Half/step siblings

[Pickledeverything]

If your children have half or step siblings do you correct them when they say “brother/sister” so they use the proper term?

YABU - yes I do
YANBU - no I do not

Golly, lighten up lovely. It's not all about you - perhaps your child enjoys the inclusivity felt from just referring to them as siblings. I myself have 2 step siblings and two half siblings. I am alone in that I do not have any "true" or "full" siblings. However, none of my siblings refer to me as a half or step and neither do I in regards to them. I love them dearly and there's no need. It's actually a bit hurtful when people do separate us - if it was my own mother I'd definitely feel put out.

My son's Father and I are not together. I am not married to my new partner, he is not married to his. I have a new baby with my new partner. My son calls his Dad's "gf" step-mum... She loves it, I love it. She's wonderful and they've been together for a long time so it makes life easier. Likewise with my partner... My son refers to him as his step dad and his new baby sister as his sister. He recently asked if he had to call her his half sister and looked sad about it. I said of course not, do whatever feels right for you. it's wonderful for all.

Everyone's happy 😊 who cares what's the correct term. Dent your bitterness all you want. The majority of us are reading between the lines and personally I think you should go and give yourself some lovin', life is too short to be upset, cross, angry and to be putting those emotions onto your children.

All the best 🌺

Some random kid? I’m sure he would have continued to see his step daughter regardless, given they were so close. She would never be a random child regardless. You clearly have an issue and your bitterness is transferring to your child, if you don’t stop it could affect your relationship. Relationships end, people move on. Your child’s happiness should be your no 1 priority.

You do come across as very bitter that your ex has moved on and therefore being petty about his new family. We don’t know how he treated you and I’m sorry if he was a complete arsehole to you. But you should try to move on at this point for the sake of your child.

Your example above is a bit different. It’s okay to specify family dynamics when trying to explain specifics to someone. The parent in your example probably doesn’t want you thinking they have 10 children! So yes, there are times when it is okay to explain to others the half or step relationship. But for the most part if someone wants to use the term brother or sister, that can only be a good thing, meaning they have a good relationship with them and see them as such. It’s a shame you’re constantly trying to change that, OP. Would you feel the same if it were you with children from another relationship?

This post is quite illuminating. I have two DSC and they always referred to DC1 (joint with DH) as their sibling. Out of nowhere, they started using half-sibling, and correcting each other if they didn’t. This had come from their DM. She was very angry and jealous too. We all laugh about it now. It just makes ex look utterly pathetic

I belive that the correct phrase as per the late Terry Wogan is "the current Mr everychildmatters" 😋

Mine doesn't have any step or halves but I would be happy for them to be referred to as brothers or sisters. A good friend has four halves and my father in law had two steps: they were all called sister or brother.

Why do you need to "correct" them? If they want to refer to them as brother/sister what is so wrong with that? You are being weird.

Edited to add I attended a funeral this week where a man referred to his step-brothers as his brothers. Fortunately no-one felt the need to correct him.

You can tell people the full story when they look confused without telling your kid they are not allowed to call their step and half siblings brother and sister.
So your kid says ´I’ve got 2 brothers and 2 sisters’. Your friend looks confused. You say ´Yes, you’ve got 2 step brothers and 2 half sisters at your Dad’s house. And when you’re mum’s it’s just us’ or whatever explains the situation best.
The only difference is you say ´yes’ instead of ´no’ - like treating step and half siblings as a kind of sibling rather than as a completely different thing.

I thinks it's sad that you feel the need to correct them.
I would far rather a relationship where they looked on them (and called them) brother/sister than having a fractured relationship.

It seems rather churlish to correct them.

If it bothers you so much, maybe you shouldn't have got involved with someone who has children to another woman 🤷🏻‍♀️

You are in the wrong if you correct them.
Children rarely 'other' people. If they want to be inclusive, and do indeed, see their step/half siblings as just their sibling, it's great.
Only parents on this site seem to demonise a child that has not fully sprung from their loins, happily excluding them from 'their family' events, etc.

There used to be more stigma attached to being a half brother or a step sister etc. Think Cinderella.
Now-a-days I hear proud references to step siblings and half siblings. There is a good mix of what people call their siblings.

It is not cruel to make sure your child knows the correct relationship as there is no longer any stigma. If your child is not ignorant, I would never correct their chosen terminology.

I have been corrected by some people for calling their step sibling their sibling. They get along well but, as adults, like to use the correct status.

Despite claiming you're not, you do in fact sound bitter. Your kids live between two homes, don't create a further divide, it might bite you on the ass when your kids are older and see it for what it is

my kids all have the same dad. They have two half siblings in their dads side because he has two more children and they’re all rationally within the same age group and have spent time together growing up but never lived together - my kids sometimes refer to them as their brother/sister - that’s fine.
I’m now married and my husband has two adult children. Kids were not raised together or lived together. they refer to them as mums husbands (using his name) kids

Please stop correcting your children OP. They are telling you what words they want to use.

Perhaps your ex is controlling and you feel he is imposing this language to centre himself in your children’s lives. You may be right.

But his children and stepchildren are not to blame, and the kids will have to work out for themselves what relationship they want.

You're a paediatric nurse??
JFC. How do you reconcile your attitude with the values of care and nurturing that come with being a nurse? I wonder if the NMC cannot know how many paed nurses on the Register are pissing all over the Code of Professional Conduct...

Deliberately telling your kids that they cannot refer to step/half siblings is cruel to both sets of kids.
When will step-parents, particularly mothers, move away from the Cinderella trope that you new partner's kids are alien and should never be shown kindness?

Oh yeah just read your last post on this. Gently, it is a you prob, don’t correct them. It used to sting a bit when mine referred to theirs as brother sister but now if they say oh I’ve got 4 siblings, I’d just say (if anyone enquired) oh two are their dads children. Kids are all adults now so unlikely to ever bother me and I’ve met my ex husband kids loads of times now so am fond of them myself. It gives me shivers when I look at our daughter and his, they are so similar, how wonderful is that?

You say you’re not bitter but I cannot imagine another reason why would would want your child to feel like they have no ‘real’ brothers or sisters when they clearly see it that way.
What does it matter to you in the grand scheme of it if they think of them as siblings (which they are)?

My parents have both been married before they met, both have 2 kids from these marriages, am I an only child? No, i have 3 brothers and a sister and if anyone corrected me about it they’d get told where to go. Presumably you want your child’s life full of happiness and love from as many people as possible? Don’t try and create a wedge between your child and their siblings because they’re not yours it’s not right. Accept that they have a wider family now and be grateful it’s more people to love them.

We all have different dads but we all say brother/sister

They are half siblings though!

I don't think you are a psychopath for doing it but you're being pretty mean. And you've probably damaging your own relationship with them.
One of my sisters has a different dad to me but she's still 100% my sister and I'd be pretty annoyed with anyone who thought they had the right to define my relationship with her by "correcting" me that she's my half sister. It would be like they are trying to imply I should love her less than my "full" siblings.
Side note I've never had a relationship with my step siblings and if someone asks if I have siblings it wouldn't even occur to me to mention them.

I regularly refer to my step-dad as my dad. He is my dad and it wouldn't matter if my parents divorced. He would still be in my life.

When I was younger I had step brothers on the side of my biological father. I no longer speak to them (they didn't do anything wrong, I fell out with their mother and we lost contact). When telling stories from my childhood I will generally simply say my brothers, or that I grew up the youngest of 5 etc as that was (one half) of my family dynamic and has shaped me the same way as if they were full blood siblings.

As a teen, I often felt I didn't want to have to explain what was a relatively complicated (especially at the time) family set up to every single person I interacted with during a simple chat about my weekend. Simply using words such as dad, brother etc meant I didn't have to do that. Your child is at an age where they might be feeling similarly self conscious.

Now it really causes zero confusion. I speak to my partner and tell him we are doing xyz with my mum and dad, or that my dad is coming round on Thursday etc - he knows who we are meeting from context half the time, and luckily both men have names so if he's truly stuck he can check by asking oh Rob, or Jim? Easy.

I'm divorced from my stepdaughter's dad. I have been a parent to her for 13 years. She stays at my house half the time she should stay with her dad. Her mum and I took her to a college open day as that's what she wanted. She will always be one of my children. She doesn't call me mum, and she never would as she has a great mum, but she does call me her parent. She refers to her half sisters as sisters. My kids dont think of her as a half sister. She is their sister. I wouldn't police a child's language about their family especially if they are young.

It's divisive to use that term. Technically accurate but divisive. Families are about togetherness.

This is how it works in our family, my husband has half siblings on his mums side and half siblings on his dad’s side and they don’t see each other. In passing we refer to them as Bob’s brother or Bob’s sister, but often have to explain the relationship further as people get confused. Obviously in the family they’re just aunty Jan, or Uncle Dan and we see them at different events and never the same one and it’s clear to our kids the two sides are not really related to each other.

You’re not bitter, but you’re fed up of stopping your child express unconditional love and acceptance.

MUCH better to police their language to a form specifically approved by you rather than them so that they never feel they can relax and express themselves freely.

That will definitely make it easier for them when they go low contact with you in the future. At least they have siblings they can turn to for support.