Half/step siblings

[Pickledeverything]

If your children have half or step siblings do you correct them when they say “brother/sister” so they use the proper term?

YABU - yes I do
YANBU - no I do not

Yes. Tough shit that you don't like it. They get to define their family, not you.

Fucking hell how unpleasant are you?

Plenty of people essentially take on step children as their own when they get together with someone.

Clearly that poster sees this man as her father and in the event he and her mum split would continue to have a relationship with him.

There are plenty of people who continue to see the step kids who they have raised as their own after a relationship ends.

I can understand, but it isnot OK to take it out on children. Harem or not, the children deserve to feel secure in their family.

I feel we should be clear that it's totally fine for kids to refer to their half and step siblings as half and step if that's what they want to do.

Adults insisting kids feel connections that they don't is really shitty too, and much more common in my experience.

I bet all of you who are moaning would also not be happy with your kids calling your ex’s gf their step mum. Because she’s not, she’s daddy’s gf ffs
No she’s not. She’s his partner and the mother of her siblings.

If they live together, if she’s been in her life for a long time, then she’s a step mum whether you like it or not.

My DC refer to my ex’s DP as their stepmum. I can’t abide the woman for various reasons but that doesn’t alter the facts..

Equally they refer to my DP as their stepdad. We don’t live together but we’ve been together for 12 years. I’ve never put the idea into their head, they have come about it themselves and it’s not for me to question.

My husband has always referred to his half brother, as brother. But his steps as step brothers. He calls his step dad by his name. I think it's up to them to call them by the words they feel are appropriate. It could be they feel closer to some siblings than others as they get on more, or share a home? Personally I'd just want them to say brother/sister, explaining half/step seems unnecessary to me!

OP said further upthread that she’s lived with these children all her life…

But the OP’s previous threads are worth reading as well.. She won’t allow her DD to go to her father’s at weekends, only two nights a week. If she goes out she gets her partner to look after DD as opposed to her father. He was going to take her to court for 50/50 last year. Personally I’d encourage him to go for full residency.

But within OPs house, I do feel it's fair enough for her to factually state that the steps/halves are steps/halves.

She isn't factually stating it though. She's constantly correcting, which is different.

From the daughter's lived experience, she has siblings who live in daddy's house who all just get to be siblings and she is separated from that.

Physically, it can't be helped because they live in diffeent houses.

Emotionally, though, this gap is bridged for the daughter by referring to them as her siblings. She knows they are technically half siblings but that doesn't matter to her because they are still her siblings.

Dropping the half makes them feel closer to her and increases her sense of belonging and family. This will all benefit the daughter.

None of this is a threat to the OP. However, trying to drive a wedge in between the relationship by constantly correcting her will build a resentment within her daughter as she grows and may well leave her with issues around her own sense of self and self worth which would need addressing in the future and that could well impact on the OP's relationship with her daughter in the future. All l to appease the OP's ego, which sounds harsh but that's what it's about. Not whether the daughter's description is biologically factual or not. None of this will benefit the daughter.

Her feelings around this are something the OP.needs to manage and address herself and not by controlling her daughter's language.

OP said further upthread that she’s lived with these children all her life…

In that case, there's no justification.

My mother's half-brother's daughter.

Eh? I don’t get the last bit ? Why would anyone think his half sister is his kid.

I suspect the poster means that people might assume that she’s his daughter given the age gap.

A friend’s DS spent the weekend with his sister at UNi, he was something like 3 and she was 18/19 and she had numerous people ask if he was her child.

Your update changes things.

I don’t correct my dd if she says “I’m going to see my sister” to me because I know the dynamic. To someone who doesn’t know the dynamic I do interject because… maybe I’m a dick… idk….. but I add half sibling because I have been asked why all my children do not live with me. I have 1 dd and she has 3 siblings. So the idea that 3 of my children live elsewhere does make me feel judged. My dd can refer to her siblings however she wants.

