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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

9 year old bullied for 'moustache'

104 replies

Sockmate123 · 27/02/2025 09:36

Posting here for traffic mainly.

My 9 (almost 10 year old) this morning blurted out before school that 'everyone' in her class is saying she has a 'moustache'.

She is a sensitive little soul that keeps things in so this may have happened once or ongoing for months. I am going to chat to her further after school. She is very pretty and quite talented in a couple of areas. I know every Mum says that! But she genuinely is. Has done a small bit of modelling etc
She is like Snow White. Pale skin, very dark hair, red lips. So dark hair on pale skin obviously is a little more noticeable than fair hair on tanned skin but its by no means a 'moustache' but up close in direct sunlight etc you probably would notice a few hairs either side of her mouth.

Has anyone any suggestions?
Would hair removal cream help? I have fair hair myself so haven't had this issue.

I am going to speak to the Teacher about talking to the class in a general sense about talking about others appearance etc

I suspect I know who the child leading this is and I think its from a place of jealousy....😡

YABU-shes too young for such products
YANBU -if its something that shes self conscious about better to try to something to help.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sockmate123 · 27/02/2025 10:49

Thanks so much everyone for the kind and helpful comments. My heart broke for her this morning. I will look into these options thanks.

Do you all think I should also mention to Teacher?

OP posts:
Shintoland · 27/02/2025 10:53

I would tread very carefully. Give her spaces to ask to do something about it rather than offering, because the last thing she needs is her mum telling her the bullies are right. Let her lead.

One technique is you brainstorm a long list of possible solutions to the bullying together and then talk them through, choose the best and make a plan. Start with generic responses to bullying, roleplaying, walking away etc, encourage her to chip in ideas. Include & write down some obviously silly ideas. See if she suggests hair removal. If she doesn't, I don't think I would suggest it. Then go through your joint list and pick out the best solutions to make a plan, which may or may not include removal.

Yes I think you should mention it to her teacher, but it's only part of the fix.

Tillow4ever · 27/02/2025 11:16

thewreckofthehesperus · 27/02/2025 10:21

I use this as I've had laser on my upper lip but still have a few remaining hairs. No messing with chemicals or pain from waxing. Might get her through til shes a bit older and can decide herself what she wants to do? bought mine in tesco but ive seen them in boots too.

100% recommend this - I was going to recommend it myself, but was scrolling to see if anyone else had! No shaving cream, sharp razors, rash, etc - just gets rid of the fine hairs there! It's fantastic.

Pancakeflipper · 27/02/2025 11:22

With the flawless trimmer - does it grow back noticeably? Thick or really fine ?

Asking for my own twirly moustache.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 27/02/2025 11:23

Don't bleach - my mate did hers when we were teenagers and it was orange.
Buy an IPL machine... do your armpits at the same time! I did mine and it was a life changer! (I'm not suggesting you have hairy pits... sorry!).

Isobel201 · 27/02/2025 11:24

Its horrible really because a little facial hair is absolutely normal, and I think the adverts on TV and social media would not help with the amount of shaving, waxing and other products out there.
The school should do a general message to pupils about general appearance. I have PCOS and therefore the extra hair that comes with it means I have to shave once a week, but I still expected to be treated with respect, and so should your daughter.

thewreckofthehesperus · 27/02/2025 11:34

Pancakeflipper · 27/02/2025 11:22

With the flawless trimmer - does it grow back noticeably? Thick or really fine ?

Asking for my own twirly moustache.

Ive had no issues with regrowth coming back thicker or darker thankfully. Ill prob do a few more sessions of laser eventually but found this the handiest way of keeping it under control til then.

Trampedthedayaway · 27/02/2025 11:37

I had this about the same age. My mother commented on it but didn't offer a solution. It took another girl a year older to offer advice after she saw me being bullied on the bus.

I used to bleach mine. May not have looked great but it helped my confidence enough so I could forget about it.

I wouldn't wax, I did that for a while and it left semipermanent dark marks.

Removal cream burned my skin too.

I had electrolysis when older but that was painfully slow. Had laser later on, which I was happy with. Some hairs have grown back in menopause but I don't care anymore!

