Half/step siblings

[Pickledeverything]

If your children have half or step siblings do you correct them when they say “brother/sister” so they use the proper term?

YABU - yes I do
YANBU - no I do not

Yes, you are.

And they're also siblings and consider themselves such. Don't add modifiers to other people's families when they don't.

Three of my DC are adopted, but if you interrupt me when I refer to them in conversation as my kids to correct me with "adopted kids" you'll get to mutter about how you were factually correct through a nosebleed.

I think it depends entirely on your family dynamic and how the word makes people feel.

I have siblings with different parents, but would become quite angry if my parents, or anyone, "corrected" me for referring to my sister or brother as "half."

To me, they are my siblings. Fully. I always wanted siblings. I got them. Not half of one. We don't refer to each other in this way. We just say "my sister, my brother" etc.

If you don't want to make your children feel connected, refer to them as half. If you want everyone to feel equally valued, drop the half bit.

YABU

Go with how the kids want to refer to each other. It doesn't have to be technically correct. If anyone is confused and you need to explain you can then use the technical terms in your explanation but no need to correct your children. It's lovely that they are so inclusive.

I really don't think half sibling is an offensive term in itself though I know several people who do. I'm not sure why but I think some mums hate that it "advertises" that they've had kids with more than one man. But there's absolutely no shame in that - maybe it's a lingering Cinderella stigma as another poster said.

I work with a young woman whose parents split up and married other peope. So she has full siblings and then half siblings from both parents. Interestingly she refers to all the mums children as her siblings and when someone asked if the youngest ones were half siblings (there's a really big age gap) she acted like it was a dirty word. But she refers to the half siblings on her dad's side just as "my dad's other children". I suppose she sees her brothers and sisters as the ones in the household where she lives, which kind of makes sense.

If you already know the answer you want, why post this? Or if you're looking for validation, just frame it that way.

wow what a nasty reply!
clearly still the bitter ex after 10 years!

@Pickledeverything while I think you're wrong, it's also interesting. Can I ask, if YOU had gone on to have more children, say you now had a 6 year old with a different dad too, would you insist on those children calling each other half siblings, while living in the same home together? Or is it just to differentiate between the fathers children, or those not living in the same house?

I will also point out that by doing this, and assuming that your son lives with you, you are probably helping to reinforce the idea that he is not part of their 'real' family, and making him feel second tier and like he's a guest in their home, not a family member.

Hang on - isn’t this the opposite of the YABU/ YANBU choices you’ve posed? I clicked YABU because i’d read your responses.

But now i see that your OP implies that it would be UNreasonable to correct then to “step-“, despite the fact you seem to support this?

I think your confusing poll might be more likely to explain the different results than actual support for your batshit views.

My kids have "half" siblings in dads house OW was actually pregnant before he left us but my boys refer to them as brother & sister,& I do too, they don't need to be corrected they know that they are related through dad & if it's ever said about them at appointments I just say to the adult oh yes in daddy's house,no big drama. I let the kids lead it. OW had 2 kids already but my kids see them as friends not siblings & I'm fine with that,I don't force it because they are not technically step as they are not married.

This! Our kids refer to their siblings as siblings most of the time, with no reference to the half or step, but sometimes they'll use it to differentiate when explaining to people. Their relationship, their choice. It would be weird and controlling for me to try to influence that.

If this is even real we know whose children will be going no-contact with her as soon as they can. And I dare say the voting has been intentionally made the way it has to catch posters out.

Bitter and pathetic.

Why on Earth would you do this? Speaking as someone who lived with my brother who had a different father all my life, I would have been very upset indeed if someone had constantly tried to correct me. I also have brothers who have a different mother, who I have never lived with and I never feel the need to label them as anything other than brother - and one of them is technically a step brother. I'm horrified by this. My own daughter has three sisters from a different mother and I cannot imagine correcting her. It's entirely up to her. How utterly mean.

How awful to think that if you had another child yourself they'd have to call it "half" in your house. What a meanie.

Halfsiblings are still siblings, you share 1 parent so that makes you siblings. I would never call them anthing other than my siblings. I have a full sibling and 4 halfsiblings, there's no difference between them. They are all my siblings. My parents partners children are not my siblings and I don't consider them stepsiblings either, they are just the chilfren of my parents partners.

