To ask how you split your household finances?

[FlipFlopFairy]

My husband and I have separate bank accounts but split the outgoings to allow us to have the same ‘spends’ each month. I know that sounds fair, but what I challenge is what is classed as household outgoings.

For transparency, he earns about 2.5 times my salary, and his bonuses pay for holidays.

I suppose fixed outgoings would be a better phrase than household outgoings. Included in his fixed outgoings is payments for his 2 cars. I have a company car, so my car payments are taken from my gross salary.

Because he has included both cars in his outgoings, it means less ‘spends’ for me, and it feels like I’m helping to fund his cars, when I’m funding my own already.

On top of this, my outgoings include responsibility for variables, such as food and shoes and clothes for the children, so some months I have less ‘spends’ than others. It just feels quite imbalanced.

When I’ve raised this, he just cannot seem to see my point of view. He only sees that his total outgoings from his bank account far exceed mine, and not that his cars (at the very least, the second car) are more of a personal expense, in the same way mine is.

AIBU to think that our expenses need to be reworked to be more fair?

A joint account which money goes in and out of. It's our money - we're married.

I earn more than double my husband.

We have two joint accounts.

Get paid into one, then transfer enough to cover all bills into the other where our DDs come out of.

Then the rest is ours to spend - we don't have his or my money, it's ours. Big expenses like holidays and home improvements we discuss, but for everything else we just trust each other.

We both have the banking app so can check the balance, we trust each other completely when it comes to finances.

So straightforward x

I disagree why should she help fund his 2 cars! Why does he even need 2 cars? He can only drive one at a time!

Are they his children?

Hi @FlipFlopFairy

It sounds like you’re getting to the crux of it. Your joint expenses should be anything that’s jointly agreed for the shared running/ benefit of the family, so you should start the conversation by seeing if you can agree on that concept!

For us that’s:

• normal fixed expenses like mortgage, gas, internet, etc
• holidays together
• our family entertainment, like Netflix
• kid’s clothes and toys
• family outings
• ISAs
• dental and medical costs
• date nights and babysitters
• the car - we’re a one car family but if we decided together we needed more than one our shared money would cover that. However if one of us just wanted another car for fun, that wasn’t a joint decision or needed by the family that would be a personal cost!

We each have an equal amount of personal money that covers our own social activities, hobbies, clothes and mobile phones.

Like other posters our salary goes into our individual accounts but we having a standing order which deposits most of it (minus the equal amount of personal money) into the joint account.

DH earns more than me.

yes :(

Haha! He’s taking the piss! Why does he even need to 2 cars? He can’t drive both cars, the second one she never drives! I’m guessing the second car is a sports car which he refuses to let her drive! No way should she be contributing towards a luxury item! Separate accounts all the way and then work out what should go into the joint account for bills etc! He earns far more so his contribution to household expenses should be more!

I don't think it's fair to share when someone earns more and the other less.
I pay the household bills and my own.
Husband gives me X amount to help with living costs such as food, utilities etc.
Whatever is leftover we spend from our own bank accounts. I'm a saver he is a spender, so I'm uncomfortable with a person using my money in a way I wouldn't. Also don't feel ok that my spouse should pay for extra personal treats for me - Example getting my nails done

We're married with separate accounts - i bought the family car even though he earns more than me.

He bought the previous car which i hated. If he bought a second car which i do not want or use, he would just pay for it out of his own accounts. I would grumble (because i disagree with how our assets are spent) but i couldnt stop him. We don't have debt as we both don't never have credit cards etc so if he took out debt i would blow up and we'd probably be over.

We don’t have a joint account but I do think we sort out finances quite fairly. My husband earns around 2.5 times more than me.

we have a list of outgoings, that ibcludes everything from bills to gym memberships and fuel/food. We total this and total our incomes and see what is left over and make sure we both have the same “fun money” per month. This means every month he sends me a set amount when hes paid. Sometimes he gets a bonus or overtime and we use this for holidays/getaways/dinners out.

We have a joint savings account which pays for big spends and also separate savings accounts too.

We go over the outgoings list every few months to make sure it is still accurate!

I’M taking the piss? We BOTH work hard. As I said previously, he wouldn’t be earning so much if I hadn’t supported the family to allow his career to take off in the way it has.
Whilst I’ve read many different scenarios of how couples split their finances, I think you’re in the minority of people who think he should have more because he earns more.
Would you be happy with having £850 a month less in the joint pot for your husband’s hobby?

I suspect it's the case that if he has to pay the £850(!) for the second car out of his personal spends then he couldn't really afford it because he'd have to 'give' you the same amount to spend. And if you're regularly having to spend your personal money to cover the kids stuff then there isn't enough left in the joint pot after personal spends so actually he can't really afford the extra car.

It is this.

The problem is you needed to say "fucking hell no" at whatever point in time it was he decided to spunk £10k a year on a sports car or whatever other penis extension he bought.

I wouldn't actually marry a man who thought that was a good idea.

Also it is fucking 2025. Why on earth is it socially acceptable for one man to own and run two cars? Its completely unnecessary and a total waste of resources.

