Half/step siblings

[Pickledeverything]

If your children have half or step siblings do you correct them when they say “brother/sister” so they use the proper term?

YABU - yes I do
YANBU - no I do not

You’re wrong though.

Half makes no difference for a lot of us. How can you say they will NEVER have as strong as a bond?

My sister and bother are my sister and brother. We all have different fathers and it makes us no less close.

Does the same go for adopted siblings?

Hmmmm, I have (possibly) a weird way of looking at this.

I have 2 sons, different fathers. As they both spent the first 9 months growing in my body they are brothers.

If they have siblings from their father's side, (they both do, never met any of them) they are, at best, half siblings.

Works for me, and them, they certainly consider themselves brothers.

It’s weird to state that it would never be the same as fact, rather than opinion.

The 10 year age gap you have between you and your own half sibling is quite naturally going to be quite a big factor in how close you are or are not. This is true of full siblings with large age gaps too.

I have a few friends whose siblings are technically half. They’re very close, absolutely don’t refer to each other as half siblings. One observation would be that they all share the same mother, the closeness seems lesser though still present, when the siblings only share a father. Perhaps this is related to age and how typical custody arrangements were at the time. I’d guess with 50:50 custody being much more common, the difference between mothers/father children is less these days than it would have been, because upbringings are still being shared.

I have four brothers. Officially, they are not even my step-brothers, they are my ex-step-brothers. But they are still my brothers and have been for over 40 years. Even the one who brings little but trouble to my life. I could no more discount him as a member of my family than I could if he were entirely my own flesh and blood. You make and define your own relationships, regardless of any official language.

They share a parent in both cases so they are half brothers in both cases but if they consider themselves brothers that's what matters. If you adopted a child would you say they aren't siblings because they didn't start in the same womb or testicles and ovaries? Not a nice attitude.

Rubbish. I know plenty of ‘half’ siblings who have normal sibling bonds and there’s no difference than if they were ‘full’. I look very similar to my ‘half’ sibling and we have lots in common, inherited the same sense of humour and similar interests.

I see the opposite on here a lot- parents trying to pretend for themselves that half-siblings are the same as step and of little importance/relevance to their child.

Not my experience. I have 2 children from my first marriage and 2 from my second. The two who are closest have different fathers, the two with the worst relationship have the same father.

My children have an older half sibling from their dad (my ex). I call her their sister, not half sister. They call her their sister. I don’t think we’ve ever used the term half sister, but technically that’s what she is.

Not unusual to consider them brothers as they ARE biological brothers. However, their siblings from their father are the exact same genetic relation as they are to each-other- they share one parent, the same amount of DNA etc etc. I can understand there being zero bond on account of the fact they do not see or know their other siblings.

I have two half brothers, one older on my mum's side and one younger on my dad's. My mum had an acrimonious divorce both times; she cut contact with my older brother. Brother on my dad's side was IVF and donor. My mum constantly corrected us that he wasn't even our brother because he wasn't genetically related. She also wouldnt allow us to call my dad's wife step mum, only that she was his wife, despite her being in our lives since we were young children.

My mum died young, consumed by bitterness. She still referred to my dad's wife as 'that tart' even after they'd been married for twenty years. (BTW it wasn't an affair, and she moved on much quicker than he did)

Don't be like her. It consumed her, and it really affected our relationship with her. Everything was about her, how she felt wronged, how disrespected she felt, how angry she was. It ate her up, and it served no purpose, other than to push everyone else away.

your post is ambiguous. it ssuggests that you think brother/sister is incorrect, and they should use step/half, and you would therefore correct them to add the prefix. However, your reply here implies the opposite. Which is it?

you are wrong.

This is from your thread last year:

“Iv thought about this ever since you posted it and had a little cry this evening.
iv fucked up and it hurts to admit it but the truth is, yes I do tell her that her siblings aren’t her siblings and her step mum isn’t her step mum, because it hurts to think that he’s given her a family and I haven’t yet. I never wanted her to grow up on a split family. When I get angry (not just about this) but it’s like i see red and I can’t calm down and I do get nasty.”