I switched between saying brother and sister and adding the half depending on who I was talking to and the context as they lived with my dad and not in my house. I don’t consider them less than. I don’t recall anyone correcting me.

My youngest baby is a half sister to my 2 older ones and we never refer to her as a half and as my husband treats my older kids as his own and we all live together, separating that isn’t really needed.

My DC have 2 other siblings. Yes, technically they're their Dad's GF's DC. But they live together when they visit their Dad. They share wider family, go to the same schools, play together, and argue, like siblings.

Dad's GF is 'step mum' but usually just referred to by her name. She helps look after my DC when they're there.

The relationships my DC have with Dad's GF and DC are important too, and personal to them. So I follow my DCs lead on which terms to use for them.

@Pickledeverything
I think that the topic is an emotional one and people are obviously answering with that in mind, however could it be to do with the type of person you are?

I am the kind of person who finds stating incorrect information difficult. If I am relating something and feel that an important piece of information is missing I tend to want to slip it in.
I'm the sort of person who corrected my children's grammar when they were young. I would never have been capable as being so laid back as to hear my kids speak a local dialect if it were grammatically incorrect. I do realise that others are capable of being relaxed enough for this to happen and can have the best of both worlds.

However, whilst being ND I am also of reasonable emotional intelligence and therefore realise that being able to be flexible in certain areas, especially those regarding emotions and sense of self is often the best option.

This situation would grate on me too, but I believe it would be beneficial to your child to let them express their feelings of closeness to a person in the way they choose.
Your irritation is less important than their emotional wellbeing.

I am a child of my dad's second marriage.
I grew up with half brothers.
Same house, same surname.
We've never really used the "half".
We're all in our 50s and 60s now.

In my experience, where a parent insists their children refer to "half" or "step" siblings as such, it is usually in an adult-motivated desire to enforce a sense of "real family" and "new family" as different things rather than all being part of the children"s family. This is usually done by the parent who has been left by the other parent.

My older children have half siblings on both sides. They refer to them as their siblings. Now, since my wife left me for a woman with children of her own, my youngest child has step-siblings. I would never insist that any of them call the other children anything other than whatever they want to. They are all part of her family.

My daughter has half siblings on her dad’s side but they are just brothers and sister no half included in the title. My Husband has 2 step sisters and 1 sister so when talking about them the word step is used

My sisters & I are technically half sisters, but ultimately they are my sisters, we are related by blood, I’m not sure everyone needs to know the exact dynamics of our family, our family knows. If something ever comes up like how different we look we might just say ‘different dad’. Pointing out we don’t share one parent all the time would just seem twatty and would also be an unnessisary mouthful, can’t say its ever caused any issues or real confusion. Who are these people and what is being discussed that makes you have to continually point out what the family dynamics are to prevent confusion! I’m pretty sure if your friends know you have 2 kids & they refer to their brothers / sisters they are capable of working out the are clearly on the other parents side, its not difficult.

My sons have different Dads, and likewise it doesn’t stop them being brothers. It doesn’t seem to have caused any problems or confusion with anyone to date.

They say it because they like to feel connected, so let them

DH mother, divorced his F remarried,had son, always referred to as "brother". I had 3 DKs when I met him,had a baby, they all refer to each other as "bro" and "sis", no half anything. The (very rare,) families I have heard refer to half or step,is because of bitterness.

This could be so damaging for all of the children involved. They obviously feel comfortable enough to call them brother/sister so I don’t know what possible reason you could have for wanted to make them feel less important by referring to them as ‘half’ or ‘step’ which I think can often have connotations of them being less part of the family. I talk from experience. I wouldn’t say you are a psychopath but you come across as really unpleasant in this situation.

I don't have children with step/half siblings but I have two step siblings and three half siblings myself.

If mentioning them I'll just say brother/sister (especially for the one brother who feels like a full sibling - the rest I never lived with/much older/live a long distance away). It is usually a case of most people don't need the full info or they already know, so again pointless tagging on the half/step.

When referring to my brother (maternal half sibling - formally adopted by my dad) no one has ever corrected me. Likewise the rest but they don't come up in conversation as much.