To think the Gabby Petito bodycam footage is beyond distressing

[Tricho]

Just watching this on netflix

The bodycam footage of her is one of the hardest things I've watched, an utterly terrified and distraught sweet, sweet girl

How her mother watched it I'll never know, I was sobbing.

What the hell did I just read?

I followed the search at the time. I remember watching the police bodycam footage, listening to how he talked about her and recognised the manipulation and control behind his words. Like when he talked about her diving through the van window...because he'd threatened to abandon her in the arsehole of nowhere ffs! The girl would have been terrifed. She was clearly a mentally unwell, vulnerable, young woman, who was repeatedly goaded and gaslit by her boyfriend. It is so, so clear.

I was so shocked and upset then to read other people's interpetation of the footage and calling her an abuser and that she only gets away with it because she was a young, pretty female and the police should have arrested her! Fuck me. A lot of people really are simple thinkers.

Is it just me or is VAWG increasing at a rapidly alarming rate? Or are we just hearing about it more? Obviously if more victims feel able to report (I never did feel able to) that's a good thing but it just seems like things are getting worse for us ladies.

Well said, ladies, remember if you use your camera too much, it’s understandable that your partner will kill you. Thanks so much for a much-needed against the grain opinion 🙄

It made me cry watching it. I wanted to reach into the tv and just give her a big hug. They should've taken her back to the police station, got her a cup of tea and some tissues, let her calm down and a woman police officer should've talked to her about what was going on and encouraged her to call her parents. They neglected their most basic duty of care to a young, utterly distraught young woman.

I've been to Utah a couple of times and it is an astonishingly misogynistic place, sadly that rotten attitude from the male cop didn't surprise me. I'm glad they all have to live with what they did (or DIDN'T do) and also the knowledge the whole world knows it.

Not defending the police they were inept but if she as an adult chooses to stay with him what can they actually do? They can’t take her to safety against her will.

@brothyrice @LunaNorth Sorry...I forgot I need to follow the party line and encourage the echo chamber. Thanks for twisting my words!

Having actually been on an extended road trip myself with a nasty piece of work that I thought I loved but actually barely knew and be mentally abused to the point where I could see no way out, I actually felt anxious watching it and could see paralels to what happened to me. I'm sure one of you will roll your eyes at that too. I could show you the bite mark he gave me during the trip if you want?!

Imo, She knew she had to leave him but felt scared doing it on her own. Plus she would consider it a failure for it not working out. It is scary and lonely driving around very isolated places on your own. Even with someone who is not good for her. As I said they were trauma bonded!!

On a road trip EVERYTHING is amplified. So her taking her camera out every 5 seconds may have been a bit irritating before, but clearly made him very angry. She was rolling her eyes at him for doing things wrong and he clearly exploded at her for it. Because she was reacting, she would have thought she was just as bad and probably deserved it. Not saying that is right. BUT WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT TO THE POLICE.

They should have made an effort to see the situation for what it was- him physically assaulting her. Then they could have arrested him but it was obvious they couldn’t be arsed with the admin. That way at least she’d have got some actual breathing space and he wouldn’t have been able to contact her. They met up the same night as that incident, there was nothing to stop that happening, I imagine he was able to persuade her back pretty quickly and she didn’t want to be alone and feeling confused and vulnerable.

For those saying why did she go back to him - it's quite common for abusers to make threats about what will happen if the victim leaves, some of which can be terrifying. Threats of suicide (and telling the victim that it would be their fault), threats to share intimate photos with family members. We've got no idea what he was doing or saying when no-one could see.

VIctims are also broken with what can seem like relentless criticism - no-one will ever love you but me, if people knew how broken you are they'd hate you, only I can understand you, you're crazy, how will you cope without me, you can't manage on your own.

Leaving is really hard and really dangerous. The police had a witness who saw Brian assault Gabby and yet for reasons best known to themselves decided he was the victim in all of this when her emotional state should have made it clear that it was the other way round.

