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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend never offers to drive

52 replies

Madaboutdahlias · 20/02/2025 08:34

Hi
i have a friend in our social group that lives nearby and she often manipulates it that I drive and never offers to drive me. If we share a taxi she gets dropped off first so I have to pay a bigger share as I’m dropped off last. We are about to go away for a weekend and I know she will expect me to drive. How can I politely suggest that she offers.

OP posts:
Miloarmadillo2 · 20/02/2025 08:35

Friend - It’s your turn to drive! Not difficult.

SecretToryVoter · 20/02/2025 08:36

Surely you just say that you’ve been driving quite a bit recently and it’s her turn. I don’t get the issue?

DaringLion · 20/02/2025 08:36

Have car problems when you’re due to go

Fraaances · 20/02/2025 08:38

Hit her up for petrol

Moonshine5 · 20/02/2025 08:39

Say you hurt your hand so insurance world be invalidated

Itisbetter · 20/02/2025 08:39

Just say “if you’re driving I’d love a lift” and see what unfolds.

Iloveeverycat · 20/02/2025 08:41

If she is a good friend have you not asked her why. Maybe she is a nervous driver. Has she never offered petrol money. Wouldn't be happy with the taxi I would expect half split.

MayaPinion · 20/02/2025 08:41

Can’t wait for the trip. It must be your turn to do the driving by now.

Samung · 20/02/2025 08:43

How could you arrange to go away together for a weekend and not agree who is driving before actually booking it? 'I'm assuming you'll drive, it's your turn'. Book or don't book depending on the reaction.
Moving forward - when she's manipulating you into driving just tell her it's her turn.

strongswan · 20/02/2025 08:43

Can't wait for the trip, your turn to drive as I'm been driving quite a lot.

randoname · 20/02/2025 08:44

I put yabu to not have said so before or even struggling to word it.
I don’t want to drive.
Your turn to drive.
Will you pick me up en route or shall I come to yours?
50/50 if we share a cab.
None of the above is rude.

DoYouReally · 20/02/2025 08:51

You can only be manipulated if you let it continue.

Just call her out on it.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 20/02/2025 08:59

I'd just ring (not text) ... Just been thinking about areangements for our weekend away ... I think it's your turn to drive on this trip so would you be able to collect me or shall I come to your house.
I'd cancel if she's not driving. Couldn't have her taking the piss any longer.

WellsAndThistles · 20/02/2025 09:00

Don't offer to pick her up, you're driving straight from work, distant relatives house in the opposite direction and don't want to double back etc. As for the Taxi, either don't share or say it's your turn to get dropped off first.

Dancingatthepinkponyclub · 20/02/2025 09:02

My mum does this- she’s scared to drive though! I’d suggest she gets me and she said oh dad will drive us and it annoys me as he doesn’t always need to come too!
Maybe she’s nervous?
Although the taxi thing makes me think she’s tight! Tell her your car is in garage, has a flat tyre, husband needs it (if you have one!)

Nanny1983 · 20/02/2025 09:04

Isn’t your car making a funny noise in the morning or your partner/mum/sister needs to borrow your car coz theirs has a flat tyre and they have an important meeting whilst you’re away .

Sulu17 · 20/02/2025 09:06

cancel the trip, she's using you

ThejoyofNC · 20/02/2025 09:06

"You can drive, your turn is well overdue."

Diningtableornot · 20/02/2025 09:09

if she’s a friend you can just say, Could you drive this time please? I always seem to end up doing it.
And she doesn’t agree at once say What’s the problem exactly? She may be scared or worried about the petrol cost but she needs to tell you.

Millyjanice · 20/02/2025 09:15

Just stop going on trips with her and tell her the reason.

Zusammengebrochen · 20/02/2025 09:19

Madaboutdahlias · 20/02/2025 08:34

Hi
i have a friend in our social group that lives nearby and she often manipulates it that I drive and never offers to drive me. If we share a taxi she gets dropped off first so I have to pay a bigger share as I’m dropped off last. We are about to go away for a weekend and I know she will expect me to drive. How can I politely suggest that she offers.

Don't let her manipulate you!
Tell her that you're happy to lift share if you both take turns from now on.
Tell her that you're happy to share a taxi if you take it in turns being dropped off, or if it's practical to drop her first then at least pay her fair share.
Ask her to drive you both this weekend, and if she suggests you drive then tell her you are fed up - make separate ways there if needed.
Maybe she is nervous driving with folk in the car, but that doesn't excuse expecting you to be her taxi.
I did say YABU though, because any sensible adult would just discuss this!

Hdjdb42 · 20/02/2025 09:20

It could be a nervous thing. I'm a very nervous driver, I don't know why. Just ask nicely, would you mind driving tomorrow?" It would be nice to have a break from driving all of the time." See what she says.

thedogatethecattreats · 20/02/2025 09:25

Itisbetter · 20/02/2025 08:39

Just say “if you’re driving I’d love a lift” and see what unfolds.

perfect

Moonnstars · 20/02/2025 09:26

Agree you just need to speak up and ask them if they were going to drive this time.
I am not a confident driver and don't like going new places. I would rather get public transport. Maybe there is a reason she never offers.
My friends do know I don't like driving though and I will offer petrol money, pay for their food or make some other offer when out to try and balance things.

cramptramp · 20/02/2025 09:31

If she's a good friend why do you have to be polite? Just say no.