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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Half/step siblings

456 replies

Pickledeverything · 19/02/2025 23:23

If your children have half or step siblings do you correct them when they say “brother/sister” so they use the proper term?

YABU - yes I do
YANBU - no I do not

OP posts:
MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 20/02/2025 08:17

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 00:12

My child talks about their “brothers and sisters” often. They don’t have brothers and sisters. They have step brothers and half sisters. I’m sick of constantly having to correct them and then explain to other people the family dynamic because they are obviously confused. Several people agree with me as shown in my poll. They just haven’t spoken up yet.

let it go GIF

You sound very controlling. im sure most people ar enot confused, but just not bothered by the detail and it's only impacting you. Let it go.

Savemefromwetdog · 20/02/2025 08:19

iv fucked up and it hurts to admit it but the truth is, yes I do tell her that her siblings aren’t her siblings and her step mum isn’t her step mum, because it hurts to think that he’s given her a family and I haven’t yet. I never wanted her to grow up on a split family. When I get angry (not just about this) but it’s like i see red and I can’t calm down and I do get nasty.

You don’t seem to have grown up at since last year, OP

GreyCarpet · 20/02/2025 08:19

That’s just weird though. You’re not his child why would he do that what if your mum and him split up? He’d forever have some random kids name on his arm and have to explain that to his next partner

She isn't a random child though. She's his daughter. Albeit it not biologically related to him. That is the relationship they have.

My eldest has a stepdad. Technically. His father fucked off before he was born (despite him being planned etc) and his 'stepdad' is the only dad he has ever known.

We split up when my eldest was 13 and he paid maintenance for him until he was 18. 13 years on, they still have a father/son relationship. My son only has one dad. They just don't share any genetic material.

He is as much his child as his biological daughter is and my exh's mum still refers to my eldest child as her eldest grandchild despite not having had anything to do with me for the past decade (her choice).

GreyCarpet · 20/02/2025 08:21

iv fucked up and it hurts to admit it but the truth is, yes I do tell her that her siblings aren’t her siblings and her step mum isn’t her step mum, because it hurts to think that he’s given her a family and I haven’t yet. I never wanted her to grow up on a split family. When I get angry (not just about this) but it’s like i see red and I can’t calm down and I do get nasty.

Yeah, you're the one in the wrong, OP.

That's appalling tbh.

Wells37 · 20/02/2025 08:21

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 00:20

Ok but I don’t want them to say brother and sister in my house, they’ve been told and still continue to do it. Am I the “psychopath” for correcting them??

Yes, they decide.

Praying4Peace · 20/02/2025 08:21

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 00:12

My child talks about their “brothers and sisters” often. They don’t have brothers and sisters. They have step brothers and half sisters. I’m sick of constantly having to correct them and then explain to other people the family dynamic because they are obviously confused. Several people agree with me as shown in my poll. They just haven’t spoken up yet.

Gosh, why do you feel the need to correct your child? Must be very unsettling for your child. Why do you feel it is so important to contradict your child's perception of their siblings? Why is ot a problem for you? Please reflect

PinkPlatypus · 20/02/2025 08:23

I’m confused. Brother/sister IS the correct term.
My youngest (biologically) only has ‘half siblings’ but we would never call them that. They’re her brother/sisters. I would be devastated if I ever heard my eldest kids calling her their half sister.

Drcake · 20/02/2025 08:27

Seems like you are searching for people to confirm what you wish to happen. Confirmation bias almost. Clearly it seems most people with step / half siblings don’t demand the children exclusively refer to to them like this. If you do, for whatever reason, I would assume you should probably let your children take the lead seeing as it’s their relationship and what they feel comfortable with.

Praying4Peace · 20/02/2025 08:28

My child has 3 brothers and sisters, corn after their dad got married. I've inherited 3 GC to add to my adult child's 2 children, making that 5! Wonderful
I simply don't get this 'half' bit. Find it really irritating

ThDanielDay · 20/02/2025 08:28

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 00:20

Ok but I don’t want them to say brother and sister in my house, they’ve been told and still continue to do it. Am I the “psychopath” for correcting them??

