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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum doesn’t want baby to go nursery

57 replies

HelloVeraPlant · 28/02/2025 14:57

I’m very lucky that I have family support. My baby is nearly 1, I have to go back to work and my partner is undergoing a major surgery in another city - and is staying with his family, so my family has stepped in with childcare. I work 3 days now, so I’ve put my baby in nursery as partner will be recovering for over a month.

My mum says that she doesn’t like the fact I’ve put the baby in nursery and that she will do the childcare. She has been super helpful! But when I work from home, and she is baby sitting - she will rush me, and only looks after the baby whilst I’m on calls without realising that I need the day to get the actual work done - which is one of the reasons I decided to put the baby in nursery.

I think she is being unreasonable. I get nursery isn’t ideal - and annoyingly baby caught a cold on the first week so it hasn’t helped my case. But at the same time relying on my mum means my production is low and I’m not getting much work done.

And yes, I could completely ignore her - but I’m staying there for a while whilst partner undergoes surgery and our flat has had other issues that makes staying with parents easier.

Who is unreasonable here - I almost feel bad for putting the baby in nursery so young but I’ve paid and his place is secured. But we really need the income as this year hasn’t been kind to us.

OP posts:

Woahtherehoney · 28/02/2025 14:59

As lovely as it is that your Mum wants to help, she’s your baby OP. You get to make the decisions, not your mum. You are now the mum and so need to do what’s best for your circumstances.

oakleaffy · 28/02/2025 15:00

Your mum needs to keep baby completely separate from you when you are working!
If she was to do that, it would be fine.

She’s only doing half a job by sound of it at moment?

NerrSnerr · 28/02/2025 15:01

You need to do what's right for you. You probably really need to find a way to not live with her if she's interfering a lot. Is your flat getting sorted?

thepariscrimefiles · 28/02/2025 15:12

Your mum obviously doesn't understand working from home if she thinks that she only needs to look after the baby when you are on a call. You either explain that she needs to look after the baby all day or you will need to put your child in nursery.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 28/02/2025 15:14

Your baby needs to go to nursery.

huuskymam · 28/02/2025 15:15

Could your mum do the babysitting at her house? Have you told her that you can't work properly with her and the baby there.

Notgivenuphope · 28/02/2025 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Katemax82 · 28/02/2025 15:28

huuskymam · 28/02/2025 15:15

Could your mum do the babysitting at her house? Have you told her that you can't work properly with her and the baby there.

Op is staying with her mum

HoskinsChoice · 28/02/2025 15:41

What makes you say nursery isn't ideal? Nursery is great to help children with their independence and social skills. I'd argue that nursery is better for at least part of the week, even if it's only one day, than them being at home with family 24/7.

SnakebitesandSambucas · 28/02/2025 15:52

Baby will be happy and better looked after in nursery. She will have 1 2 1 no distractions knowing you are there. You will feel better as you can concentrate and have some space as well. Just explain it's not a criticism of her looking after the baby. Just your priorities have changed during this window when recovery is crucial.

SnakebitesandSambucas · 28/02/2025 15:53

Also babies and children need to catch colds and viruses! It helps in the long run!

Devilsmommy · 28/02/2025 15:58

Just tell your mom exactly what you said here about the WFH thing and that you need proper childcare for these days not just when on calls. If she has a strop just ignore. You know what you need and what's best for your little one

sandyhappypeople · 28/02/2025 15:59

I can see where your mum is coming from, you are staying at theirs, working from their house, yet putting your baby in nursery, I assume your mum is in the house at the same time as you are working anyway? So it would seem a bit odd on insisting you send her to nursery, maybe she just doesn't see the point of you staying there if you're not utilising their help for childcare? Can you not leave the baby with her then go and work from your flat?

YANBU to send your baby to nursery, it's entirely up to you what childcare you prefer her to have, but YABVU to not explain the reasons to your mum, you are living with her, you owe it to her to be honest at least, if you were honest would she make an effort to leave you in peace while you're working? Why not just talk to her about it?

Totototo · 28/02/2025 16:06

My DC was born 2 months premature and the NICU Consultant told us the best thing for them was as soon as they corrected for preterm birth get them in nursery.

We did part time nursery from 14 months old. DC loved nursery.

All grown up now, achieved top grades in GCSE’s and A levels even though their preterm birth was end of August instead of October so they were the youngest in their year.

Nursery is not just childcare it is so much more.

You are the parent if you are happy with nursery stick with it.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 28/02/2025 16:08

I would put it to your mother that the current arrangement isn't working. There are too many interruptions and you cannot afford to lose your job. The current economic climate and your husbands situation plus flat issues. You NEED to be employed.
Her support when the baby is unwell is hugely appreciated and it's lovely to spend more time with her yada yada.

Or you explain your alternative is for you to go into the office for your three days which would make the working day longer, increase your costs and mean she would be absolutely solo parenting from 7am to 7pm [or whatever]

LucyMonth · 28/02/2025 16:09

All forms of childcare have pros and cons.

One of the biggest pros of nursery over other forms is reliability. They will always be there. Even if a staff member or 2 is off sick they can move staff around rooms to cover etc.

Right now your Mum is being very generous but she isn’t being reliable. What she’s providing isn’t childcare. It’s more like a “helping hand” which isn’t what you need.

Can you go somewhere else to work while she’s in the home with your baby?

noidea69 · 28/02/2025 16:10

Yeah 100% put the baby in nursery, its your child, your mum doesnt get to call the shots.

Separately, this being mumsnet, i amazed no one has suggested yet that your husband is lying about surgery and is away having an affair.

autisticbookworm · 28/02/2025 16:14

Nursery is great for socialising, preparation for school environment, different toys/activities to explore. Tell your mum you are happy with your decision and don't want to continue discussing it.

commonsense61 · 28/02/2025 16:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

KatieB55 · 28/02/2025 16:15

Can you go out and work in the library? I do this sometimes and there is a work area where I can do calls (with headphones) - unless its confidential.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 28/02/2025 16:24

You need to be honest with her, if she can manage without interruptions, then I'd think about it.

Nursery is good for the baby too, often they get sick a lot for the first year, meaning sleep deprivation for parents who need rest to work.

Write down the pros vs cons.

Upstartled · 28/02/2025 16:25

It sounds like your parents have been incredibly kind and accommodating. Can you suggest to your DM that she deserves a break too?

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 28/02/2025 16:27

It’s your baby and your decision.

SummerInSun · 28/02/2025 16:28

I'd say to your mum that you want your baby in nursery a few days a week for socialisation, getting used to being left with other trusted adults, all the extra activities and experiences the baby gets there. But that you are super grateful for her support at other times and when the baby is ill and can't go, in holidays, etc.

SwayzeM · 28/02/2025 16:36

Could you look at renting an office space. I had a quick look on this site https://www.easyoffices.com/uk/day-office and it looked like it would be cheaper than nursery, unless you get funding. You could maybe split the week as well so your mum gets to watch her 2 -3 days and she goes to nursery for the other days. Or split based on what hours are covered by funding and.your mum.haver her the other hours.

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