To dump him for wearing glasses?

[ThisFluentBiscuit]

Lighthearted AIBU.

I have a lovely sexy FWB. Problem: He permanently obscures his handsome face by wearing these awful glasses. He won't wear contacts - has tried them and hates them. His glasses are really unsexy, but it's hard to get them smaller because they're the bifocal type with a line across. He looks like a bank manager from the early Nineties. When he takes them off, he looks about 20 years younger and 10 times hotter. Drives me mad.

Also it's frustrating that I've got this handsome man who ruins all the general foxiness when we go out with these glasses. He sometimes sends me photos of himself - he's on holiday right now and just sent me a shot - and my vagina is starting to shrivel a bit at the bank manager look. It was OK for the first couple of years because it was all new, and we don't see each other THAT much anyway (although we're firm friends so we text a lot).

I'm beginning to realise that the glasses are going nowhere.

TLDR: His glasses are giving me the ick. Should I dump him for someone who's not perma-wearing a sexual impediment blazoned across his face?

@ThisFluentBiscuit

If it’s just about sex, then just otherwise keep contact so low that there are no need for selfies etc? Ask him to stop sending them?

I thought the point of FWB was no strings. You can’t tell the other person what to do.
Although - if he asked you to stop sending him any selfies because he hates ‘x’ feature, how would you feel? And that feature is making him think about ending it with you. Would that upset or hurt you? If he said ‘x’ feature reminds him of an unattractive celebrity.

It just all seems a bit uncaring, but you say you are fine with that. I wonder if you have been through a tough time and have put your walls up, which has led to an uncaring facade. Because caring is where you’ve got hurt before.

Are you misinterpreting the glasses?

John Major/Deirdre Barlow glasses are the height of fashion right now so I'm wondering if he's quite a stylish person but you just don't 'get' it.

Stop fucking him if his glasses bother you. Like it's not like you're in a relationship. Why are you trying to change him?

OP, I think you are not in a FWB mindset. You care for this guy because are emotionally invested in his looks (glasses, outfits and his beliefs and about his extended family). You say you are going to go glasses shopping with him, which is likely a non-sexual activity. Why not just go to bed together and then he won’t wear them?

It is ok if you want more. I suspect he doesn’t.

Good luck with it.

Rather than tell him how much the glasses and polyester give you the ick, could you not emphasise how much sexier he is when he takes his glasses off. Positive reinforcement always works better!
When he sends bespectacled selfies, tell him to take them off!!

Bullying excuses by calling it lighthearted, wow

But glasses are an easy fix. They're not an innate feature. I don't think it's the same as criticising someone's weight, nose etc.

I think my best bet is probably to try to choose them with him next time.

If my glasses gave someone the ick, I think I'd be happy to choose a new style, when I next needed some.

I don't know if there's any fix for the polyester sportswear though. Most men are so clueless about what looks good.

Maybe?

That's actually a good idea!

I'm going to text him right now telling him to take those glasses off and let me see all of that handsome face...since he sent me a glasses selfie earlier, which is what prompted this thread,

Bifocal glasses do still have lines across, if that's what's needed. I have a pair, though the line doesn't go all the way across. I also have a pair where the close up part is circular. There's all kinds of lenses about these days. I can't use actual varifocals because I have vertigo and they actual make me nauseous.

I just wish he looked a bit sexier when it would be so quick and easy to do so. New glasses and to wear some of the nice clothes he already has in his wardrobe. I'm not asking him to change his body or his hair or his car.

But I'm not bullying him, am I? I haven't said anything to him, because the glasses are expensive. And I'd prefer him to wear his nicer clothes on our dates, which isn't a big ask since he already owns the clothes I like, but I haven't, in case I hurt his feelings.

@ThisFluentBiscuit

You’re right, not the same as weight/nose.

But it is a medical need, and a choice he made so he can see better.

I think if you get into the territory of ‘you need to wear/do this to please me’ - then it’s a bit controlling/uncaring? You’re asking him to change something he is otherwise happy with purely to suit you.
It’s not quite the same as clothing. He needs glasses.

I don’t know. I’m trying to think of examples where I’ve done something similar. I did buy a nose hair trimmer once for a bf, and I upset him!

You can dump someone for any reason at all, or no reason at all. You don’t need anyone’s permission.

It's funny, when I got together with my now DH his glasses were awful. Picked out by his mum.

After we got serious, I sat him down one day and very gently pointed out how uncomfortable he looked (they were the wrong size for his face) and said that only if he WANTED, I would help and I had a couple ideas.

Fast forward to now. He wears a completely different style he picked and he's so much happier.

I didn't care about the shit glasses. Trust me, if you were more interested in him, you wouldn't either.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I've never really understood the point of "I'm going to post something that makes me look like a terrible person, but label it 'lighthearted' like it's a get out of jail free card".

95% of the time, it just makes you look like a bigger arsehole, possibly because the joke was never funny.

1st response nails it

Also, I met my now DH in the 90s. He still had those awful too large specs that had been popular but people weee now going smaller. I gently encouraged him to upgrade to a more in style pair.

But you've said yourself he's NOT your SO, he's a FWB. make up your mind!

Dump him because you're blurring lines.

FWB's don't pick each others clothes or try and mould each others fashion into something else - partners do that as there's a long term goal for a mutual life.

His glasses and his clothes (along with all the other stuff that make him undateable for you) are him. You take it or you walk away.

My hubby is hot with geeky glasses. Jesus, some women are so shallow.

But how are you ‘ completely stuck’ with him, if your relationship is only sexy-based?! You described him as FWB rather than SO? 🤔

Are you really like this? Please dump him so he can find someone better.

I haven’t seen anyone wearing the ones with lines for years!

my 20yr old DS loves the polyester sports gear. When he did an internship last year he needed some smart casual clothes so I bought him some chino’s / short shirts and nice shoes. His girlfriend complemented my taste, guess she gets tired of the polyester sports gear too! Even worse my ex, his dad, liked some of the polyester tracksuit bottoms and bought some too. They look even worse on a mid 40’s man! But thank god, I no longer have to go there!