to be concerned about my dd’s weight?

[swimmerdoggy]

hi, first time on mn so sorry if this is a rant!
I have a dd(14) who I think may be overweight. fyi, she has ADHD, does swimming, netball and taekwondo and eats rather healthy. Her and my ex husband (her dad) are both relatively slim and we are divorced so she lives mainly with me, and sees him in the summer and most weekends.

she was really slim about a month ago, however I have noticed she has gained a significant amount of weight in the past month. Shes gotten a double chin, love handles and wuite a jiggly stomach. I am not sure why this has happened as we are still eating healthy at home and she chooses a pack lunch for school which is also quite Healthy.

in the summer when she was 10, she gained a lot of weight snd got almost obese thanks ro her dad feeding her McDonald’s almost every day :( but she is healthy now and me and her dad have had conversations about her healthy eating and he feeds her really healthily now when she is at his.

she is 161 cm and 62 kg

i am just looking for advice on weather she is overweight or not? And any tips would be appreciated if she can lose a little weight. I am not being judgmental and I’d just like to say this is all from me caring for her and not being pushy.

I had no idea what my DD weighed when she was 14. If your DD uses Instagram she will already be bombarded by underweight celebs and diet influencers. I wouldn’t have a chat with her about good and bad foods - people with ADHD are at heightened risk of developing an eating disorder when compared to their peers.

It’s February and we are genetically wired to eat more in winter. The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf is a good read, as is The F*ck It Diet by Caroline Dooner. Your DD is not at an unhealthy weight and she is laying down bone density at this age.

I am over 50 and remember my teenage years of Slimming Magazine, Slim-a-Soup and Ryvita in the 80s, all bought by my Mum. It made my thinking about food very disordered. I was finally hospitalised with anorexia at 22 and I can trace it all back by well-meaning chats from my Mum. In my 30s I had a DEXA scan and was told I had the bone density of a 70 year old due to my earlier years of dieting. I was told to eat more to protect myself from hip and spinal fractures.

If your DD is hiding food wrappers in bins, she must be worried about your reaction if she isn’t seen to be eating ‘good’ foods. I can see you mean well as a Mum, but in a few years your DD will be away from home and eating outside your scrutiny. Unless your DD is pregnant there is nothing to worry about here.

Hi OP,
I weighed my 11 year old DD and did the BMI calculator.
Your daughter is just within the healthy range weight for her age and height.
When I forgot to change the birth year, it put her as high in the overweight range. So age factors massively in children.

Check out the physique of young female rugby players.
If your daughter is active and eating well then that's the most important thing. But good to keep an eye.

I feel the same with my daughter. She is 45kg and 150cm (the height is an estimate) but she's very active and has a great appetite.

Ps weight is SO subjective. And people are shocked to hear my weight. I have a friend who is 61kg and 5ft4. She is TINY.

Just keep an eye on her dietary habits and I'm sure she's maintaining and healthy.

And I hate the flack mums get on here with weight. But I think it is important. Just has to be done carefully

Isn't it known thing that kids go outwards just before a growth spurt, just like babies.

Both my DS did this around puberty, it's called puppy fat, and is no doubt linked to her hormones.

Also around that age her pelvic bones will be changing shape and shifting her to be more quad dominant which causes younger girls to struggle a bit more with sports so they tend to move a bit less than their male counterparts.

Please tell me you just causally got a bigger netball outfit with zero comment and don't mention this to her?

@rivalsbinge yes I know it is a known thing. I am just saying because I feel like it was a bit out of the blue, especially since I though nothing had really changed in her diet. of course I bought a size larger netball dress and gave it ro her without comment on her weight. I am not trying to hurt my dd.

@strawberryandtomato thank you for your response.

You sound like a lovely mum. We noticed similar with one of our dc at same age. Myself and dh discussed it but of course didn't say anything to dc.

We did stop buying junk food so it wasn't in the house which helped massively. I am overweight so used that as an excuse as said I didn't want to be snacking.

I cut up loads vegetables and have them in the fridge so easy to grab and snack. Same with fruit. Brought pots greek yogurt.

I would be aware she may be comfort eating. I started to around that age as was being bullied at school and found being a teen girl hard.

