Is this an act of kindness?

[Merrygoround8]

Background.

We have a 6 month baby, but she is sleeping pretty well. She is exclusively breastfed overnight (but does take a bottle) and wakes 1-2 times. I say this because it is relevant but I am not particularly exhausted beyond the normal realms of parenting etc (nor have I said I am exhausted). She is in a cot next to our bed and I have occasionally remarked that “I don’t want to be away from her” - again relevant in that I have never expressed desire for a night off or help with night feeds. We could make her night feed a bottle if we wished, and I haven’t ever suggested this is what I want yet.

I accidentally fell asleep on spare bed earlier where I had a quick lie down following a hot bath. Husband aware of this and was in room at the time working.

I was not “ready” for bed in my usual sense which is very distinctly some skincare, contact lenses out, pyjamas etc, and usually flogging some water / having it laid out next to me.

At midnight I wake and find myself in exact same situation, except now in the dark, naked and under the now damp and cold towel (not blanket), bewildered, eyes glued together from lenses.

I am really pissed off!!! Presumably husband thinks this is doing me a favour/giving me an uninterrupted stretch of sleep, but am I wrong to find this totally unhelpful and actually feel that it’s thoughtless at best and quite cruel at worst!?

He has gone to sleep in our bed. He doesn’t seem to have made provision for a night feed so I guess the plan would have been to come and get me at some point. How was that going to go 😂🫠 cold, eyes glued, dehydrated, naked, and staggering back to immediately feed a crying baby.

He literally didn’t chuck a blanket over me. That’s what’s stunned me, I think, but am I being sensitive?

But fine. There are a large cohort of people that think that leaving someone to sleep in their (known) unpreferred state, and not so much as putting a blanket over them, and having an unclear plan as to how this affects the 6mo still counts as a nice thing to do so there we have it. I’m dramatic and over precious!

You are incredibly condescending and patronising too. I feel sorry for your partner.

This is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever read!

You say you’re not tired but yet you fell asleep in just a towel and you’re annoyed because you didn’t get to do your skincare or have a drink of water.
Honestly, it’s pathetic.

You’re a grown adult and a mother now and this sort of nit picking is not ok.

It is very rare that I feel sorry for the men on MN but this poor guy deserves a medal.
In fact, if he was posting we would all tell him that your behaviour is completely unacceptable and that he should be making plans to leave.

If you want your relationship to last then you need to grow up.

Drama llama, grow up

Exactly!!

She is blaming him for her own actions.

It’s absolute madness!!

It sounds like she can’t do anything wrong and he can never do anything right.

Anytime she does do something ‘wrong’ it’s somehow turned around to be his fault.

That changes context a lot. If you communicated clearly before and he knew you wanted him to wake you and didn't, that's not kind, it's at best careless.

OH knows NOT to wake me. So yeah, leaving me there would've been the right thing to do, even if it goes against his every instinct.

This.

It’s pretty obvious that you have made up your mind that DH is spiteful, uncaring, inconsiderate and generally an all round 🧌. So I don’t know why you are asking if people think you might be just a tiny bit over reacting.

I expect someone will tell you LTB , and then you will be 🧚🏼‍♀️

IMO if you feel the need to lay down after a hot bath you either want a nap , which you got or you are ill , which you were not so no harm done .

You're an adult, your routine before you sleep is down to you! If you were asleep and not stirring I'd have thought you were happy enough, I wouldn't do a blanket etc as I would assume you were okay!

Have you asked him what happened? Maybe he tried to wake you and you were spark out, or you half woke and muttered back, 'leave me alone' or something such. Or he intended to wake you later and just fell asleep himself.

Wow, you sound like very hard work.

I might wake them up, if I somehow knew that they had lenses on behind their closed eyes. However, that still doesn't make the care of their eyes my responsibility.

you clearly have a lot of time on your hands to make a thread about such a non event.
Maybe take that break you claim you don’t need’ and get out a bit!

I would assume that someone who has had a bath would have taken their contact lenses out before their bath, so that wouldn’t have crossed my mind.

Do towels get that soaking wet after a bath? Mine don’t, so I can see how he might have thought the towel was adequate. And he’s also going to have seen that you have lay down and chosen to go to sleep so he is going to have thought you were fine with just a towel. Also if it was that wet I can’t understand why you would have wanted to soak the bed by lying down in the first place.

As for drinking water and skincare, your DH was probably just allowing you to prioritise sleep.

I can understand that you feel he was being inconsiderate, but I can also see from your DHs point of view how he thought he was doing the right thing/what you wanted.

If my partner fell asleep in their contacts, then I would of course wake him up. If a friend or a sibling or a parent had fallen asleep in their contacts, I'd wake them up! Because I know that's what they would want me to do.
If they didn't wear contacts, I'd put a blanket over them and leave them to it.

I'm sorry...you are being completely unreasonable

Your husband probably just mistook you for a grown-up. An easy mistake, what with you being married and having a baby and all.

I don't think it was massively either right or wrong this time, since he didn't know what to do for the best, but if you tell him (nicely) what you would prefer him to do if it happens again, and he doesn't go with your suggestions, then that would be something to moan about.