to be concerned about my dd’s weight?

[swimmerdoggy]

hi, first time on mn so sorry if this is a rant!
I have a dd(14) who I think may be overweight. fyi, she has ADHD, does swimming, netball and taekwondo and eats rather healthy. Her and my ex husband (her dad) are both relatively slim and we are divorced so she lives mainly with me, and sees him in the summer and most weekends.

she was really slim about a month ago, however I have noticed she has gained a significant amount of weight in the past month. Shes gotten a double chin, love handles and wuite a jiggly stomach. I am not sure why this has happened as we are still eating healthy at home and she chooses a pack lunch for school which is also quite Healthy.

in the summer when she was 10, she gained a lot of weight snd got almost obese thanks ro her dad feeding her McDonald’s almost every day :( but she is healthy now and me and her dad have had conversations about her healthy eating and he feeds her really healthily now when she is at his.

she is 161 cm and 62 kg

i am just looking for advice on weather she is overweight or not? And any tips would be appreciated if she can lose a little weight. I am not being judgmental and I’d just like to say this is all from me caring for her and not being pushy.

@Topjoe19 yes I will. Honestly I am not planning to bring it up her weight unless she keeps on gaining a significant amount of weight. I do not want to leave it until it is too late but for now it seems she is a higher/healthy weight or just slightly overweight. As IVE already mentioned, I just do not want her to become obese, like I did. I will have a quick chat about the sweets but nothing major unless it becomes a serious issue

the weight measurement is a bit old - 2 months - but I suppose it can’t make that much of a difference

This is very normal. Every teenager I know eats insane amounts of sugar. My daughter's bin is full of sweet wrappers - as are all her pockets! I was the same at 14 but now I actually dislike sugar. I'm sure it's a phase most teenagers go through.

I think most teenagers go through periods of eating junk. If you make a big deal out of it it might backfire and she'll be obsessed by eating it. Just make sure her meals are healthy and that they fill her up so she won't be so hungry btw meals.

yes, I intend to be calm about it and I’m not going to make a big deal out of it. I just want to make sure she is healthy

You're putting your own fears about being overweight onto your daughter. My mother did this to me, it resulted in a lifetime of disordered eating. Just a thought.

Last measurement on the bathroom scale was 63.5 kg - I guess that’s dd’s weight (im above that and it’s just us in the house)
im not concerned as she is not overweight right?
@TimeWarSoldier thank you for this. I have not talked to her about her weight at all.

You realise 14 year old are supposed to grow- right? Growing out of clothes is normal......

@Onlyvisiting im just saying because they were a little large fit at Christmas and i didn’t expect for them to get small that quickly. Yes I do know children grow 😂 but thank you!

Can you just get rid of the scales? It's not ideal to be over focusing on height/weight. Especially if she is weighing herself (as you said the last measurement was hers). My mother didn't have a clue what I weighed when I was 14 and its a bit weird how you're going through bins & talking about her being overweight. Just because that happened to you doesn't mean it will happen to her.

Seriously, keep meals healthy, make sure you have plenty of fresh veg/fruit available for her to eat/snack on & try to chill a bit.

Some girls put on weight around this time and then they get their growth spurt and go from chubby to willowy. ie Glow Up.

Maybe she’s due a growth spurt. My dd has anorexia I would love for her to weigh this much again. Please be careful about how you approach this. Talk about healthy foods, the importance of protein and vegetables as well as carbs. Don’t make it an obsession either.

Do you think she's healthy because she goes along with what you have said about healthy food for many years but really she's eating these snacks in secret as she knows what you'd say about them? Eg Did she overhear your discussions with her father about the McDonalds?

OP, I'll never forget being called greedy by my parent at a similar age. It's been a lifetime of Yoyo dieting and disordered eating for me. So tread very carefully with her.

This. You seem hyper focused on it, quickest way to give her a complex.

Puppy fat belongs on a puppy. OP is right to be concerned but it needs handling sensitively.

OP I am no expert on child's bodies and weights. Only you can really know what is the norm for your daughter.
I am 160cm and weight 62kg also. But I don't have a jiggly belly. I appreciate that as a 34 year old woman, it's very different,
But I am saying this because the no one can really say based on height and weight alone. Especially as your DD does so much sport.

I weight train 3 times a week and I run 2. I am definitely NOT overweight.
Just keep an eye on what she's eating, don't make it a big deal and I also encourage lots of water in between big meals and just after and getting my DD to listen to her body and not just eat when she's bored.
My DD has ADHD and battles food noise constantly

I suddenly gained weight on my hips and boobs almost overnight at that age, I thought i was a huge fat blob. It's probably just puberty

I was never super slim as a child (mixture of parents who worked all hours so not a lot of activity and a mum that struggled with her weight) but pre-teen was about normal after I took a bit of control and understood healthy eating/exercise, at around the same age I put on a significant amount of weight and developed stretch marks. I went to the doctors about it and they checked my thyroid and did a few other tests to be told to cut out all crisps and chocolate? I didn’t eat a huge amount of bad stuff anyway so was a bit confused and disappointed by the results. Fast forward a couple of years and I was diagnosed with PCOS.. looking back it was totally hormonal and definitely related. Only in my late 20’s did I get a hold of how to control the associated issues that come with PCOS - one of the main ones being my weight. Would it be worth checking?

@GoldieLocks09 thank you for this suggestion, I will consider checking
@strawberryandtomato i have noticed she eats when she’s bored and after some fruit she will go ro crisps. Thank you for your suggestions
@Mummyoflittledragon thank you, I am not trying to give my dd an eating disorder. I am just trying to be a mum of a healthy girl.

I would guess that she’s getting pretty close to being overweight. Please don’t apologise for being concerned - you’re her mum and want her to be healthy.

Is she medicated for the adhd? Impulsive eating is a known thing so that’s possibly something to consider.

Exercise is great but it is not the determining factor with weight - food is. You need to look at what she’s eating.

She is overweight.

Am I confused? 63.5kg is really heavy for a child?!

She’s approaching if not already overweight. That’s already indicative of disordered eating. Now is the time to sort.

If the same thing happened to you, then maybe she’s just following your pattern genetically? Her weight just puts her into the overweight category.

I’d have a chat (don’t mention weight at all) and make sure she’s happy and not comfort eating. It seems strange to put on that weight in a month, but maybe her body is preparing for a growth spurt?

According to the NHS BMI calculator (for whatever it is worth) she’s still within a healthy range so I wouldn’t bother her about it.

@BreatheAndFocus this makes sense - I hadn’t though about that genetic factor.
@Ritzybitzy yes, she is on medication for the ADHD as it is quite severe. We eat quite healthily at home (lots of veggies, lean meats, and other healthy food options) but I can’t control what food she buys.