Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being called a smelly cunt

58 replies

Shady11 · 24/02/2025 20:00

My partner of 20 years loves calling me names. I’ve been called cunt before but he called me a smelly cunt this time then tried to say I started the argument. I still don’t think it warrants the abusive name.
I feel like everything I do is wrong, it’s never good enough he knit picks at me over every thing and barely makes eye contact it’s always about him, his job how busy he is. I feel really lost like I don’t matter, I’ve never felt good enough for him. In them 20 years we had kids on his terms, I was pregnant he didn’t want it I ended up losing the baby and eventually 10 years later he was ready to try I’ve two amazing kids now, but he has never even asked me to marry him: i feel really disconnected and utterly useless

OP posts:
Original poster
Shady11 · 24/02/2025 21:38

OldChairMan · 24/02/2025 21:10

It is not OP's doing. These abusive creeps tend to start slow and undermine by stealth, often escalating after children are conceived and the woman is especially vulnerable. Focused on childcare and trying to make the best of it, the drip drip of abuse wears away at the woman's self-belief and agency. These men also target women who are already vulnerable to accepting shit behaviour due to a shit childhood/previous abuse.

OP, this is worth a look: www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

But the most important thing is to get advice on how you can move forward.

Show quote history

Thank you I will start this tonight

OP posts:
Semiramide · 24/02/2025 21:44

Shady11 · 24/02/2025 20:35

We have mortgage on house together

Do you own 50:50? As joint tenants or tenants in common? How much equity - enough to start again on your own?

TheNuthatch · 24/02/2025 21:57

He's the one that isn't good enough, not you op. He's the failure. Keep reminding yourself of that. How do you feel about phoning womens aid tomorrow as a first baby step? You dont need to commit to anything yet, just ask them for some advice. They might help you feel more confident to start thinking about a better life for you and your children.

tinytemper66 · 24/02/2025 22:02

He is a twat. You can either stay with him and put up with it or make a decision and stand up to him and leave.

ThreeLocusts · 24/02/2025 22:32

OP what everyone is saying: you are not the problem here, he is.

He sounds truly nasty. I'm angry for you. He's ground you down to a point where you struggle to see the obvious: that his behaviour is not right.

It's got to be very difficult to find a way forward with kids and anxiety attacks, but you need to get this creep out of your head, your bed, your life.

There doesn't have to be physical violence for women's aid to be interested. Talk to them, please. Flowers

OldChairMan · 04/03/2025 08:51

How are you doing, @Shady11?

You might find it helpful to keep a track of how you're feeling and your progress here and get some ongoing support.

Original poster
Shady11 · 04/03/2025 11:22

Still the same tbh he has been ignoring me ever since

OP posts:
OldChairMan · 04/03/2025 11:26

Wouldn't expect much else from him, but what about you?

It's not easy by any means, but you can get advice to help you move forward.

He's not going to provide the solution, he's the problem! It's down to you to take some steps forward.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page