That's a huge monthly outgoing on the 2nd car, and I would suggest it is a hobby.. I have had periods of working earning a comparable wage, not working and working earning a much lower wage. Regardless everything goes into the same account, then some is moved into a DD account for all fixed expenses.

Is the car being paid off or it is a lease? Just wondering how long the payments are continuing for as this affects your negotiations. He obviously felt he could afford it - but it is cutting into your monthly spending allowance and savings too presumably. I would try to move towards him paying a higher ratio than 50/50 - could he do 66/33? Or 75/25 - what can he afford from his monthly budget?

In our house we have a joint account which all direct debits & food shop goes out of. We each put the same fixed amount in each month & the rest stays in our own accounts.

DH earns more than me, so he tends to pay for holidays, i tend to pay for ad hoc/kids stuff. We both have enough money as we are high earners.

DH is left with enough to save, and he splits the savings evenly between ISAs in both our names, putting some in kids accounts. I tend to accumulate some cash savings more slowly. Every year or two we review whats in the various accounts, adjust how much we put in joint. We like to have separate accounts, it takes the fun out of gifts etc if you can see each others spending to the penny and i think its important we each have separate access to money. i know of couples where the lower earner was dependent on the joint account and the higher earner cleared it and left.

How much comes out of your salary for the company car? I would get rid of all 3. 3 cars you don't own is madness.

Start again; if you have £10k or more saved; buy a family car, DH gets a less expensive, but sporty everyday car.

We have separate current accounts and split all essential bills proportionate to what we each earn. We each take a personal allowance and the rest goes into a joint pot, for house and car maintenance, holidays, kids' clothing and school trips, family days out etc. We both have equal access to that and discuss big spends of more than £100 with each other. Yes we're married, but I like to maintain some financial independence, providing it's based on trust and transparency. This works well for us as individuals, a married couple, and a family. I think I'd have an issue picking up the costs of an additional 'nice to have' car for dh's predominant use. We're named drivers on each other's cars though.

I do not see how any of this is fair on you. Your car comes out of your salary, but both his cars are joint expenses? I would definitely be insisting both first cars are classed as joint expenses, and his second car, as it is exclusively his, is a personal expense. Alternatively all three cars can be seen as a personal expense for the person who owns each one, as you decide individually what make/model those cars are which makes a huge difference… That seems fair to me and is just common sense. If he then says he can’t afford to pay for other joint expenses such as holidays, suggest he get rid of the car…

But marriage is about being one unit, not two... Give and take... If they can afford for him to have that hobby and it doesn't impact on other spending, then why worry? If however it means they are having to go without other luxuries then a conversation needs to be had. The issue isn't so much the car, it's about the framing of the finances. If it's seen as 'yours' and 'mine' then issues will come about... But if it's just seen as a big pot of cash that funds everything, including personal hobbies and treats that only 1 person benefits from (like girlie weekends away), then how can it be unfair? In marriage you are one unit.

We have a joint current account, a joint savings account plus we both have our own personal accounts as well.

We tallied up our total joint expenditure that covers everything (mortgage, bills, food, car expenses etc) plus an amount to go to the joint savings each month (for treats and emergencies). This total is then split proportionally between us based on percentage of earnings - as DH earns more, he puts more in the middle than I do (about 20%). We both agreed this from the outset, as we thought it was a fairer approach, plus it means what's left over in our individual bank accounts is our own personal money to do what we want with.

Joint accounts all money goes into one account and comes out of one account. Shared savings etc… I earn 3x what my DH does.

Your children are shared - so payments here should be equal to start with.

This is exactly what I think! It feels like I’m ‘paying’ half of his car payment, by having £425 less in my spending pot.

But this is ridiculous in a marriage!
Your spending pot is the amount it is because he pays for the majority of the bills and all the holidays. You can’t moan about paying “paying half” of one thing and then be happy to not pay half the bills.
It’s very your money is our money and mine is mine.
Your household income can either afford for him to have his hobby or it can’t.

This is exactly what I think! It feels like I’m ‘paying’ half of his car payment, by having £425 less in my spending pot.

Have you tried feeling like you are contributing £425 each month to the holiday fund?

Joint bank account and all money is "ours".
When we first got together I earned more money.
Then I stopped working for a few years when my son was born so my partner earned more money.
Then we both worked part time and earned roughly the same.
Now my partner doesn't work and he is a full time carer to our disabled child so I am the only one earning money.
To us it doesn't matter who earns the money as long as we have enough to cover all bills.
All money is joint money and either one of us can spend what we like after bills are paid.
We used to have a rule that if we were to spend anything more than £100 in one go then we would like the other person know.
This was mainly because if towards the end of the month we both spent over £100 on the same day it may have caused us to go overdrawn.
However, that isn't so much of an issue now so we don't have that rule anymore.

Oh and my husband has a car he uses for racing.
A kit car he has built himself and uses for racing and a van for everyday driving.
So he has 3 vehicles and I don't have any.

You can only wear one pair of shoes at a time but I bet you have more than one pair.

nothing wrong with having multiple cars.

op I see you feel you’re contributing to what feels like his fun car, but I bet if you worked it out the holidays cost more than that.