Ohhhh yes yes that makes sense .. thanks

I have no step-siblings but have four half-siblings. My parents had each been married before and both had children from their previous marriages. I was the only child they had together and all my siblings were young adults when I was born.
My mum made a point of making a distinction between her children and my dad's children, encouraging me to consider her children as my 'real' siblings and my dad's children as lesser members of the family. She was an excellent mother but a terrible step-mother who resented the fact that my dad had been married before an attempted to ruin his relationship with his children and mine with my siblings from his side.
Her insistance on making sure I knew that my dad's children were only half-siblings, and therefore not my real siblings, caused multiple problems for us groing up and I was only really able to form a proper relationship with them when I was a teenager and able to make my own decisions about spending time with them. Luckily, I have an excellent relationship with all of my siblings as an adult, despite my mum's attempt to scupper it. My two sets of half-siblings do not get along with each other and so I have to mix with both sides of the family separately. I think this is because my mum did her best to persuade her children that they were superior to their step-siblings and her daughter, in particular, is jealous of any time my DD and I spend with the sister from my dad's first marriage.
To summarise, if you want to ensure your child has a complicated and potentially difficult relationship with their siblings and possibly that they also end up resenting you for making such petty corrections constantly then by all means continue to correct them and enforce the idea that, despite sharing a parent and presumably a warm relationship with their siblings,, their half-siblings are not their proper siblings. I'm not sure why you'd want to do anything so unkind and disruptive to your kid, but each to their own.
I'd guess this is more to do with a troubled relationship you have with your child's dad and resentment towards his new family rather than a passion for correct language-use, especially since I imagine your kid is completely aware of family dynamics and are actively choosing to use the language they do when referring to their siblings. If this is the case it's pretty immature to take your own personal grievances wit h your ex out on your child and their siblings and attempt to police their language.

Yes. Why does it matter? Make your child feel like they've said something wrong to protect your precious feelings? Your kid has brothers and sister. Let her call her siblings what she wants, it has exactly 0 to do with you.

I have no step/half siblings but my DH has 2 and just calls them siblings not step or half siblings because why the fuck does it matter?

You can't control this forever so you need to get over it.

There is nothing wrong with the OP explaining the actual terms step/half sister/brother to their child in regards to the relationship the child has with them. However, to "constantly correct" the child when they use the terms they have chosen to use, ie sister/brother is rather nasty. Also, it's absolutely pointless as the child continues to ignore the OP.
There is nothing to suggest that "harem" scenario you is what the OP is upset about or that any part of it is true.
I believe that it is the OP's child who should be shown sensitively and by the OP themselves.

I wonder if the op had another baby she would insist on DD calling this baby her "half" brother or sister all the time....

@0ohLarLar Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged Because he's 18 and sister is 4. Quite a number of his school friends now have their own kids! But yes, it was tongue in cheek 😜

Other then for obvious medical reasons like if there was a genetic issue why would you draw the distinction between full, half or even step especially where young children are involved.

It's pathetic how fragile some egos are on here that they feel the need to score petty points by stating "facts" when it should be about the children and the relationship with THEIR family.

Half siblings are different to step siblings though, they share one parent with you. All of my sisters are half sisters (2 with the same dad and 2 with the same mum) but I refer to them as my sisters. I wouldn't refer to my stepdads kids as my siblings though but then we've never had a relationship, I think it would be different if they were step siblings who are close.
I wouldn't correct them though, it's up to them.

This. I often see ‘half’ being used interchangeably with ‘step’ on mumsnet especially on the blended families threads. I find it strange as they are completely different. My ‘half’ brother is my biological sibling, we look really similar, share a parent and grandparents etc. it was would be weird to see it the same as a step-sibling.

I completely get that and I do think large factor is the age of the child and other siblings involved. Like with you of course you would correct people if you view that set of siblings differently. But I think the important thing is it is coming from the child not the parent if that makes sense

YABU

I refer to my stepsons as my kids brothers, my daughter always corrects me and says "half brothers"
My own half brother I've only ever referred to as my brother. My stepsister however I call my stepsister, probably because I only became stepsister at age 21