My friend never offers to drive

[Madaboutdahlias]

Hi
i have a friend in our social group that lives nearby and she often manipulates it that I drive and never offers to drive me. If we share a taxi she gets dropped off first so I have to pay a bigger share as I’m dropped off last. We are about to go away for a weekend and I know she will expect me to drive. How can I politely suggest that she offers.

Please don't listen to all the nonsense advice giving you excuses to tell your friend.

Just be honest and ask her as you always drive. If there is a hint of resistance you know she's not really a friend

I had friends like this. A Mexican stand off before every outing waiting for someone to offer to drive. I don't see them now

Taxi thing is fine. You live further away you pay more.

If you are too shy to say 'oi you manipulating cheap user, your turn to drive isn't it?' then fall back on an excuse/lie. I suggest a text today saying 'I have hurt my wrist and won't be driving this holiday.' See what she says.

Not sure how she can manipulate you. Is she asking for a lift in front of others? Is she saying, say, 'you don't drink so you won't mind driving me will you.' Following you to the car and getting in without asking? How is she making you her driver @Madaboutdahlias

And then spend the whole trip feeling awkward incase friend asks about your injured hand that hasn’t affected you?

Don’t lie OP.
“Hi friend do you mind driving this time?”
It will either be a yes or a no, she has no problem asking you to drive so I don’t see how it’s so difficult for you to ask

“Your turn to drive, right?”.

It may be that she’s a nervous driver. If that’s the case definitely get petrol money from her - maybe in advance so she can’t “forget”.
If she’s just a CF then no more lifts, or at least make sure she always gives petrol money, or covers occasional taxi charges in exchange for all the lifts you give her.

she often manipulates it that I drive

How? What does she actually say? Maybe people on here can give you a few responses to say if we know what she's doing?

With the taxi, when she gets out, I'd say don't pay now, I'll pay and text you how much it was and you can transfer me your half.

I have a friend who does this. Last time we were going out I subtly said that I didn't fancy driving and she said "no problem - I can meet you there"!!!!

Why would you actually want to go away with her for the weekend, knowing what she is like? What on earth led you to agree to that?

I'd also guess that she feels nervous.

I once asked a friend to split some driving and she confessed that she was terrified of motorway driving and couldn't bring herself to do it with a passenger.

People aren't always acting out of malice

And what do you sat when she says "yes, I'd prefer not to" or "I can't drive, hubby needs the car"

Then Op could say I also prefer not to drive because I drive both of us every time we go out or away and was just hoping for a break from it for one time

It depends how much friend is paying, if she is paying the total amount of the journey so far so let’s say from the pub to friends costs £5 and she pays £5 then from friends to OPs is an extra £7 then OP is left to pay £7, yes she’s paying more but that’s fair. In that case the only one benefiting is actually OP.
However if it is up to £5 when friend gets out and she’s paying like£3 then I would say what you have said about not paying now and pay after letting her know the amount

I really don’t like driving as I am nervous. I am really out of practice and have lost my confidence as DH usually drives if we are going any distance.

If travel involved with friends I usually suggest train, but if they insist we drive or if its an out of the way place I explain my feelings about driving and ask if they would drive and agree to split petrol and parking money. I also split taxi fairs.

Could something similar be the case with your friend? If not and you feel as you do if you can’t get the train then I wouldn’t go.

If you select ride share on Uber it works out exactly how much each person should pay based on drop off.

Why are you worried about being polite? You don't have to be rude, you just need to be assertive.

Not a criticism but try starting your drive small trips by yourself. Don't let your driving skills waste away.

Re the taxi - when I was younger and went out every Saturday night a friend and I would share a taxi (she refused to get one alone). Dropping her off made my journey a lot longer as she wasn't on to way home. She used to pay the price it was at her house BUT my cost was more than it would have been if I had gone straight to my house.

I spoke to her about it and she didn't see the problem and wouldn't pay more. So I stopped going out with her.

@Coconutter24 you are right of course - I wouldn't lie. It's just that I know many people in my life that cannot bring themselves to say 'no' and I get the feeling OP might be one. It's just different personality type. OP could answer that her hand is now feeling better.

Love this

I get sometimes it’s easier to tell a little white lie but she would be with her friend that’s she’s lied to and I think someone who would have to lie because they’re to nervous to bring something up would just end up fretting over the lie

Just say you notice she never offers to drive and wondered whether she was a nervous driver.

Less confrontational if you are adverse.

Omg 😲 what a cheeky sausage!

I put yabu to not have said so before or even struggling to word it.

Same.
I can't understand the vote, as it doesn't match the comments at all.

I find people like this infuriating. Thankfully all my friends who drive are more than happy to split the driving