9 year old bullied for 'moustache'

[Sockmate123]

Posting here for traffic mainly.

My 9 (almost 10 year old) this morning blurted out before school that 'everyone' in her class is saying she has a 'moustache'.

She is a sensitive little soul that keeps things in so this may have happened once or ongoing for months. I am going to chat to her further after school. She is very pretty and quite talented in a couple of areas. I know every Mum says that! But she genuinely is. Has done a small bit of modelling etc
She is like Snow White. Pale skin, very dark hair, red lips. So dark hair on pale skin obviously is a little more noticeable than fair hair on tanned skin but its by no means a 'moustache' but up close in direct sunlight etc you probably would notice a few hairs either side of her mouth.

Has anyone any suggestions?
Would hair removal cream help? I have fair hair myself so haven't had this issue.

I am going to speak to the Teacher about talking to the class in a general sense about talking about others appearance etc

I suspect I know who the child leading this is and I think its from a place of jealousy....😡

YABU-shes too young for such products
YANBU -if its something that shes self conscious about better to try to something to help.

I wouldn't be so sure that there isn't lip hair visible. Girls with pale skin and dark hair are always going to have more visible facial hair (and leg and arm hair) than those who are lighter in complexion or with lighter hair.

There is nothing wrong with removing the hair if remarks are not something the girl wants to deal with. This isn't condoning the remarks or saying the teasing classmates have a point. There are no medals handed out to children made to feel they should die on any specific hills that adults might consider important.

Thanks all. I have ordered Finishing touch flawless. She was crying this evening saying she just wants to look like the other girls in her class 💔
Going to hopefully speak to Teacher tomorrow. It is the child that I suspected and she was trying to exclude her playing games today also. Its awkward because I'm friendly enough with the child's Mum but I don't feel I can approach her about this.

As someone above has suggested, the Flawless hair removal is amazing my daughter also has hair on her upper lip and a bit of a monobrow and we use that probably once a month and it literally takes seconds to get rid of it all. I bleached my upper lip hair when I was around 10 and it was just a nightmare but that was in the 90s and there wasn't much else to use!

Glad you ordered the bleach. My mum was fully supportive of me bleaching my facial hair as a child and I'm so glad she was.

I would buy one of the expensive devices that remove it permanently with repeated use. Pain free, no redness and nothing for the horrors to see in terms of regrowth. Shouldn’t be needed but it was the same for me decades ago!

So sad to read this update OP, but the Finishing Touch sounds a good idea. You definitely need to speak to the class teacher to nip this in the bud. It will be better to let the teacher deal with this rather than you speaking to the bully’s mum at this stage. The excluding from games is very nasty behaviour, has this behaviour come out of the blue? Is the bully new to the school and trying to establish herself in the pecking order? Or have they previously been classmates with no issues?

The bullying child, will call her Ann for sake of this is very much on the periphery. Would be in a 'group' so to speak. Hasn't been invited to the last 3 girls parties (not all girls were but maybe 70% were). My DD has been to all. She apparently has a crush on a boy in the class who has a crush on my DD (brought her in a Valentines card & chocs). I dont know if its a combination of these recent events that is making her extra jealous and bringing out negative behaviour. She is a bit of an odd child but I hadn't seen nastiness per se in her before. Her Mum would say she's very shy, she doesn't seem to do well socially.
No shes not new to the school..

That should read wouldn't be in s group

You’ll have to remove it unfortunately. When she’s old enough get it lasered. It’s worth the money. Fix the things you can fix for them.

Sounds like ‘Ann’ is struggling in her own way with feeling left out of parties, being on the periphery socially, combined with the jealousy issue. She needs support also, but of course needs to understand that the unkind behaviour cannot continue. The teacher needs to know what’s going on; she can have a word with both your DD and Ann, and perhaps needs to do some stuff with the whole class around kindness and not leaving people out.

Just let her get rid of it. There's time enough to embrace her natural beauty when she's older and stronger. Pre-teen is not the time.

Look at the women on this thread who were in this position when we were little and our mums didn't help us (for very good reasons usually, of course).

My DD has used the finishing touch flawless for the last couple of years (since age 8) and it's been perfect for her. She just does it every 3 days.

Im just concerned when I hear this, like every 3 days? Is it basically the same as shaving?

Get it removed.

This resonated, my child is fair skin with very thick and dark hair. I’ve told her as have others that she has beautiful eyelashes and hair. This means she may have hair in other areas like upper lip. We’ve agreed to remove this upper lip hair in the summer holiday before “high school” as she calls it. I’ve got the Jolene, the veet, the little face razors..all ready. Will probably use Jolene cream that bleaches the hair first. I suspect my daughter may hurry the process, shes ten already but when puberty kicks in I imagine she’ll become self conscious.

