To think the Gabby Petito bodycam footage is beyond distressing

[Tricho]

Just watching this on netflix

The bodycam footage of her is one of the hardest things I've watched, an utterly terrified and distraught sweet, sweet girl

How her mother watched it I'll never know, I was sobbing.

I just watched it and the footage wasn't particularly upsetting imo, but then I do watch a lot of difficult things.

I think it's really hard to say if it was a he said/she said thing or whether he was fully to blame, but he definitely gave off creepy vibes.

The police in general did a terrible job in every respect really, at every opportunity. "Oh he doesn't want to speak to me? Okay cool bye" was especially ridiculous, they should have arrested him.

I watched the other one in the series with Shannan and the two little girls, that was a lot more shocking imo.

How was it he said she said when she ended up dead from a massive head injury and strangulation?

There were red flags for me right from the off.

The weird message he sent to the friend (the girl with black hair) where he talked about her being the love of his life. This is classic love bombing. That girl had a lucky escape. It didn't work on her.

But it obviously did work on Gabby. They then kept the relationship a secret (why???) before he very swiftly isolated her from her family by moving her to Florida, where he then isolated her further by sulking about her job and friends. Stealing her driving licence and hiding it so she couldn't go out. Big Red Flag.

It was happening long before they went on the trip. In fact, it's probably partly why they went.

@CheekySnake @Redpeach @Kbroughton some really eye opening comments. Appreciate the information. The lack of DV process followed by the police (chilling). So many red flags and inability to spot coercive control (I’ve only just learnt this myself) and huge number of similar crimes per year.

Yeah the bit where she was working at Taco Bell made me sad. Just being young, having a laugh, earning her own money, having a life away from the house and him. He obviously couldn’t bear it.

TBH I think it's easy with hindsight to say the police did the wrong thing. Brian had clearly visible marks on his face and explained the slapping as trying to bat her hands away (which is plausible). He is calm, polite and apologetic.

Gabbi tells the officer about her mental health issues and how they make her behave, she seems to have an anxiety attack when the police officer even suggests they spend time apart. It seems like she's upset about the incident and there's nothing to suggest it didn't go the way Brian says - where she hit him with the phone and he was batting her off because he was trying to drive.

After the night apart they went straight back to their trip. I think she would have gone back no matter what at that point sadly. Later she seems to change and messages to say she's going solo - but Brian made sure that would never happen.

The pictures he drew and the things his mum said to him all add up to a very troubled young man, poor Gabbi getting caught up with him, I think if it hadn't been her it would have been someone else. He was a very disturbed and dangerous man.

She was treated unfairly by the police, however she had opportunities to speak to the officer, she admitted assault, blamed her upset on OCD. There was multiple opportunities to speak up.

No victim blaming here, its tragic, he is a vicious man, when women have chances to escape they must grab on to it. I know it isn't easy, my Dsis is in a mentally abusive relationship and when she doesn't reply to texts, we panic. Sadly we cannot physically drag her away.

@Lyn397 This 'with hindsight' comment really winds me up. To me it just resigns women to continued violence and being let down. The police officers were FOUND to have not acted within their own procedures. they were FOUND to have not taken witness statement or investigated Gabby's injuries. They were FOUND to have not followed up on the 911 call that clearly stated it was a man hitting a woman. They were FOUND to have not categorised it correctly and not followed the DV citations. They were put on extended probation because of it. That's not hindsight. That's police negligence. And we shouldn't be just saying 'oh poor police they were just doing their job'. They didn't do their job correctly even with the flawed procedures at the time.

She was spoken to in the open a stones through away from where her abusive controlling boyfriend was. It is a specific recommendation in DV cases that people are separated properly and interviewed as it is very very common for victims to take the blame or be too scared to say anything in the moment. She did not 'admit the assault' she was crying and said things like 'I guess I hit first' after she was told that Brian was saying she hit him first. You are victim blaming 'where women have a chance to escape they must grab on it'. This completely misses what coercive control is. An in this situation, she wasn't being given a 'chance to escape'. She was spoken to in ear shot of her abusive boyfriend, and the police, even tough they had a witness who stated the man hit her, decided she was the problem because the man said so.