Yes girls shouldn't be bullied for this but I wish my mother had helped me sort it out, I was honestly scarred by the bullying and it damaged my self esteem for years.

I wouldn't talk to the teacher, it would be excruciatingly embarrassing to be a teaching point for the class, they would work out what it's about. Just help her sort it out quietly.

CarrotTopParsnipToe · 27/02/2025 11:57

Certainly tell the teacher your child is being bullied and by who. You don't need to say why. The why is irrelevant, your DD's appearance isn't causing another child to be a bully. They are a bully and have found something to target. If your DD had no facial hair, they would have found another thing to pick on.

Bullying cannot be tolerated and the teacher should address it as best they can. Telling the teacher what you DD is be bullied about might further embarrass her if the teacher handles it poorly.

ladyofshertonabbas · 27/02/2025 12:16

As some one pale with dark hair, this could have been me. I second helping her by getting rid of it, it ruined my confdence just when I needed it. I was allergic to remover cream and would often turn up at special occasions with a moustache shaped rash on my face :-(.

It is a bit painful, so maybe a bit young, but the hair removers which are like bendy springs have been life changing for me- they're about £2 on ali express. It has the same effect of waxing. She can do it herself- privacy and control.

OxfordInkling · 27/02/2025 12:20

Help her remove it. I wax my daughter’s (12) top lip and have for a while - eventually when she’s an adult I’ll pay for laser removal.

kids can be cruel and little girls rarely want to make a feminist stand - they want to fit in

Downbadatthegym · 27/02/2025 12:26

if it is downy fine hair you might get away with shaving every few days, that or bleach. All other forms of hair removal can stimulate growth as it draws circulation to the area so “feeds” the hair.
Like others say some MMA or other martial arts training wouldn’t go a miss to improve her confidence.
Children can be very cruel.

oakleaffy · 27/02/2025 12:41

CarrotTopParsnipToe · 27/02/2025 09:55

That's one of those things that I'd offer her the options and sort it out ASAP. But bullies will just find another thing to point out. Try to help her with some practical advice for dealing with them, try role playing it with her. She needs to show the bully that they have no effect on her

Definitely this.. Deflect the silly ''insults'' like badminton shuttlecocks - biff them right back-

However, at 9 this is harder to do.

There used to be a lovely girl at our school {primary} and this kind, sensible girl used to blush - and when to was found that she was sensitive about it, the bullies used to chant ''Who's gone red! Who's gone RED!! Who's GONE RED!!! over and over in the playground- {which was large, so staff on playground duty only noticed if someone was really upset. This poor girl would be in tears sometimes, surrounded by the chanting mob of kids {always girls- boys didn't do this sort of thing}

Kids can be awful.

@Sockmate123 Almost certainly jealousy on behalf of the tormenters.

oakleaffy · 27/02/2025 12:42

OxfordInkling · 27/02/2025 12:20

Help her remove it. I wax my daughter’s (12) top lip and have for a while - eventually when she’s an adult I’ll pay for laser removal.

kids can be cruel and little girls rarely want to make a feminist stand - they want to fit in

Absolutely this. ☝️
Why let a child suffer needlessly if something can be done about it.

Spondoolies · 27/02/2025 12:45

Just use the micro blading, then you can keep on top of any regrowth, it takes 2 seconds and is very gentle on the skin

9 year old bullied for 'moustache'
Original poster
Sockmate123 · 27/02/2025 12:52

Thanks everyone. Lots of sound advice including the brainstorming idea. Also a very good point was made that I dont want to make her think i agree with the bullies and immediately jump to hair removal but will do maybe in a week or so.

Her teacher actually looks like her, people have commented she looks like a big sister (very young) so I imagine she will be very sympathetic as maybe its something she has endured herself or not, but shes very nice overall so I think I will mention it too.

OP posts:
Yerblues · 27/02/2025 13:05

BadgersGalore · 27/02/2025 10:14

I wouldn't use bleach or hair removal cream. Get some facial wax strips and whip it off that way - or take her to a salon if they will wax a child that age.

