WIBU to Facebook message this woman? House sale drama...

[AveAtqueVale]

Will try to keep this as brief as possible:

We're due to move house on Monday. We were supposed to exchange on Thursday, but our buyer never transferred her money. She is on holiday abroad and when the estate agent chased her up, she was drunk. Money was never transferred, exchange never happened. On Friday morning EA/ solicitors started chasing her again, and there was radio silence until early afternoon her solicitor emailed ours to say she's unwell and won't be completing on Monday. No further info as to whether this means 'but she can probably manage on Tuesday' or 'is pulling out entirely'. She's refusing to speak to EAs, and has only spoken to her solicitor, who told ours that she was in hospital (!) and not making much sense.
Meanwhile, almost all of our stuff has been packed up and taken off in two moving vans, and we're camping in our empty house for the weekend.

Obviously EAs/ solicitors not working today and tomorrow, so we are stuck waiting for Monday morning to see if we have any more idea what's going on. I'm mostly hoping she was just horrendously hungover yesterday and couldn't face/ manage the money side of things, and all will actually be fine. But no idea.

We've spent a significant amount of money on the removers as they packed too, and they need their vans back by Tuesday evening at the latest. So if we haven't completed by then we will have to have it all brought back, but obviously will still owe them their full fee. Not to mention the absolute hassle of having to unpack everything here and remarket the house etc if she is pulling out entirely 😫. There's a whole chain above us too in the same position - she's the bottom/ cash buyer so we're all kind of at her mercy.

Anyway - I've found her on Facebook and am contemplating messaging her directly to ask her (nicely!) what is actually going on. She might not even see it of course as we're not friends, so it might go into message requests. But I'm also worried that doing it at all is a bit stalkerish/ bordering on harassment! But at this stage would just welcome any kind of info even if it's bad news!

YANBU: Message her - you might get some info and it's perfectly ok in the circumstances!

YABU: Leave the poor woman alone - she's obviously got a lot going on and doesn't need you hounding her as well!

Also if anyone has any other words of wisdom/ ideas, I'd love to hear them 🤦🏻‍♀️.

We did this year's ago as first time buyers. We were buying a cottage on a 100% mortgage and there were various issues that needed sorting. There was no firewall in the loft, the sellers were supposed to provide receipts for damp proofing but couldn't find them, there was confusion over who had right of access at the rear of the property. We were supposed to exchange and move on the same day, but on the morning of this happening we found out none of the issues had been resolved so we pulled out.

I did feel sorry for the sellers as they had packed and were ready to move whereas we were in rented furnished accommodation so didn't affect us.

This was over 30 years ago and although we felt guilty, looking back I'm so glad we made that decision.

Really the EA and your/her solicitor should be chasing her, weekend or no weekend. EA are open on the weekends and solicitors routinely work outside 9-5 hours.

Reminds me a bit of trying to exchange on our house. We had an exchange date set by vendors (they needed to exchange to keep the new build they were buying so they set the date!). And then when it came around, our money was in the right place, our solicitor all ready to go, but both the EA and their solicitor went away on holiday for the week. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It took 4 days of me chasing them to finally exchange. It was like everyone flapped around because of this very tight deadline for the vendors and then they all just buggered off and were unreachable when the date actually came.

I would just wait it out. Could be that something has happened to tip her off the rails, she might be unstable, an arsehole, just drunk who knows. I don't think messaging her willhelp. Maybe the house sale itself is the reason she has gone awol, could be a family home, a divorce etc... none of that is your concern but messaging her probably wont help your situation if it is.

I definitely think you should message her. This is a real emergency for you and you are being badly let down.. Solicitors usually ( at least last time we sold a property 8years ago) would hold the funds a day before exchange to ensure smooth transaction. If she is seriously ill she won’t respond. I would say I am so sorry you are ill apologies for contacting you directly but we are in a very difficult situation.come back and let us know how things resolved.

You did the right thing. The sellers are responsible for providing all the necessary paperwork, or insurances before they sell. They were totally delusional if they thought you’d carry on without that.
Shame your solicitor didn’t flag it earlier I guess.

It's absolutely horrendous and I can't imagine how I'd feel.

But I wouldn't message. I would tell myself that the sale has fallen through and be preparing for that.

If it all works out, brilliant. But probably best to assume it won't at this stage, awful though it is. I would need the mental clarity to get me through the weekend.

Also re the illness, unless her thumbs have broken off or she’s in a coma, she can still transfer the funds online. Highly irresponsible of her to exchange whilst abroad. And the solicitor does normally request funds in advance (as others have said) because it removes a layer of risk for all.

I must admit, I’d be speaking to the solicitor and EA about relisting it. Depending on funds you could speak to an IFA about a bridge for your property so you can still complete with your purchase but it won’t be for another 4-6 weeks, and they aren’t cheap.
Depends how badly you want the new house.

We were away when we exchanged and completed. We'd put the money in the solicitor's client a count before leaving.

She's going to have a job transferring even a couple of hundred thousand whilst out of the country in one lot.
I wouldn't message her.

Don't message her. Keep all communication official via the professionals involved.

Never agree to such a short turnaround between exchange and completion. The whole point is so that you have a contract in place before you uproot yourself and pay removers etc. When she didn't exchange on Thursday you should have cancelled the removers then. When she is ready to sign a new completion date can be set as part of that.