Ive had a casual chat with dd about the sweets she is buying and she told me she wants to gain some weight. Dd told me she feels really skinny and in her class she feels small and underweight. I was a little bit shocked on rhe inside but I told her we can do this in a healthy way. Obviously I do not want her to be overweight but I feel terrible that she feels so small in her class. Her group of friends is a large group and last summer some of them went on a ‘weight gain diet’. I am scared that dd is being pressured into this but she seemed so happy when I brought this up… I am really confused and not sure how to act especially as she is verging into being ow.

Hi Op
63.5kg puts her on the 93rd centile which is overweight. I don’t think your wrong to be concerned; but as she’s growing etc it’s best to keep an eye on trends over time and try to incorporate subtle changes to diet and exercise levels without directly saying anything to make her feel self conscious etc.

This is really alarming. What is motivating this? What celebrity ideal are they aiming for?

I'm surprised by this. I didn't know girls who were a healthy weight were trying to gain weight.

@TagSplashMaverick that is what I am thinking. Obviously don’t want to give dd an eating disorder but I am scared she will become overweight if she is eating excessively! I am not sure what to say to dd. Any help appreciated!

dd just talked to me also, she says she has noticed a slight weight gain in her body but is happy with it… I applaud her self confidence. Wish I was like that at her age.

@SallyWD same, I am quite shocked.

I know there's a trend for thick thighs and big bottoms. I wonder if it's related to that. Unless your daughter really was skinny before and is reacting to that.

She was quite skinny but i guess I wasn’t expecting this. I have used the BMI calculator and with her birthdate she is overweight. Im a bit shocked snd now scared she may become more overweight.

I gained weight at the age, probably from becoming naturally more sedentary and eating lots of junk. No one noticed or said anything and i became a chubby teenager. Everyone probably thought it was puppy fat. I went on to be a chubby 20 something and am now an overweight 40 something. I know I'm far too old to blame anyone else but I really wish it had been addressed at the time, I knew nothing about healthy eating and by the time I did, I had a major uphill battle and established tastes and habits. My mother was terrified of teenagers developing anorexia but was obviously cool with obesity.

You are right to be concerned now OP. Don't let her be a fat adult, just make sure you are very positive and careful with how you broach this.

14 was when my eldest went from 5 foot 3 to 5 foot 9 over 2 months. I’d assume hormones and growth spurt but keep a close eye.

Where does she get her money?

I just inputted her height and weight into the NHS BMI calculator and she's a healthy weight for her height.

14 is a really tough age for girls, they start changing in their body composition and getting fat laid down in places that their pre-pubescent body never saw fat.

It's also v v hard for a teenage girl with a v slim mum to make sense of getting 'bigger' than their mum, especially if mum has hang ups about weight.

Please b very careful. The NHS says she's fine and a healthy weight. Leave her be.

You have used the adult bmi calculator which is not appropriate for her dd. Please don’t confuse the OP.

@swimmerdoggy I can see by your replies how lovely and caring you are for your DD so apologies if my reply was a bit off.

Totally projected my own experience as my father used to tell me I had a fat arse and fat thighs and I'm sure I was about 12-14 and a skinny little thing.. so it wasn't even the case.

Oh sorry for the confusion.

I agree, I have the same feeling.

thank you for all the responses, everyone. in general i have found (using different BMI calculator) she is at a high healthy weight so I am not very concerned. ive been making sure to keep on adding some vegetables in our dinners and that she continues going to her sports. she just got moved down to the c team (trains once a week) at her school netball from the A team (trains 3 times per week) and this has discouraged her a bit. I am going to keep on telling her that she is valued and worthy on the netball team though as she had a bit of doubt about that. after school today I saw she came home with lots of sweets bought from Tesco’s and began to eat all those.

@Ritzybitzy her dad gives her money

Since someone reported my comment 🙄

@swimmerdoggy What does your daughter think she was at the GP having tests done last week for?

she was at the GP for a large rash on her body. She was tested for thyroid years ago. Since our chat yesterday DD has been really heavily eating sweets and chocolate at mealtimes, ate almost none of her vegetables and lots of extra condiments on top of her food. My sister came to visit for the week and told me my dd is getting a bit chubby when dd went to swimming. For reference, my sister has autism, adhd and can sometimes speak without thinking but I am a bit discouraged.