Agree with this. My ten year old daughter had the same problem and I used facial wax strips.

Shintoland · 27/02/2025 13:14

It's not very helpful to tell a child that it's jealousy. OP's daughter will feel like she is the bottom of the social pyramid, she'll just think you don't get it.

There's an excellent Modern Life is Goodish episode where Dave Gorman hears "your mum is a bitch" or somesuch and he mentally translates it to "I am trying to hurt your feelings". Obvs it's comedy but it's been brilliant to help my autistic teen cope with bullying. It really creates a distance and takes the sting out, a bit like saying "ridikulus" to a boggart. The episode might be a bit age inappropriate in language but the concept could make for dinnertime conversation. Annoyingly I can't find the episode or clip from a quick Google though.

I'd also recommend Brooks Gibbs on bullying

EveryDayisFriday · 27/02/2025 13:15

I had this at primary school, made me so self conscious. My Mum did wax and use veet which made it much better.

Lyn397 · 27/02/2025 13:19

I would start by telling her that it's perfectly normal for woman and girls to have some hair on their faces including above their lip and that it is not a moustache. I would also say that anyone saying such things is silly, immature and rude. I would find out who said and have a quiet word with the teacher and ask them to have a quiet word with the child/children to put a stop to it.

I definitely wouldn't jump straight to removing the hair! I have a little hair on my top lip and would be very upset if someone told me how to remove it when I don't want to. By all means tell her some people choose to remove hair and if she wants to then you'll discuss the options with her - but go through the other steps first. She's only 9 years old and the last thing she needs is to think she needs to conform to bullies.

Original poster
Sockmate123 · 27/02/2025 13:24

Lyn397 · 27/02/2025 13:19

I would start by telling her that it's perfectly normal for woman and girls to have some hair on their faces including above their lip and that it is not a moustache. I would also say that anyone saying such things is silly, immature and rude. I would find out who said and have a quiet word with the teacher and ask them to have a quiet word with the child/children to put a stop to it.

I definitely wouldn't jump straight to removing the hair! I have a little hair on my top lip and would be very upset if someone told me how to remove it when I don't want to. By all means tell her some people choose to remove hair and if she wants to then you'll discuss the options with her - but go through the other steps first. She's only 9 years old and the last thing she needs is to think she needs to conform to bullies.

Yes exactly this, I don't want her thinking she needs to conform. She caught me on the hop this morning as we were rushing out the door but I'll have a proper chat with her later.

There is a girl in the class who last week kept calling her 'average' so I have a suspicion its her that has kicked it off. The child in question isn't a child you would aspire to be like so its pretty rich her having a go at other people!!!

OP posts:
BobbinThreadbare123 · 27/02/2025 13:26

LavenderBlue19 · 27/02/2025 10:00

I would sort it for her. I was bullied for my very noticeable tache and dark leg hair at school and it was horrible. My mum wouldn't let me get rid until I was 14.

I would try a few things and see what she prefers. Hair removal cream might be too harsh on her skin, as might waxing, but they're probably easiest. Definitely IPL when she's old enough - I have a Philips Lumea and mine is almost gone now. Such a relief after decades of regular hair removal and insecurity.

Same for my mum. It was very upsetting and I think it's a mum's job to help sort it. I don't think I've really forgiven mine on this issue and I'm in my 40s!

Maray1967 · 27/02/2025 13:32

I have pale skin and dark hair and if my DSs had been DDs I would have been dealing with this as a parent as well.

I’d go for removal cream, good brand, and do it on a Friday evening, so if any redness develops it should be long gone by Monday.

Watch the clock and don’t leave it on for longer than is stated.

IHatePumping88 · 27/02/2025 13:36

I hit puberty early, I had breasts by age 10 and was starting to get spots. I also seemed to have a bit of a moustache. I was lucky my mum understood and took me to a beautician regularly to get special facials to help with acne and also helped with hair removal. There are IPL lasers you can use for facial hair or you can old school and wax it off.

mickandrorty · 27/02/2025 13:48

I waxed my daughters. Once it had been pointed out she was self-conscious about it, no amount of saying she was fine as she was etc was going to undo that.

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