To have made DH change the nappy?

[NappyArgument]

I need your opinion on if IABU or not.

DD is 8 months old and needed her nappy changing earlier. I made DH do it. He wasn’t happy about it, as he was carrying her off to do it he muttered something like “I can’t believe you’re making me do this” and then I started tidying her toys up while they were gone and he said “you’d best not be coming in here”. Then he shouted DDs name really harshly at her, I said what’s wrong and started heading in and he said “she’s moving around!”. I said I was coming and don’t shout at her like that, it’s not her fault. Then he shouted “she’s got shit all up her arse!” and I said I’m coming and he stormed off and I changed the nappy. When I got back into the room he was pretending to be asleep so I brought DD up for a bath and I’m now feeding her to sleep.

In my defence, this was the only nappy he would have changed today. He hasn’t been pulling his weight at home at all. Baths are supposed to be “his” job with DD but I’ve done the past 4 out of 5. He’s also supposed to do the bins/recycling but I’ve been having to pick that up a lot too.

In his defence, he has a manual job and he’s struggling at work at the minute and not been sleeping well so was tired and just wanted to stay sat on the sofa.

He gave me an hour off this morning to shower and do my hair and he made us all breakfast. We had a nice day out and when we got home, he went upstairs for an hour on his own while I fed DD and the dogs and tidied the kitchen. I don’t know if this bit is relevant but felt like I should add it.

So what do you think - AIBU to have made him do the nappy?

He shouted at her because he knew it would get him out of it and it worked.

No defence. Nappy’s need changing, no parent should need to be asked. He needs to grow up. No excuse and cant understand the drama. Surely by 8 months most parents can’t change a nappy with eyes closed

“He gave me an hour off this morning to shower and do my hair”

Oh how fucking nice of him.

You need to nip this shit in the bud and fast. He had to change his OWN child’s nappy? Heaven forbid.

Crap father. Nasty man.

Does he feel all big and clever shouting at a toddler?

He's shouting at his baby daughter because she has got poo on her bum that he was expected to clean? He is a horrible person and a terrible father. There is no excuse at all for this behaviour.

She's a baby.

I wouldn't want this to be my life for the next eighteen years until your dd is an adult. It's untenable.

I never once asked my husband to change a nappy.

Because he did it automatically whenever they needed to be changed.

Your husband sounds awful, OP. Shouting at the baby too? I’m always shocked at the low bar some people on here accept.

If he's that depressed he needs to get it sorted out with medication, stop being a useless prick and get on with being a proper parent.
You will probably be on here in a year or two looking for a divorce, or in 20 complaining how your life has been wasted and he's gone off with someone else.

I think the comment "she's got shit all up her arse" is a disgusting thing to say concerning a baby, my dh or I have never made such comments regarding our children's nappy changes.
They are babies and can't control if the poop is messy, as a parent you clean it bc it's ur child, not make disgusting remarks.

Your dh is being incredibly horrible, just bc he didn't want to clean the baby, he huffed and puffed so you end up doing it.

Is he the only one bringing income into the household?

He sounds awful. It's a basic need of a baby. His comment about it too is awful. I am sure myself and my DH would have made a comment, like oh it's a bad one, but never said rudely or aggressively.

Was he onboard with having a child? Was he expecting and still expecting it to be your baby to deal with and he is just there for the fun stuff?

This ^

and please don’t have him to make sex anymore to avoid having another child.

Nip the aggressive behaviour in the bud straight away.
It is not acceptable to shout at a baby.
Insist that your husband sees his GP and is assessed for hypertension and depression and that it is treated.
Also ask for referral to an anger management course so that he learns to read and regulate his emotions.

If I were playing with my baby and found the pooey nappy, I would have changed it.
If my husband discovered the dirty nappy he would have changed it. So, your husband is okay to not like your game but very out of line to not behave like a calm, caring adult near his child.

This would change absolutely nothing. Many women make less money or nothing while on maternity leave/ as a SAHP in the first year or 2. Their husbands still have to parent outside of work hours.

OMG what is wrong with him. Your poor baby.

Am I reading this right, man was stressed because baby had shit in nappy. What did he think nappies are for??

You need to have a serious sit down with him OP. He doesn't seem to understand what being a parent involves at all. Shouting at DD is unacceptable but if he thinks this gets him off the hook don't fall for it. If he is being aggressive towards her and you need to take over for her sake, make sure all the other things fall to him for balance.

He's an arse and possibly abusive. Sounds like coercive control to me, shouting at a baby because he knew it would upset you and he is hoping it will stop you asking him to help with DD again. Coercive control in any form is awful, shouting at a baby to control you takes it to a very sinister level.

What on earth would that have to do with anything?

He sounds like a complete twat, and maybe one who isn't safe to be around a baby at all. This was a baby just being a baby.

Babies that age are wrigglers. Shit is messy and smelly and yes, it will be all up their arses. Where the fuck was he expecting it to be? Why is that a surprise to him?

There is surely not a parent around who hasn't had to master the art of stopping their baby from wriggling off to spread shit everywhere or from bringing their legs down in a nappy full of it. Your partner is pathetic.

Have you asked him why he does not want the family he has got?

You will have an easier time of it on your own OP.

He is a classic example of a male that doesn't see parenting as something he should have to do - you're the mother, therefore it's all your responsibility and I bet in his mind, he thinks he's doing you a favour when he does do something - such as change a nappy.

He's a dad, but not a parent. A pervasive issue amongst males I'm afraid.

If he was and she was a SAHM, then she would have jumped and changed the nappy without talking too much or all this drama.
Yes, I'm a woman and yes, it does work like that for some!

He gave you "an hour off" to taje a shower and do your hair.

You are being absolutely ridiculous. How much "time off" did you give him then?

He is a parent and needs more practice at being one, without shouting!

Red bunting

What’s the relevance?