@Kbroughton I am no fan of the police. I do see how difficult this could be though.

You have the victim consistently saying they're at fault and they believe it themselves. That's so tough. If there was some additional resource to follow up with her afterwards. Some sort of specialised coercive control support officer or something to make contact with her after this. Because the officers in question clearly have no clue what that might look like. Is there anything like this currently? I doubt it. I have been watching alot online where or are campaigning to raise awareness as part of officer training. It needs specialist officers though who actually get it. I don't think there are any!

It takes a lot of dedicated work to help victims see what is happening and I don't see how those attending Police could do much about changing this. She met up with him that same evening.

I just read your last post. Yes, that's a really good point. With the right experienced officer and being in a safe place away from him to talk - maybe this could have changed everything!

She was spoken to in the open a stones through away from where her abusive controlling boyfriend was.
She was questioned in the car too, she said she didn't know how she got the bruises, then said she hit him first and downplayed his reaction.
If anythings, she should have been arrested for assault, would it have kept her from returning to the relationship? doubting it.

A car is still a stones throw from where he was. Even with Gabby as the aggressor, they were meant to cite the agressor, in this case Gabby, take them both back to the police station. Interview them, take statements, take witness statements, provide a prosecutors report and provide DV after care support. None of which they did. Instead they categorised this as unrest/an emotional break. A independent review has found that the police made seven critical errors, this is a fact, its not a hindsight thing. they didnt follow their own policies. It was misogyny pure and simple. They had a police report from someone stating a man was hitting a women, and yet they couldnt work out that maybe her bruises and scratches could have come from him? They didnt go back and check with the witness? Come on now. The police didnt follow their own procedures at the time, and that is an undisputed fact.

A car is still a stones throw from where he was. Even with Gabby as the aggressor, they were meant to cite the agressor, in this case Gabby,
This happens all the time when both admit that they were violent, they're either arrested or advisd to separate for the night.
Gabby sadly didn't understand how dangerous he was, if she'd have known she would have left, she did have the opportunity.
She could drove off that night.

Maybe you should read about coercive control and DV. Or even read many of the threads on here where women (and sometimes men) stay with partners who are abusing them. If it was as easy as 'driving into the night' then they would and DV wouldnt exist. It may make you feel better to think that everyone has lots of opportunity to leave, but they don't. Coercive control does not happen straight away. It is 'boiling frog' syndrome'. Little things happening over periods of time where you genuinely believe that you are in the wrong and they are in the right.

In any case, you seem to be ignoring the report that states the police did not act according to their procedures. They were meant to cite Gabby. They didn't. They should have followed up on the witness. They didnt. they 'lost' the photos of Brian injuries. They did not take photos of Gabby's injuries as each police person thought the other had done it. They did not ask Gabby if she needed to me checked medically for her injuries even when she said she had pain. Not sure how you can argue with all that.

@Kbroughton Thank you for that. I am well aware of coercion and control, domestic violence.

If you had of read my posts, you know as a family, my sister is in such a relationship.

As much as we hate it, she cannot be forced to leave, despite having a loving supportive family in the wings, not by family, friends or the police.

Women need to learn to escape at any cost.

I was assaulted badly in my early 20's. I snook quietly over his sleeping body and ran for my life through a field, we were 2 years in, went into hiding for months.

I'd be removed from family by then, violence confirmed the abuse. The mental abuse, caused me doubt, the blows left me no doubt.

Thankfully I learned my lesson.

The police should have cited Gabby. I doubt it would have made a difference, plus the police are also giving the powers to either separate or arrest.

She would have returned to him.

I watch a lot of judge Judy.

As have I. And I dont take the attitude that 'she should have drove off into the night'. I find it more shocking that you take that attitude if you know that it is not easy to leave a coercive controller. Gabby was not given ANY opportunity to leave. She was spoken to for a total of 30 minutes. She wasn't asked. As you will know, these things take a very long time and would never be done in a 30 minute discussion when the actual victim was already told she was the aggressor! I would say that police, and other organisations are not given appropriate training in CC and DV, which is very difficult.

