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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How many presents do you get for your birthday?

74 replies

salemcooper · 26/02/2025 16:38

Am I the silly goose or is DH? As an adult I do not expect birthday presents. I got one from DH/DD and my parents and that was it. And that was more than I expected. Once you have kids you can expect that the focus shifts, in my opinion!

DH got rather upset when he only received presents from 4 people (me and dd, my parents, his parents and grandparents) and felt really hard done by. At nearly 40!

As an adult, how many gifts do you get for your bd and would you be sad if you received fewer?

OP posts:
bettydavieseyes · 26/02/2025 16:42

I never want or expect anything but am always pleased to receive! I get presents from my DP, kids and parents usually. Occasionally a friend but only if they happen to be around at the time! I wonder what he was expecting?

JacquesHarlow · 26/02/2025 16:42

YABU.

PeloMom · 26/02/2025 16:42

I disagree with focus shifting after having kids- I don’t stop being a person. Also it’s good to give example of thoughtful gift giving to the kids. I expect one gift - from my DH (preferably with some input from DC). I’ve received gifts from PIL and DP in the past but I found it a bit weird. Thankfully stopped now.

hairyunicorn · 26/02/2025 16:44

last birthday, I got a bunch of flowers from work. that's it :(

DappledThings · 26/02/2025 16:47

Zero. which is by my request.

DH gets them from me, DC, his parents, my parents and his siblings. Who else was your DH expecting them from?

He'd get more if he hosted a party but what adult does that outside big birthdays?

KimP85 · 26/02/2025 16:48

I'm 39. I get presents from my husband and my mum. I get money from my in-laws and that's enough. For me as i get older I don't expect anything and don't want people spending their money on me. Obviously it's nice to receive gifts but for me not expected.

storminabuttercup · 26/02/2025 16:48

I get presents from DP/DC, MIL and my Dsis

At Christmas DP/DC and MIL as myself and sis just do kids at Xmas

I'm NC with my parents and stopped buying friends when we started having kids unless it's big birthdays

Last year not a big birthday but a colleague happened to be returning to work from holiday on my birthday and had bought me a gift she saw and randomly thought of me which was wonderful and so very kind

I do think once you have kids or even become an older adult presents aren't really a big thing but it's lovely to receive them if they are thoughtful

JaceLancs · 26/02/2025 16:49

I usually get money or a voucher from DM and DB
A few friends and I exchange small gifts eg flowers, plant or an ornament or candle so maybe 3-4 other things
Adult DC usually 1-2 big presents (this year I’ve asked for Lego) and maybe a bottle or chocolate
DP always says he is useless at gift buying so will just buy me something I suggest to him - this year I’ve asked for new shelving for my expanding Lego collection
He will also take me out for a more expensive than usual meal
I feel pretty spoilt, but then I like to spoil those around me when it’s their birthdays

Redfred00 · 26/02/2025 16:50

It was my husband birthday recently. He got £50 ( his dad), a lynx box set (Dc age 4) a bottle of mango shower gel (DC age 6) and boxers (me). I did take him for lunch and a trip to the tower of london. We are in our late 40s. With kids we don't have the luxury tobspendvload of money on each other.

Rewis · 26/02/2025 16:50

I get a gift from my bf and parebts. My brother and bff buys me a drink the next time we see each other after bday. But 2 physical gifts.

Who else did your husband expect gifts from? Does she buy gifts to his friends and other family and they are not returning the favour? Or does he just expect other people to buy him gifts?

SwanFlight · 26/02/2025 16:51

I get one if I am lucky.

xyz111 · 26/02/2025 16:51

Who else does he expect presents from? People he buys for but haven't bought for him?

TabloidFootprints · 26/02/2025 16:52

It really depends what I am doing for my birthday, who I am seeing at around the same time etc. Generally I would get presents from DH; DS1 and 2 (joint or separate); my parents; my two sisters; and any friends I was seeing around that time (there are three or four that often buy for each other but it could go up to six or seven, it depends, we aren't very reciprocal so some years I might buy for X but she doesn't for me, and vice versa).

