Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

12 year old in Dad's bed

26 replies

Rankandfile · 28/02/2025 18:28

Husband and I are divorcing after a long marriage. Difficult and challenging and he's living in the (rented) family home as we sort finances. He's moved into the spare room (thank God) and we have told the kids about the divorce.

My 12 almost 13 year old son has recently started sleeping with him every night (double bed) and it's making me really uncomfortable. I've tried talking to him about it, but he's glued to Daddy who is currently playing Perfect Parent.

Am I being unreasonable - should I just accept that my son wants the comfort at this difficult time? Am I NOT being unreasonable - an almost teen boy should be in his own bed.

OP posts:
Redfred00 · 01/03/2025 18:26

Rankandfile · 01/03/2025 18:09

Well thank you this is all very helpful. Looking more deeply yes I probably am jealous, the “perfect parent” comment came from the fact that my husband is a narcissistic horror (not formally diagnosed but there have been ongoing patterns of narcissistic behaviour and coercive control over the years) and the kids have been pretty scared of him and his temper. Yes it does piss me off that my kids are rejecting me and clinging to him because he’s been pretty awful to them up until the divorce kicked off. He’s incredibly manipulative and lazy and that is probably at the root of all this for me. I am trying very hard to be cool about it in front of the kids and I think we are doing a decent job but yes the reality is that their parents are splitting and that must be incredibly traumatic for them. I have no concerns that anything inappropriate is happening so I will reframe this as best I can.

They don't need to cling to you. You are present and emotionally avaliable to them. They are clinging to him now and taking the crumbs offered because that's not been readily avaliable to them. They are taking what they can while they can.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread