To think life gets worse, not better, as you age?

[HangryCrab]

People say “it gets better,” but does it really? More responsibilities, declining health, fewer friends, and work until you die - what exactly is getting better?

It would be interesting to know how old the OP is & what she defines as ‘older’.

There's a poem that I think makes old age sound pretty good. It's about stopping caring so much what others think and the freedom that brings:

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, an
d start to wear purple.

It depends on lots of things. People who choose to delay having a family may find it coincides with ageing parents/caring responsibilities and/or menopause so life I imagine would feel pretty relentless.

My sis has no kids by choice and she's late 40s so it's all holidays and a quiet life with the cat. So many variations!

Sorry to hear that. Mine did too, but like many women, I recovered and thrived, and you will too.

My forties were shit. Abusive bully DH, who I finally divorced. My job was boring and my MH was in the toilet.

Now, at 59, everything has changed and I’m living my best life! 💐

I'm 66 next month. Recently retired and living my best life.

Depends on so many factors. I know younger people that seem older than they are due to health issues or other variables and I know older people that seem to have endless energy and love for life.
in my 20’s I was just starting out with buying a house, getting married

in my 30’s having children and then decided on a big career change late 30’s which was hard work and looking back I regret working so hard when my children were so young

in my 40’s I had a new career which ended up pretty much in burnout. We struggled financially due to several life events

Im now 50 and finances have stabilized a little more although still not quite where we hoped we would be at this stage of life. Still working full time but at least in a role now which is better for my physical and mental health. I have more time for myself but the added worry of ageing parents

Thing change, for better or for worse. It never stays the same.

It depends what you do with your life. Personally lines getting better as I age. A lot of that is to do with having my DC, DH and decent jobs that we’ve worked towards so we can afford a good standard of living. Anything can change though, and I didn’t have a happy childhood so I don’t take it all for granted.

Mine was shit a few years ago. Almost disabled through arthritis, and depressed because I couldn’t do the things I loved.

Double joint replacement later and I’m pretty satisfied with life. I have to work hard at keeping my joints oiled, but that makes me feel stronger, so it’s not really a hardship. I’m fitter than I’ve been in over a decade.

I agree

I am 53 this year and life has never been so good. I am happy (finally) in my own skin, my mental health is good, I have finally embraced the gym so physically I am in better shape than ever, I am about to become an empty nester but DD is literally moving to the end of our road so she stays close by, myself and DH are looking forward to it being just me and him again. We had five years of being a couple before DD came along so I am looking forward to at least a couple of decades of me and him, now that 30 years of family life has rubbed us smooth to each other. I am getting back into hobbies I loved when I was a girl but didn't have the time or energy for as a mother. We've had our ups and down, like everyone else and life has left me a bit heartbroken but if you don't get hurt, you're not living. After a very difficult childhood, I am living the life I always dreamed about for myself and I have money in my pocket. I am lucky to be so loved. Now that life is calmer, I intend to savour every moment.

It depends what age you currently are, your commitments, circumstances etc. I would day that life gets better after 50, but probably starts to decline again from 70/80, depending on health.

I feel like my life has got better and better. Earning increasingly more money, love my job, kids older and more fun, great marriage out of the thick of tiny kids. But it’s all relative, isn’t it?

I had a horrible childhood and of course when you’re a child, you have very little control over your own life. I’ve been through really difficult times as an adult but nothing has been worse than that.
I’m not taking any responsibility for my parents as they age so that’s one less thing to worry about.

I think there's a theory called the happiness bell curve which works on the statistics around how old you are when significant things happen to you. (There are of course outliers).

So imagine a U shaped curve where the y axis is happiness and x axis is age. You start off as a child, pretty carefree and progress to teenage years/early adulthood where you experience passing your driving test, first love, uni, first job, getting married, becoming a parent. Lots of "happy" milestones happen pre 40's.

However, when you move to middle age your happiness is likely to decline as statistically you are most likely to experience divorce, redundancy, loss of parents, financial worries. (On a tangent, this then leads to mid-life crisis behaviour).

But the upturn comes towards later life. Retirement, mortgage paid off, children fly the nest, grandchildren appear. So don't despair, everyone's life happiness can fluctuate and there can always be joy on the horizon.

Depends. But for me definitely it was better younger - specifically my happiest period of my life was the 4 years I spent at university. Nothing tops that.

We're women, so yeah, I see what you mean. Menopause, kids still living at home, ageing parents, a home to manage, full-time job.
Who says we can't have it all, eh?!

My happiest time has been post 50. And I am about to leave the dreariest job in the world after 38 years and hopefully have a fair few years with dh. Kids are happy and at uni/ working. We will be ok financially and in any case have learned how to live well on not a lot.
I do sometimes get a whoosh of that excited joy, or a memory of what it was, when I get a photo of my dd out on the town with her friends. But it isn’t envy or regret - I guess maybe it’s gratitude?
I was deeply, deeply unhappy at times in my childhood and late 20’s and as a result appreciate acutely feeling this level of contentment. I never thought it would happen.

It so much depends on your circumstances. I never expected to be in the situation I am now in my early 60s. Financially and relationship wise my life is shit. It is very unlikely to get better.

However I am more confident in myself as a person and have stopped worrying (quite so much) about what other people think.

Some of the things which brought me here are due to bad decisions and others are just life happening. I just have to get on with it. At least I can look back on the good times.

I see how my friends are now able to do things that I thought I would be also be doing, paying off mortgages, travelling (that is the one thing I really regret not being able to do) and looking forward to grandchildren. I do sometimes feel envious.

But one thing I have learned is that no-one is going to make things better for you so you either sink or swim. My philosophy now is that, yes, life is not at all how I imagined it would be, but I just have to get on with it.

Life definitely got better for me when I retired from teaching at 55. My life is now my own and I have incredible peace of mind. We do some casual work to pay for holidays and treats but we can pick and choose. It's unbelievably liberating.
We're lucky that we're in good health and don't have much in the way of childcare responsibilities. We're also fitter now than we were when we were working as we have time to go to the gym and go for runs/walks.

I comes down to what is going on in your life.
I think life got better for me as i got older im 38 my son as moved out and getting on with his own life.
Im happy with what i have im not rich but rich in other ways.
I love what i do i like being me im free single i have freedom no responsibility other than for myself.
I love to laugh and i always smile.
I have a few things going on at the moment but thats life and i laugh at it one being a cancer scare but im still happy to be hear no matter what the out come is.
Planning a trip to thailand when i get the all clear im sure i will.
But op look at the good things in life no matter how small they are i saw a blue tit land on my window today my first thought was spring is coming.
My washing machine broken last week all i did was laugh about it thinking how much washing im going to have.
New on coming tuesday.
Just be happy or at least try.
Being all doom and gloom will age you so turn your frown upside down🙂.

You have to look after your health. It's not a given that you're going to be overweight and unhealthy past 50.

I'm 70. I have plenty of friends in different circles. I'm very busy with activities and volunteering but not as rushed as when I was working. I have grandchildren who I love. We have paid off the mortgage and we are comfortably off but not wealthy and can help out my daughter and grandchildren. I'm lucky to be blessed with good health so far and intend to make the most of it. It's all good

I'm not sure life gets better (although it might) but people generally get happier, I think partly because they become aware that it's all downhill so make the most of it.

I'm 65, retired with absolutely no obligations, it's great!