Page 12 | Half/step siblings

Pickledeverything · 2025-02-19T23:23:51+00:00

If your children have half or step siblings do you correct them when they say “brother/sister” so they use the proper term? YABU - yes I do YANBU - no I do not

FaithFables · 20/02/2025 12:01

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 02:09

That’s just weird though. You’re not his child why would he do that what if your mum and him split up? He’d forever have some random kids name on his arm and have to explain that to his next partner

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You're completely incapable of empathy, aren't you?

FaithFables · 20/02/2025 12:41

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 01:47

We’ve been split up ten years and child in question is 12 so I’m not bitter. Just factual. I bet all of you who are moaning would also not be happy with your kids calling your ex’s gf their step mum. Because she’s not, she’s daddy’s gf ffs

How long has he been with his GF? If it's months then I see your point, if it's years YABU.

PinkyFlamingo · 20/02/2025 12:48

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 02:09

That’s just weird though. You’re not his child why would he do that what if your mum and him split up? He’d forever have some random kids name on his arm and have to explain that to his next partner

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That's a nasty thing to say about a relationship between two people that mean something, blood doesn't matter ...random kid?!

HaddyAbrams · 20/02/2025 12:54

Everlore · 20/02/2025 10:31

I have no step-siblings but have four half-siblings. My parents had each been married before and both had children from their previous marriages. I was the only child they had together and all my siblings were young adults when I was born.
My mum made a point of making a distinction between her children and my dad's children, encouraging me to consider her children as my 'real' siblings and my dad's children as lesser members of the family. She was an excellent mother but a terrible step-mother who resented the fact that my dad had been married before an attempted to ruin his relationship with his children and mine with my siblings from his side.
Her insistance on making sure I knew that my dad's children were only half-siblings, and therefore not my real siblings, caused multiple problems for us groing up and I was only really able to form a proper relationship with them when I was a teenager and able to make my own decisions about spending time with them. Luckily, I have an excellent relationship with all of my siblings as an adult, despite my mum's attempt to scupper it. My two sets of half-siblings do not get along with each other and so I have to mix with both sides of the family separately. I think this is because my mum did her best to persuade her children that they were superior to their step-siblings and her daughter, in particular, is jealous of any time my DD and I spend with the sister from my dad's first marriage.
To summarise, if you want to ensure your child has a complicated and potentially difficult relationship with their siblings and possibly that they also end up resenting you for making such petty corrections constantly then by all means continue to correct them and enforce the idea that, despite sharing a parent and presumably a warm relationship with their siblings,, their half-siblings are not their proper siblings. I'm not sure why you'd want to do anything so unkind and disruptive to your kid, but each to their own.
I'd guess this is more to do with a troubled relationship you have with your child's dad and resentment towards his new family rather than a passion for correct language-use, especially since I imagine your kid is completely aware of family dynamics and are actively choosing to use the language they do when referring to their siblings. If this is the case it's pretty immature to take your own personal grievances wit h your ex out on your child and their siblings and attempt to police their language.

Your mum sounds like my DCs "step-mum" (they don't refer to her has that, she doesn't deserve the title). But if they dared to refer to their half-siblings as "siblings" she'd make sure they corrected it to half-siblings. Heaven forbid they should feel part of the same family!

motheroflittledragon · 20/02/2025 12:54

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 02:09

That’s just weird though. You’re not his child why would he do that what if your mum and him split up? He’d forever have some random kids name on his arm and have to explain that to his next partner

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A child whom I assume if she means enough to him to get her name tattooed on and help raise is not some random child

motheroflittledragon · 20/02/2025 12:57

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 01:47

We’ve been split up ten years and child in question is 12 so I’m not bitter. Just factual. I bet all of you who are moaning would also not be happy with your kids calling your ex’s gf their step mum. Because she’s not, she’s daddy’s gf ffs

I would see it as a sign that they obviously feel loved and cared for enough to see her as that. I can't believe how fragile your ego is. This should be about the kids and them feeling like a full member of the family on both sides.

OneShoeShort · 20/02/2025 12:58

FaithFables · 20/02/2025 12:41

How long has he been with his GF? If it's months then I see your point, if it's years YABU.

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From a previous (rather insane) thread of OP’s… this is dad’s wife with whom he has two children plus his wife has a daughter from a previous relationship. OP also has a live-in partner she leaves her daughter with regularly.

Niknakcake · 20/02/2025 13:13

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 00:20

Ok but I don’t want them to say brother and sister in my house, they’ve been told and still continue to do it. Am I the “psychopath” for correcting them??