Yikes! She sounds like a buyer who has no experience of house purchases. Very wierd behaviour otherwise.
I would only communicate via the solicitors

Her solicitors have made it clear that currently they are unable to get proper instructions from her.
The fact that she has gone on holiday and not sent the deposit to her solicitors in readiness for an exchange tells me that she was never intending to exchange on Thursday. I wonder if her solicitors are actually holding a signed contract and other documents ( mortgage deed, SDLT form etc) from her? Your solicitor could ask her that question specifically of her solicitors.
If they are not holding those, that is further evidence that she is not in a position to exchange or complete - if she was really intending to go ahead but was on a pre-booked holiday, surely she would have flagged that up and made sure the exchange could happen in her absence.
I don't think she is planning to go ahead anytime soon, if at all.
OP in your position I would be instructing the estate agents to remarket.
And I agree with other posters that this is exactly why a 2 week gap between exchange and completion is desirable. If your solicitor actually advised you to have only 2 working days between exchange and completion, that is something I would take up with the senior partner - it is terrible advice and the possibilities of things going wrong ( as indeed they have) should have been flagged up. Your solicitors have a duty to advise you, their paying client.

She has already made her decision. Sending a message won't change that.

OP your estate agents need to message her and tell her to exchange by x date otherwise house back on market. Sounds like a total time waster to me. Don’t message her even though she deserves it. I think sometimes people don’t realise the aggravation this sort of thing can cause to others.

Are you sure your EA isn't working today? They might be able to text solicitor something that sounds urgent enough for solicitor to contact her and try and get some clarity today.

To everyone telling op she shouldn't have set a completion date before exchange I don't think it's that uncommon.
Our chain of six was in the same position last summer with at least half having a three-day move booked in with their removal companies. You can't always book removals with just a couple of weeks' notice! The day of exchange was supposed to be 10 days before completion but due to incompetence of first time buyers' solicitor and EA (that I won't bore you with) it went to the wire. We were sitting in an empty house waiting to move out at midday when eventually the money went in at the bottom of the chain and exchange and completion happened.
I hope that's what will happen with you op. Meanwhile have an alternative in your head. Can your furniture on the vans be transferred to storage by the removal company? Do you live in an area where you could rent a furnished home for a few months and re market your empty home? Yes, quite a bit of an unexpected cost but maybe preferable to unpacking etc? Feel bad for everyone in the chain, horrendous to have to sit there over the weekend knowing nothing can be done until Monday.

Contact through solicitors only, but try to find out if this completion on Monday was arranged by the estate agents and solicitors without her consent. Solicitors and estate agents work hard to move property exchanges along at a pace to suit clients (like yours have), but this sometimes puts too much pressure on the other party and they go quiet. Who agrees to a completion date when they are on holiday? Let the agent and solicitor know how pissed off you are and work towards a new date in the near future.

Sorry, haven’t read the full thread, so someone may have suggested this. If it emerges on Monday that there is going to be a delay of, say, no more than 2 or 3 days, which takes you beyond the time when you have to get your things out of the removal vans, would you be able to rent a storage unit to put it all in, and stay in a Premier Inn or similar for a couple of nights?

edit to say I see others have already suggested this!

Op, my mother is an alcoholic and I’m afraid she is often transferred to hospital because of drunken dangerous activity. The things you have written resonate, and I think you’re dealing with a serious alcoholic too. It’s shocking to people who don’t know what serious hideous alcoholism is like, it’s not just a hangover. To generalise : They can’t cope, which is why they drink, and moving house is stressful so they drink. I’m sorry you’ve been caught up in this woman’s shit storm. As others have said, let your solicitors deal. Don’t even bother to message her. I hope it works out for you.

And look after yourself as best you can. Almost detach now. you need to let others sort it out, and you can’t change her or influence her, and even worrying won’t help! (I am a chronic worrier because of a childhood spent second guessing the mad behaviour of an alcoholic, but there’s no controlling their behaviour.) Anyway, a serious alcoholic is what I think you’re dealing with based on your messages. Courage!

good call!

Hope it finally goes well.

It's such a horrible system that anything can happen until exchange, I don't understand why we still allow that, but good luck nevertheless.

The deposit does, usually 10%.

If she was going to be on holiday her solicitor should already have funds up front. Don't chase her, it won't make any difference now.

Normally I’d say not to bother but having read your full post I don’t think you have anything to lose.

She sounds unreliable and I think she’s spent enough of her money to not be able to proceed with the sale.

I've heard of so many people whose buyers have pulled out immediately before exchange, even on the day of exchange, and nearly always they've gone quiet in the days beforehand.
That's why, apart from when I was a FTB, I've had a month between exchange and completion so that you don't book movers, pack etc before exchange and have got plenty of time to do so. I advised my son to do the same with the 2 properties he's bought, it's less stressful.

I would be very surprised if OP's sale actually goes ahead.

Don’t message (sorry haven’t RTFT yet). Simultaneous exchange and completion always carries the risk of something going wrong and it leads to a very stressful day (speaking as a property lawyer and I foolishly did this for my own house purchase which ended up taking place a week after the original intended date and was living with a v small child out of boxes for that week).

Hopeful for you that it will happen on Monday - maybe spend this weekend out and about and take your mind off things. When you’re in your new home it will be worthwhile.