Coercive control is a form of grooming. Over time, the victim genuinely starts to believe that it's their fault. She was telling the police the truth as she understood it at the time. You learn to always take responsibility for whatever happens, because if you don't things just get worse, and you start to believe that other people think the same things the abuser does, so you do the same behaviour with them, too. You start to pre-empt it and apologise for stuff you haven't even done just to try and head off the rage before it starts. (sometimes it starts anyway. You can't win)

I watched this last night. Cannot believe he was treated like a king and she told she was lucky to be free even though the initial call said a male slapping a woman in the face. I hope those police officers were suspended for that, awful policing. She was obviously saying h she hit him to try and get him off, he was manipulative and controlling and and was scored and tried to put the blame on her. This is obvious to anyone how those police officers were fooled shocked me

Yes, and they also should have let her call her Mum the moment she asked to. In that moment she was ready to call for help and support from someone she trusted. By putting her off and making her feel in the wrong, she doubted herself and her own needs, and did not make that call later. Fuckers😡

I was waiting for them to go and get her phone, so she could call her mum. She was begging to call her mum. It’s heartbreaking. How could they not have let her call her, why!?

I genuinely believe this was a failure of training and a bit of outdated machismo.

They took the couple at their word, Laundries manipulated them and they were sloppy and assumptive.

Laundrie was very clever in implying he was only defensively pushing her away.

This will be used for training all over the world I imagine. And also strictly speaking there are couples where the woman is the aggressor; not to take away from the tragic failures of this stop but these police officers were doing what they believed to be their job at the time.

More than anything Petito had put herself in his hands - she did choose him and that is something any of us might do, he clearly appeared to be completely different to who he was. Most of us have been fools in love, I can imagine that he looked like a safe person with all that dopey smiling.

Don't trust everything you see in these Netflix docos.

So easy to criticize with hindsight.

Are you serious? It’s real footage. Body cam footage. Plus actual text exchanges and witness statements. What other way would you spin it?

They gave her the van and if you watch the whole footage they told her she should use it to go back home. They even asked if she had gas money.
They believed she was the aggressor because she told them she was, and if you listen carefully to the senior officer he tells the junior officers that both their stories of her being the aggressor are the same but he doesn't believe it and to keep an eye on them. He even went into detail about the heights and weights of them both and then said but this is what they're saying.

It's horrible what happened but how much more could they have done when even when she was separated from him she was insisting that he'd done nothing but try to help her.

This is a thinly veiled 'she was asking for it...' post.

Vile.

I totally agree - I’d like to know why that happens too. What causes people to grow up and be controlling in relationships?

I see the MRAs have turned up.

There is no excuse for a woman being murdered by her male partner, ever.

He killed her. His mother / parents tried to cover up.

She is the only victim.

You’d have understood if your partner had killed you then, presumably? You’d have been ok with that? Since it was so easy to annoy each other in a small space and you might have pissed him off one to many times?

Right-o

People are quick to accuse women of being abusers when their behavior is often a coping mechanism to the abuse they have faced for years. But despite, what a man has done, a woman won't be believed if she does not remain calm. Even when she does explain her situation calmly, she will be accused of "scheming" and there will be an army of these so called body language "experts" to point at every micro-gesture to "proof" she must be lying.

Can you tell I am tired of this shit? Because I am.

No it isn’t and if you bother to read her later post you will see she has actually been a victim of an abusive relationship herself. Can we please stop automatically accusing posters who have a different opinion to others of victim blaming. At no point does she excuse the abuse or murder, she’s just explaining how cramped conditions can heighten tensions. That does not
make her vile.

I agree with cosylemur the police did what they could and actually more than I suspect happens in the majority of these scenarios. The only thing they should have done differently is made sure her mum was aware of what was going on. That could have made the difference.

I don't understand why he wasn't arrested as soon as her body was found though? The parents must have been guilty of perverting the course of justice as well?

That made no sense to me although the American police/legal system often seems chaotic at best.

It was vile, bone chillingly vile to watch.

Similar happened on how American Murder has been recorded as well, very much painted one of the murdered women as the aggressor in the documentary.

There's a big problem with how our media portrays violence against women and girls and it's got its stench into all aspects of the media, globally.