To dump him for wearing glasses?

[ThisFluentBiscuit]

Lighthearted AIBU.

I have a lovely sexy FWB. Problem: He permanently obscures his handsome face by wearing these awful glasses. He won't wear contacts - has tried them and hates them. His glasses are really unsexy, but it's hard to get them smaller because they're the bifocal type with a line across. He looks like a bank manager from the early Nineties. When he takes them off, he looks about 20 years younger and 10 times hotter. Drives me mad.

Also it's frustrating that I've got this handsome man who ruins all the general foxiness when we go out with these glasses. He sometimes sends me photos of himself - he's on holiday right now and just sent me a shot - and my vagina is starting to shrivel a bit at the bank manager look. It was OK for the first couple of years because it was all new, and we don't see each other THAT much anyway (although we're firm friends so we text a lot).

I'm beginning to realise that the glasses are going nowhere.

TLDR: His glasses are giving me the ick. Should I dump him for someone who's not perma-wearing a sexual impediment blazoned across his face?

If we were choosing glasses for him, I might be blunt, but these were really expensive. I'll have to wait until he needs a new pair.

You sound way too invested for FWB. Either you fancy him and want to fuck him or you don't - thats the deal, isn't it? If you've got the ick, move on to your next victim.

Could be.

You sound way too invested for FWB. Either you fancy him and want to fuck him or you don't - thats the deal, isn't it?

Agree. You're definitely blurring lines. Find someone else.

Erm, this FWB situ has been going on for years? I think you have more serious issues than varifocals. Don’t sleep with anyone you don’t fancy, you owe your vagina that much, it’s also very rude to whoever you’re boning.

What's wrong with three years? We're just very sexually compatible. I still fancy him but I can feel it waning a bit because three years of bad glasses and polyester is going to catch up with you eventually, it seems.

Erm, that’s totally not what your post says… Generally after 3 years in a FWB situation, you’d have to consider why things haven’t progressed- anyone super attractive generally gets a promotion to girlfriend/boyfriend. Only two more years and you will have spent half a decade in a casual arrangement, one which by your own admission sounds like its flickering out? Maybe he isn’t arsed about it either?

Maybe you should have more respect for yourself and others? Why would you lower yourself to sleep with someone you don’t fancy and openly criticise? I’d show you the door if you were my FWB. Also suggest you grow up, 3 years literally dicking out with someone you aren’t attracted to? What a waste of your time and theirs…

You’ve tripped yourself up, he won’t have had the same glasses for three years. You’ve already indicated that these are new.

Do your homework before the end of half term!

Why a waste of time? Why does it have to progress? We've both had long marriages and aren't interested in commitment. His kids are adults and I'm postmenopausal. We're past all that. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. We both live for today. And I've always been deeply attracted to him as we have amazing sexual chemistry...just the glasses and polyester are bothering me these days...maybe I just feel he's not making an effort.

He had glasses when we met in early 2022. He got new ones in late 2022, his current ones. Maybe he's had the lenses changed, I don't know. Both awful.

Its very unusual for a woman who wants no strings sex to have no alternative but a man she finds physically unattractive. That's a very unfortunate situation to be in for sure. I guess you need to decide if sex with him is better than none at all if you've no other interest.

@ThisFluentBiscuit You didn't mention polyester until a casual mention in post #29. Is the issue the Clark Kents, the 70's track suits, or both?
No one likes a drip-feed.

This is definitely a wind up. Nobody is this thick.

But that's the point, I find him very physically attractive in his natural state.

PP are right, it's shallow and silly. I'll try to look past the ugly personal decor (bad glasses and polyester sports gear, ALL the time...) to the gorgeous specimen underneath.

I wish men would dress better in general.

Varifocals.

It's mostly the glasses. If he wore contacts or better glasses, I'm not sure the clothes would matter so much.

I don't understand.

OK, well I asked, and folks answered. Unreasonable to dump someone if their personal style becomes a turn-off. Got it. Thanks for the answers!

Definitely dump him. That's terrible! He could be going out with someone who deserves him and isn't being ridiculously fussy about something so unimportant.

FWB don't give a shit about the others dress sense or glasses because they are not in an emotional relationship.

You're not being a FWB. You're acting like a girlfriend or wife - I suspect that's what you want to be.

At first I thought you were being really shallow, but when I hit 40 and needed reading glasses some of them were appalling- plastic looking and utterly hideous. Luckily, I was able to splash out on some really cool Tom Ford ones and they actually look quite sexy (think sexy secretary vibe).

I do think the style makes all the difference. However, if he ever gets one of those chains to attach them round his neck then RUN.

Btw, looking at the results right now, there are 44 people who don't think I'm being unreasonable! 😂

I've told him he's free to see as many other people as he wants.

Have you considered "accidentally" breaking his glasses? Maybe it's time to take drastic measures? Unless, of course, per my previous comment, the relationship is over.