit over it. Just need it acknowledged maybe

If you don’t like it (and I don’t blame you), talk to him about it. If you’d rather he didn’t do this without you being there too (perfectly reasonable imo), tell him. If you don’t like his reaction, think about whether you want to live with this anxiety, because he’ll keep doing it. Good luck.