Yes

Praying4Peace · 20/02/2025 08:28

Praying4Peace · 20/02/2025 08:28

My child has 3 brothers and sisters, corn after their dad got married. I've inherited 3 GC to add to my adult child's 2 children, making that 5! Wonderful
I simply don't get this 'half' bit. Find it really irritating

born

OneShoeShort · 20/02/2025 08:29

BeardieWeirdie · 20/02/2025 08:12

My MIL tried to get my husband (as a child) to call her second husband “dad” when he already had a dad in the picture - so wrong. She then started referring to her third husband (who wasn’t on the scene until my husband was in his 30s) as “granddad”. We said no, our child has two granddads and Dave is Dave. I find her trying to push relationships like this onto her unwilling family appalling. Dave has grown-up children who we’ve never met, we don’t even know their names, any attempt to refer to them as my my husband’s brothers or our children’s uncles would be laughed at.

It sounds like your MIL was doing similar to OP - trying to force her children to define and describe their family relationships in the way she wants instead of respecting their feelings and wishes.

Wells37 · 20/02/2025 08:29

What about adopted children? Eg you have a birth child you then adopt a child. Should they have to explain the situation and say they are adopted siblings ? The only time it's relevant to them is in a medical setting.

If that's what they want to call them let them.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 20/02/2025 08:31

everychildmatters · 19/02/2025 23:37

Should I refer to my husband as "my second husband", just to make it clear?!!! 😆

Well, I do refer to my husband as my 'first husband' or my 'current husband'... (And he refers to himself as my 'starter husband'

Swonderful · 20/02/2025 08:32

Pickledeverything · 19/02/2025 23:35

Interested to hear from the 11% who do correct their children

Your poll is confusing. They probably voted to wrong way.

Lookingforwardto2025 · 20/02/2025 08:33

If it is a context where it is important that it is known that they are half siblings such as medical history then I will refer to them as my half brothers. Otherwise they are my brothers and I will correct anyone who refers to them as anything else. The degree of relationship is for your DC to decide.

My mum and stepdad (my brothers father) have since broken up but he still visits me, messages me and recently offered to pay off my student loan. He is my brothers father and therefore family.

nwsw · 20/02/2025 08:33

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 01:47

We’ve been split up ten years and child in question is 12 so I’m not bitter. Just factual. I bet all of you who are moaning would also not be happy with your kids calling your ex’s gf their step mum. Because she’s not, she’s daddy’s gf ffs

You sound really bitter.

SheilaFentiman · 20/02/2025 08:34

My husband’s sister and my husband’s brother’s wife are very close and refer to each other as sisters. Try correcting them… it won’t be pretty 😀

At 12, your child knows the actual relationships if they need to be accurate on forms or whatever. So pushing this point is about you, not them.

You don’t have to say it. If they say “can’t wait to see my sister” you can say “ah yes, how is Katie’s ballet going?” or whatever. But don’t “correct” them. It won’t help anything.

PinkPlatypus · 20/02/2025 08:35

I’ve just read all your updates and honestly you’re being a dick. I feel for your poor kids. And their siblings. Your bitterness and jealousy aren’t a good look. Your kids obviously see their siblings as just that. Trying to damage that to make yourself feel better is pathetic.

Trunksarebetter · 20/02/2025 08:38

EmeraldShamrock000 · 20/02/2025 01:41

Can anyone confirm if these children are step or half siblings? It's a bit confusing.

OP said “They have step brothers and half sisters”. Where’s the confusion?

OrangeYaGlad · 20/02/2025 08:38

Half and step are two completely different things. Half siblings are relations, step are not.

But it's a stupid question, because every situation is different. I have half sisters I've never met, they are not my siblings. I used to have step siblings, they're not anymore. They're no relation to me whatsoever.

It's whatever people consider them.to.be. don't try and control what way your children refer to their family in either direction

Starlight1984 · 20/02/2025 08:38

You sound absolutely awful @Pickledeverything

popandchoc · 20/02/2025 08:39

No my children call their half sister their sister and they don't see her as anything different.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 20/02/2025 08:39

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 00:20

Ok but I don’t want them to say brother and sister in my house, they’ve been told and still continue to do it. Am I the “psychopath” for correcting them??

Yes. A million % yes. HTH

Never2many · 20/02/2025 08:40

What is it with the number of bitter ex’s posting here lately.