Yes

RitaIncognita · 20/02/2025 13:17

BansheeOfTheSouth · 20/02/2025 02:26

They've been divorced many years. He's still my dad.

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Similar for me. My father and stepmother were divorced. I still had a relationship with her until her death, which my father encouraged. Her children with my father are my siblings. I have never called them "half."

mandi73 · 20/02/2025 13:38

I have 5 children, the 3 youngest are full siblings, the 2 older are half siblings to each other and the younger 3.
My oldest DS has a sibling on his dad's side, when he asks how many siblings he just says 4 sisters and one brother
My oldest DD has 2 siblings on her dads side but when asked she just says she has 3 sisters and 3 brothers.
My husbands family include my older children in the niece/nephew count because they consider them family regardless of bloodline.
Thay are siblings.......end of. No half measures here.

Tandora · 20/02/2025 13:47

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 00:12

My child talks about their “brothers and sisters” often. They don’t have brothers and sisters. They have step brothers and half sisters. I’m sick of constantly having to correct them and then explain to other people the family dynamic because they are obviously confused. Several people agree with me as shown in my poll. They just haven’t spoken up yet.

They are 12! They are not “confused” , they see their half and step siblings as siblings (which they are) and don’t feel the need to qualify that statement with information about biology to create distance.
It’s a shame that you can’t accept your child’s family, but it’s very wrong of you to make that so apparent to your child, and try to force them to feel the same distance you feel.

SemperIdem · 20/02/2025 13:52

Op - I commented on your thread last year. It is good to see that you have stuck to enabling contact between your daughter and her father, as that was what you were struggling with then due to your feelings of jealousy over him providing a “family unit” and you feeling that you had not done the same.

You were really receptive to people’s responses on that thread. Can you not see, based on the responses here, that you are not being rational in your thinking about this?

Foison · 20/02/2025 13:57

Hrtft

But. My 3 have 2 half siblings. I only ever bother to clarify to randoms if I need to point out the late 20s early 30s siblings aren't actually mine! If it is a passing comment it takes too much time to explain the whole family history - what is the point?

Otherwise I like that they view each other as siblings - I hope they will stay close as adults & have each other's backs when their dad and I & dSC's mum have gone!

I have a step-sister, in name only, we've barely met as adults and didn't grow up together - we never talk and I never mention her. I don't like her much and can't stand her mother so... no ties! If the step mother and step sister had been completely different people - maybe I'd be talking about "my sister", who knows!! But that is my choice. I think it should be your DCs choice.

SeeseeR · 20/02/2025 13:59

Step siblings should not be calling themselves anything but step siblings.

Half siblings are different. I don't think constantly pointing out or correcting children about one of them being a half is particularly kind. However, parents who actively pretend like the half makes no difference do so for themselves. It is like they don't want to admit or accept that a child will never have as strong a bond with a half sibling as they would with their full sibling.

CarWatcher · 20/02/2025 14:11

I voted the wrong way as the voting is confusing. I suspect most people struggle with your stance.

motheroflittledragon · 20/02/2025 14:23

SeeseeR · 20/02/2025 13:59

Step siblings should not be calling themselves anything but step siblings.

Half siblings are different. I don't think constantly pointing out or correcting children about one of them being a half is particularly kind. However, parents who actively pretend like the half makes no difference do so for themselves. It is like they don't want to admit or accept that a child will never have as strong a bond with a half sibling as they would with their full sibling.

Excuse me??? Why on earth would you think the children won't form as close of a bond? Trust me kids don't give a toss about full/half/step it's grown-ups with fragile egos that get hung up on it.

I had a lovely friend who as well as her two younger sisters were all adopted. They only referred to each other as sisters.

It's frankly weird to insist a child see it as anything other then siblings

Immo8 · 20/02/2025 14:23

This poster is clearly very resentful. You only have to search their username to see that. This is a post they made about her daughter's Dad wanting to see her more...

"Because he’s her dad and he’s always been allowed to have her 2 nights a week and now he’s saying he wants 50/50. I don’t believe any mum on this site would allow their ex to have their kids 50/50."

SemperIdem · 20/02/2025 14:31

@SeeseeR is there any particular reason for your weird take on half sibling relationships?

Original poster

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 14:42

SemperIdem · 20/02/2025 13:52

Op - I commented on your thread last year. It is good to see that you have stuck to enabling contact between your daughter and her father, as that was what you were struggling with then due to your feelings of jealousy over him providing a “family unit” and you feeling that you had not done the same.

You were really receptive to people’s responses on that thread. Can you not see, based on the responses here, that you are not being rational in your thinking about this?