Looking at your previous threads it’s obvious you are still hurt by her father leaving you and I think you need to work through that trauma so you can free yourself and move on.

Holding unto past hurt and truama like this will manifest in other areas of your lives including your current relationship and we can see it is leaking into your child’s relationship with her siblings.

Maybe look into seeing a therapist to talk through what happened, how it affected you and how to let it go.

It’s obvious there are other underlying issues at play and it is not just that you think she should call them step brothers and sisters to avoid confusion, it’s because it triggers something in you and as you said in the quote above you harbor hurt that he was able to give her a family of siblings which you haven’t been able to.

I appreciate that you were able to express how you feel and I will implore you to seek help to dig deeper and work through the issues for your sake, for your daughters sake, for the sake of your current relationship.

Holding unto hurt, anger and trauma like this is unhealthy.

I assumed my way was the right way

This is a terrible way to live your life.

Well done for acknowledging this. Yes, I appreciate that it's painful but I promise that it get's better. Take care of yourself

In my husband's family there are 4 brothers with 3 different fathers. They all refer to themselves as "brothers". Not half brothers.

Not my children specifically but I have a younger "half" brother who is considerably younger than me, he's one of the closest people to me in the world, I was almost like a third parent to him when he was younger as he spent so much time with me and wanted to follow me wherever I went! I would be really upset and somewhat offended if he was referred to as my "half" brother. I feel like it devalues the relationship and makes it feel less significant than if we had the same parents.

I’ve got two half sisters.(different dads) We are all sisters. And one dsis called my Dad Dad(he wasn’t) and other called my mum , mum(she wasn’t).

I have three siblings who are technically half siblings, and one full sibling.

None of us have ever referred to each other as anything other than brother or sister. You sound really unpleasant “correcting” your children like this. Just stop it.

Your child is entitled to a relationship with their full/half/step siblings on their own terms, with their own labelling.

You will come across as bitter, twisted and petty. Chill out and appreciate the good relationships the children have.

@TheignT
They share a parent in both cases so they are half brothers in both cases but if they consider themselves brothers that's what matters. If you adopted a child would you say they aren't siblings because they didn't start in the same womb or testicles and ovaries? Not a nice attitude.

But they haven't ever met their half siblings (no idea how many they have, one father did a runner but I know they have at least 1)

And adoption is totally different and not what we are talking about.

And tbh my attitude is irrelevant - they are adults, the whole family considers them brothers and my eldest considers his 'stepfather' his dad.

Thank you everyone for your opinions, it’s given me a lot to think about and iv clearly not been going about things the right way. I honestly assumed I was right and everyone else in split family’s also did this and my ex kicked off at me for the correcting so I just wanted to prove I wasn’t alone but I am clearly. It’s hard when you’re hurt but I will try not to do it anymore

@Pickledeverything can you explain why this hurts you? We might be able to help. You split up ten years ago so I am assuming it’s not that you are still in love with your ex?

No im not still in love with him, I guess I never got the life I thought i deserve. We had a shit marriage and he seems so happy now and they have everything I ever wanted and I don’t understand why he wasn’t like that with me

Please please please I beg you work on your issues. If only for the sake of your relationship with your daughter. This bitterness will damage things in the long run the older she gets. Please don't fall into the trap my mother did. I unfortunately had to go nc with my own mother when she decided her own feelings and her issues and insecurities were more important then me and my new born baby making choices that broke the camels back.

Oh you do sound sad. You need to separate his/their life from yours though. You have no control over his life, only your own.

What changes would you like to make? Big and small. Make a plan.

If you really would like a new partner, what do you need to organise to achieve that?

Better job? Nicer clothes? More friends? Eating more healthily?

The internet (not social media) is brilliant for getting useful info on how to achieve your goals. Maybe think about it this weekend and start a thread in chat. I am sure people will help.

You have wasted too much time being sad and angry. It’s time to claim your life back.