I hope for all who have this issue, it all goes well.

As for the bullying, that adds a pressure to the OP’s situation. I think I’d be tempted to remove the upper lip hair and at the same time tackle the bullying issue as appropriate.

I want to say leave it, children shouldn't have to conform to beauty standards, BUT I think if it's causing her distress then get rid (of the hair not the child!). I personally wouldn't bleach the hair because I did this once and it just looked like I had a blonde moustache, especially in the light. If she can take it then waxing is best, if not then hair removal cream.

God, kids can behave hideously when they are unhappy can't they? Your poor DD and you. Remember most of us have had some horrible insults thrown at us and it's part of learning about standing up for yourself etc, but agree with others that you should help her in the way she'd like, as long as it's safe for her skin.

Is your DD ok about you speaking to the teacher? I'd imagine she'd be reticent but I'd be inclined speak with the teacher, make clear you don't want a big thing made of it but ask what she's seen and how she can help your DD.

This is a really hard thread for me to read as I was this little girl and I fear my DD will be the same.

I feel like I’ve always known I was hairier than I was meant to be. I was very young when I started hating my ballet lessons, swimming lessons, the entirety of summer, basically anytime my hairy arms and legs would have to be out. I stole my dad’s razor once to sort it out myself ahead of a school trip and had to go with a comical amount of plasters on each leg instead. I was too preoccupied with hating my monobrow at your DD’s age that I guess I didn’t even notice the moustache but no doubt it was there as well.

As much as I hated it, it is disappointing to see so many women urging you to get rid of it as if your DD is faulty and it shouldn’t be there. I completely understand that it removes the problem of people pointing it out but it does seem like the bullies say “you’ve got a moustache” and the response is “oh yeah so I have I’ll have to sort that out”.

The amount of young girls who apparently have this problem on this thread shows surely that actually it’s completely natural for girls and women to have body and facial hair. And yet we all have to pretend otherwise. Even into adulthood until some of us just get so bored of it we give up. Yes I know that no 9 year old girl wants to be a feminist advocate for body or facial hair but I find it so depressing that just pretending it’s not a thing and making hair removal part of an actual child’s hygiene routine seems to be the only answer.

I don’t have any solution OP but you and your DD have my sympathies and I fear I’ll be having to make the same decisions for my own DD in the future.

I’d be careful with hair removal cream and waxing both can be harsh on the skin if not done properly. In the past I’ve had removal cream feel like it was burning and a blister from waxing.

@Sockmate123 - I guess it is like shaving but it doesn't feel like that's what you are doing. It's not messy, doesn't hurt, no shaving bumps, it literally takes about 10 seconds to do. I spent ages looking through threads on here before deciding what to do. I didn't want to use the creams as worried about chemical burns, didn't want to cause any pain and this was the best option I could see. It's been absolutely fine, she just does it as part of a routine like brushing her teeth, doesn't give it any thought at all now.

A bit older than your DD but i remember very well a girl in my class getting made fun of for dark hair on pale skin having top lip hair. She bleached it, it was less noticeable, but as it had been previously pointed out, bullies still looked, saw it was there and now bleached, so made fun of her for bleaching her top lip hair. As such i would def go for removal over bleaching. I have PCOS but thankfully didn't get the obvious beard and muzzy til i was past school age, but i have to shave every other day to remove mine. I always have had a unibrow though so i got the same bullying and nicknamed "brows". On top of being the fat, clever kid.

You're absolutely right @CrazySusan, it's a tricky one. I still find it bonkers that blokes are on average so much hairier than us, and we are the ones criticised or expected to remove our relatively tiny amounts of hair.

I like to think times are changing. My eldest is 18 and her age group seem far more relaxed about body hair than I've ever managed. Not that that's any help to OP's daughter now.

Very much doubt she’ll need to do it that often. Possibly only once a week or fortnight. You won’t know until you’ve tried it; everyone’s skin tone and regrowth will be different.

My mother felt she ought to be a good feminist and not bow to societal pressure to help me remove body hair.

It was hell being that girl. I just wish she'd stepped up for me and helped me remove it, or at least given me the choice.

I'll never forgive her inaction.

I love my mother but she was so crap about everything around puberty. I vowed I would be better if I had a daughter. I had a son and started early on personal hygiene so it was ingrained by the time it mattered!!