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 26/02/2025 16:54

I really don't understand the idea that once you have DC you don't get a birthday. They're not rationed! It's important that DC see parents as actual people imo, not just facilitators of their life. We do something I want to do on my birthday / the Saturday too (same for DP and DD)

I get presents from DP, DD, DB, DPs, SIL and my best mate. Sometimes from other friends if I'm seeing them about that time. Some years I get chocolates from the cat! 😂

We've lost MIL and GPs now but used to get gifts from them too.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 26/02/2025 16:54

I get something from dh, from my adult kids, my mum, my inlaws, my siblings and my friends.

Bayonetlightbulb · 26/02/2025 16:55

I receive from:
DH
DH's parents
My parents
My children
My sister

I actually feel that's quite a lot writing it out!

roselilylavender · 26/02/2025 16:59

I'm quite surprised at your DH as, in my experience, men rarely give presents to each other on birthdays so, if he has received them from all family members, who else was he expecting to get them from?
In my 20s, I exchanged presents with a dozen or so friends. In my 30s, I cut right back as it just seemed to be one massive exchange of scented candles but that was about the same time as friends had DC and we tended to buy for each other's children. Then the giving of presents to each other's children stopped and then I had a few cheaper & hassle free years when I bought for no one really outside of family. In the past couple of years, I have realised some of my friends have lost both of their parents, are in an unhappy relationship and their DC are too young to properly organise much themselves so I tend to drop them off a card and flowers or chocolate so that they at least have something on their birthday.

EmeraldRoulette · 26/02/2025 17:04

I got 4 and was pleased (49)

Single, my elderly mum can't get out to buy things. Major issues with friends vanishing. So I was happy with that.

on my 40th I must have had at least a dozen. Has he got friends?

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 26/02/2025 17:05

I’ve had 4/5 small things plus dinner out from DP. My DCs are all grown up, so one of them took us out for family dinner, another brought me croissants juice etc on the morning of, and bought me a cake. DD must have spent loads, with 5 or 6 really lovely gifts. Ex MIL still sends me money in a card! DSis took me out for lunch. I’m seeing a theme of food related gifts for me Grin.

I’d be sad to get nothing but honestly I felt a bit guilty getting so much this year. I’d be happy with a bunch of daffs and a bar of chocolate tbh as it really is the thought that counts.

MarioLink · 26/02/2025 17:06

I get present from DH, he gets something for from each child then I get cash from my in-laws. My mum sometimes remembers. Your DH is being a baby.

WinterSun20 · 26/02/2025 17:11

Is it that he wanted gifts from other people (eg friends) or more gifts from the people who gifted him? I usually do a few gifts for dh. A main one and then some smaller treats / surprises. He does the same for me so we usually have about 5 gifts just from each other. Don't agree with not bothering once kids come along, they already hijack Christmas, I'm not giving up my birthday! 🤣

Original poster
salemcooper · 26/02/2025 17:12

I like this idea that a few of you have mentioned that it's good for kids to see you get presents in your birthdays! And that you don't stop being a person. For me, it's more like I'd rather people spend money on the kids than me as I don't mind either way really (not that it exactly works like that) and I feel like planning kids parties has made me think of birthdays as a kid's event now!

To be fair, DH got a lot more presents before dd was born. From aunts and uncles and a few friends. Once dd was born there was a sort of unspoken shift that they all started hosting dd instead! And he does also make sure he gets extended family (small) gifts and cards, it's sort of a tradition in his side of the family which doesn't exist in ours. Which is why I find it so strange.

OP posts:
Original poster
salemcooper · 26/02/2025 17:13

*gifting, not hosting

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 26/02/2025 17:20

If your DH has a) previously received gifts on his birthday from other people (as an adult) and b) always buys gifts for them, then it's reasonable that he'd be disappointed if they've suddenly stopped with no explanation. It sounds from your updates that this is the case, so I can see why he was a bit miffed with his extended family.

DP always gets something from his aunt and uncle, but he always sends them something too. DP and I also get something for SIL and BIL and we both get gifts from them in return, and we exchange gifts with our parents too. However, I don't exchange gifts with my siblings and in my family we stop birthday presents with nieces and nephews after 18.

ginasevern · 26/02/2025 17:25

I haven't expected to get birthday presents for years! Who the hell does your DH expect to get presents from? Sounds like he does just fine at his age anyway. Tell him he's 40 not 12.