In any case, and again something you keep ignoring - it has been proven that the police DID NOT take appropriate action. They didn't follow their own procedures. You have no idea whether it would or wouldn't have made a difference. And it's neither here nor there. They had procedures, they didn't follow them. And they were held accountable for that. And the law was changed after that, recognising that it was flawed. I am sorry you went through what you did, but statements such as 'where women have their chances they must take it'; minimises how difficult it it to do so and puts the actions on the woman and on no one else.

After reading this thread, you're so right @Kbroughton. I wonder how many people ever said to her, tell me all about your relationship. Does that sound ok or normal treatment? What do you think?

I got about 2/3 through episode one, had to turn off during the bodycam footage when they were pulled over, just couldn't watch it. If i pick it back up, will it make sense if i just scroll past that part/ start episode 2?

The parents and step parents appear to have been living and supportive. They do not seem to have mistrusted Laundrie at all.
He was a manipulative person and a gaslighter
There was a gf who was concerned and an ex (both interviewed) and they both communicated their support to her but she doesn't seem to have realised until too late that she had to get away.
She wanted to believe in until just before the end. She was massively invested in the appearance of a blissful life. That in itself was a problematic attitude given his personality.

Loving

Yes it will, and there's some interesting stuff later on which is worth watching. I found it hard going too.

I think for us looking at the events as a whole, and probably the officers in hindsight, it seems obvious that he was the aggressor. However at the time, I know it was reported that he was the one assaulting her but they both said it was Gabby being violent. From the police point of view I think that's a difficult situation, they probably wouldn't get anywhere arresting him and they would most likely reunite afterwards anyway. By giving her the van, they gave her some opportunity to get away but there is only so much people on the outside can do unfortunately 😔

He was seen slapping her in the street. That was what the member of the public told the police when he phoned to report an assault happening. That member of the public was concerned for Gabby because she was the one being slapped around in public.

It then being twisted to make her the abuser and Brian being put up in the shelter is madness.

My brother is in a physically, emotionally abusive relationship too. He is the abuser.

It doesn't matter what we do to try and support his spouse to leave, nothing makes any kind of difference. In fact when we've tried, she tends to turn on us and make us the problem for meddling, defend him, tell him what we're doing/saying, and then they close ranks and he abuses us.

She has continued to stay with him and had two more babies with him since the abuse started.

People who've never been witness to an abusive relationship really do struggle to understand the dynamics at play. It's heartbreaking.

@CherryPopShowerGel I was in an abusive marriage for 12 years. I did not leave. i would never have left. He left me. Had he not done so I would have stayed with him. I am a Director within the NHS in England, I earn a 6 figure salary. No one would ever say I am diminutive person. I know what it is like to be in an abusive relationship. I know it is hard to leave. I now lead a support group in my area for abused people, mainly women. That is why I do NOT accept the 'in hindsight' argument. There is no point saying that people need to help themselves, and throw your arms up in despair because despite all the help in the world, people will stay. The fact is we live in a deeply misogynistic society which does not benefit women - OR MEN. We do not do everything in our power to help those in abusive relationships. Far from it. Gabby was not helped. While the procedures were flawed - they WERE NOT EVEN FOLLOWED. That is not hindsight. I can't trap up to work, not follow a policy, and then say 'oh in hindsight I should have followed the policy'. Why should our police officers be allowed that as an excuse. They didnt even ask the eye witness what they saw - they didnt follow it up - is that hindsight? You are giving all abusers an excuse to get away with it when you say 'whatever you do they will stay'. This is deep-seated, decades old culture at work and it's hard to change. But you won't change it by allowing shoddy police work be passed off as 'hindsight'. The police officer is 'deeply sorry' I am sure he is. But it is as clear as day the misogyny at work. Whether it would or wouldnt had made a difference no one can say. What we can say is that the procedures in place at the time were not followed and they should have been. I will spend my life trying to help other people in the same situation as me, and that means confronting both men and women who are so deep in the culture that surrounds them they can't see it. I would be doing a dis service to my daughter if I didnt.

Sorry, but can you quote where I said " You are giving all abusers an excuse to get away with it when you say 'whatever you do they will stay'."

I don't recall writing that. I wrote about my own family experience. I don't remember writing 'whatever you do they will stay', but I am happy to be corrected if I somehow did in a daydream...