Yes obviously, I suppose I assumed my way was the right way and everyone else was the same but clearly I was wrong on that and am going to have to rethink what I say but it’s just shit

OP posts:

SeeseeR · 20/02/2025 14:45

motheroflittledragon · 20/02/2025 14:23

Excuse me??? Why on earth would you think the children won't form as close of a bond? Trust me kids don't give a toss about full/half/step it's grown-ups with fragile egos that get hung up on it.

I had a lovely friend who as well as her two younger sisters were all adopted. They only referred to each other as sisters.

It's frankly weird to insist a child see it as anything other then siblings

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Frankly, I think it is weird to police how a child views their own sibling relationships by assuming they should just accept step or half siblings as full. I have a half sibling who is 10 year younger than me and my full sibling. There is no comparison in terms of our bond.

'Trust me kids don't give a toss about full/half/step'
Not all children are the same and not all circumstances are the same. Age gaps between siblings who lives with who plays an enormous factor in this.

'it's grown-ups with fragile egos that get hung up on it.'
I agree! That is why so many are adamant about promoting that THIER children feel no difference between siblings when THIER children may and often do feel differently.

I'm sorry but there is no way a child should see a step sibling in the same light as a full sibling. Just because a person with kids marries someone else with kids and force them all to live together it doesn't make them siblings.

HaddyAbrams · 20/02/2025 14:46

@Pickledeverything I get it. Honestly, I do. My ex (we split partly because he didn't want more DC and I did) has gone to to marry and have more DC. I've been too busy raising the ones we had together to be able to have done that.

I get that it hurts, I get the resentment. But none of that is the DCs fault. Their relationship with their siblings, be they step or half, is important. And I'd never try and make it seem less just because they only share one parent. Or none in the steps case.

SeeseeR · 20/02/2025 14:48

SemperIdem · 20/02/2025 14:31

@SeeseeR is there any particular reason for your weird take on half sibling relationships?

How is it a weird take to accept children who share the same parents and grew up in the same household with those parents for a period of time will inevitably have a stronger bond than a child that comes along after the breakdown of their family. It's weird to think children are not affected by this.

motheroflittledragon · 20/02/2025 14:50

SeeseeR · 20/02/2025 14:45

Frankly, I think it is weird to police how a child views their own sibling relationships by assuming they should just accept step or half siblings as full. I have a half sibling who is 10 year younger than me and my full sibling. There is no comparison in terms of our bond.

'Trust me kids don't give a toss about full/half/step'
Not all children are the same and not all circumstances are the same. Age gaps between siblings who lives with who plays an enormous factor in this.

'it's grown-ups with fragile egos that get hung up on it.'
I agree! That is why so many are adamant about promoting that THIER children feel no difference between siblings when THIER children may and often do feel differently.

I'm sorry but there is no way a child should see a step sibling in the same light as a full sibling. Just because a person with kids marries someone else with kids and force them all to live together it doesn't make them siblings.

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Of course age plays a big role. But do you think a child who gained a 4 year old step sibling when they were 2 would see the sibling as anything other then their sibling? Or a 3 year old who gained a half sibling. Of course if there is a 10 year age gap or step siblings happen well into their teens that is different. Key is it is up to the CHILD not the adults how they view a sibling

SeeseeR · 20/02/2025 14:57

motheroflittledragon · 20/02/2025 14:50

Of course age plays a big role. But do you think a child who gained a 4 year old step sibling when they were 2 would see the sibling as anything other then their sibling? Or a 3 year old who gained a half sibling. Of course if there is a 10 year age gap or step siblings happen well into their teens that is different. Key is it is up to the CHILD not the adults how they view a sibling

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'Key is it is up to the CHILD not the adults how they view a sibling.'
I agree! That is my whole point.

You were the one who so vehemently exclaimed;
'Excuse me???'
and
'Trust me kids don't give a toss about full/half/step'

You literally did assume how children should view their siblings.

motheroflittledragon · 20/02/2025 15:01

SeeseeR · 20/02/2025 14:57

'Key is it is up to the CHILD not the adults how they view a sibling.'
I agree! That is my whole point.

You were the one who so vehemently exclaimed;
'Excuse me???'
and
'Trust me kids don't give a toss about full/half/step'

You literally did assume how children should view their siblings.

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Sorry I assumed in your post that you were implying that unless blood related it is impossible for kids to form as close of a bond as with a full sibling. With your situation a 10 year age gap of course it is not as close of a bond but that is likely more due to the age gap then blood connections.