Being called a smelly cunt

[Shady11]

My partner of 20 years loves calling me names. I’ve been called cunt before but he called me a smelly cunt this time then tried to say I started the argument. I still don’t think it warrants the abusive name.
I feel like everything I do is wrong, it’s never good enough he knit picks at me over every thing and barely makes eye contact it’s always about him, his job how busy he is. I feel really lost like I don’t matter, I’ve never felt good enough for him. In them 20 years we had kids on his terms, I was pregnant he didn’t want it I ended up losing the baby and eventually 10 years later he was ready to try I’ve two amazing kids now, but he has never even asked me to marry him: i feel really disconnected and utterly useless

Leave him?

Why are you with him?

Get rid of him.

You’re not useless and you do matter. You deserve to be safe and happy. Your kids deserve to live in a happy home which they currently don’t. What steps do you need to take to leave?

He does love the kids, I guess I stayed so long in the hope of change I am an older mum so I felt like I didn’t want to have to start again with someone or miss my chance of being a mum as f*cked up as that sounds. I am no wall flower I have my faults but I just really feel like I’m at breaking point. I don’t really have a lot of people around me parents are not in great health either

ive no where to go

Do you work OP? How old are your kids?

At the moment I am not as I was getting bad anxiety and panic attacks

Jeez, who is the asshole that thinks you're being unreasonable?

Either stand up to him or leave unless you think he would be physically violent.

If he calls you a smelly cunt, return the comment by saying, "What does that make you then, as you're my partner?!"

I'm not surprised. He's ground you down and undermined you to the point you've lost your identity. You and your children are worth so much more than this.

What is your housing situation?

You deserve better than this 😞

Sending love and strength OP. You don’t deserve this. I bet your children think you are a lovely mum. Make plans to live a happier life without him.

He’s a disgusting human being and u know yourself this is wrong . U deserve better than this pathetic excuse of a man .

Voted YABU because you’re unreasonable to put up with this shit. Why are you with him?

Because of the kids and they are quite young and I’ve no other place to go

I would genuinely rather be alone and destitute as a single parent stay be with a man who treated me like this. In the nicest possible way op have a bit of respect for yourself and stop settling for this shit.

It’s not really normal to call your partner a cunt full stop. I’ve had some blazing rows with DH. He’s never sworn at me (and vice versa). I really think he’s been so awful to you that you think theres something wrong with you. I’ve been there, it’s not you it’s him. Leave, just leave, nothing you do can make any of this better. He’s abusive.

Really helped by his behaviour towards you and name calling I am sure 🤨 He sounds like a horrible abusive individual and you deserve so much better. Contact women’s aid and get your ducks in a row to leave. You do not have to live the rest of your life like this.

Thank you, I really want to I know if it was a friend telling me this I’d think she was crazy for staying or putting up with it. It’s just so hard when ur in it

We have mortgage on house together

I understand it’s difficult to leave with small kids. Look at what you would be eligible to claim, you can start planning now on how you could leave. There are loads of women on mumsnet who can advise you how you can leave with your children and keep them housed an fed. I expect someone will be along with some good advice soon. Wishing you the best OP, life can be so much better than this.

You and the kids need to leave, it's really bad for the kids to be in a house with an abusive parent - and that's what he is because he's abusing their mum.

Contact womens aid or any other domestic abuse charities /organisations. Also tell your family, they may offer to help.

This is never, under any circumstances, acceptable. Lost my wife after 24 years. Never called her a nasty name, never tried to shame her. This is not what you do when you love someone. Your circumstances sound difficult, but can you really imagine getting old with this bully?

Is women’s aid only for domestic violence?