To ask how you split your household finances?

[FlipFlopFairy]

My husband and I have separate bank accounts but split the outgoings to allow us to have the same ‘spends’ each month. I know that sounds fair, but what I challenge is what is classed as household outgoings.

For transparency, he earns about 2.5 times my salary, and his bonuses pay for holidays.

I suppose fixed outgoings would be a better phrase than household outgoings. Included in his fixed outgoings is payments for his 2 cars. I have a company car, so my car payments are taken from my gross salary.

Because he has included both cars in his outgoings, it means less ‘spends’ for me, and it feels like I’m helping to fund his cars, when I’m funding my own already.

On top of this, my outgoings include responsibility for variables, such as food and shoes and clothes for the children, so some months I have less ‘spends’ than others. It just feels quite imbalanced.

When I’ve raised this, he just cannot seem to see my point of view. He only sees that his total outgoings from his bank account far exceed mine, and not that his cars (at the very least, the second car) are more of a personal expense, in the same way mine is.

AIBU to think that our expenses need to be reworked to be more fair?

We have a joint bank account. All our income goes into it and all outgoings out of it. We don't have personal accounts except for ISAs. It is all "our" money, despite my husband earning twice as much as me.

Joint bank account. All finances shared. His income is 3 times mine but I spend more 😊

Children are joint expenses for a start.

We have a joint account. Our salaries are paid into our own personal accounts and then we each have a standing order which pays most of our salary into the joint account, leaving us each with the same amount of spenfing money left in our personal account.

Joint account.

Finances are such a source of conflict if you don’t agree! When I was married we had a joint account that all expenses came out of and we each paid a proportion of our salary into it. We included food and kids clothes as household expenses which seems to be where you differ.

Once the agreed amounts went out of our own personal accounts we each spent what we wanted, so no arguments about what I paid for my own clothes/hair/nails etc as he never knew. And he could buy whatever he wanted with his higher disposable income.

I think you need a discussion about what household expenses are given you’re personally paying to feed him.

I’d never let a man have access to my own personal current account which is why a joint one worked for us. But it has to be fair. We recalculated if we changed jobs etc.

Joint account and it's all our money. I wouldnt tolerate anything else.

But surely that only works if you spend a similar amount of money on personal things? Our personal expenditure is quite different - I.e he wants 2 cars so is still spending more on ‘his’ stuff than on mind

What’s covered under ‘fixed outgoings’? Mortgage? Utilities? Childcare? School fees?

And then what’s covered under ‘variables’? It reads as if you DH pays none of the incidental costs in life once you each take your ‘share’ - that seems potentially more significant than payments on a car

Ditto.

You're husband and wife... Just share everything that you have. It'll make life a lot less stressful and a lot easier (providing neither of you has a problem with impulsive spending and debt).

^ this.

We have a joint account that all money goes into and out of, we have sole accounts for everyday spending that we each get the same amount transferred into on the 1st of the month.

I understand that separate accounts work for some couples but I just don't get it - you are a partnership, with children, surely money and decisions about large purchases/ commitments should be discussed and agreed upon?
Yes, you are contributing to his two cars but surely you discussed that before he got them?

But if one of you had a second car, surely that should come out of the personal account and not the joint account?

Are you not insured to drive his cars? I drive my DH cars and he drives mine.

Joint bank account, all wages transferred on pay day, then we each take the same amount from the joint back into our own accounts for personal spends. Doesn't matter who earns the most, we're married.

Joint bank accounts, everything comes out of it including personal stuff. We are a team, there is no mine or his money, it’s our money.

We have a joint account.
Dh is a high earner, I don't work.

We do not keep tabs on who is spending what, never have. We trust each other not to be reckless and we ask each other about big spends.

My inheritance money went into the same account for us to choose how to use it (house renovation).

Been married 30 years.

Why does he need two cars?

Yes, all of this is covered, as well as an allocation for the food shop and kids clothes etc. But the allocated budget for those things isn’t always the same, whereas the outgoings from his account are actual fixed costs such a direct debits

Quite!

I assume the 2nd car is something non essential and frivolous? If so I would be insisting that’s a hobby and so should come from personal al spends.

I think considering he earns 2.5x what you do you are still far better off with the current set up than if you were to separate finances surely?

We have a joint account, married with a child, it’s all “our” money

I don’t see how this disadvantages you though. His cars don’t come from his spending money and neither does yours?

Yes, but I have no need to, because I have my own company car

Yes, this is exactly the point he doesn’t seem to get

I understand that separate accounts work for some couples but I just don't get it - you are a partnership, with children, surely money and decisions about large purchases/ commitments

Thats fine if you are married with children and the husband is the breadwinner or main earner, which is the case in the vast majority of situations where people come on and rail against separate finances. And fair enough if you don’t work or see part time. But surely you can see not everyone lives like that?

I am not married, my partner is not my DD’s biological parent and I earn three times more than he does. And I own a flat in which he does not have a share. It would be lunacy for me to pool finances. And he is fine with that.

Why do people have such a hard time grasping that not everyone is married with 2.5 children in an identical family set up?