We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

@MuskIsACnt wowsers I did not know that!

Boomer here, both my parents worked as did the parents of all my mates. We worked and continued to do so when we had our kids. Never knew any STAH mums, though I did know a STAH dad because it made economic sense for his higher earning partner to work when their kids were pre-school. Never known anything other than having a strong work ethic and paying my way.

I do find people who use that phrase odd. Why focus on what your kids are loosing rather than just saying how much you're enjoying retirement, spending your hard earned cash and some well deserved holidays. A lot of people probably just repeating a phrase they've heard. Some people unfortunately probably use the phrase to provoke a reaction.

There are 2 issues. One is what parents do for their children when they are children. The other is what they do for them when they’re established adults.

My children are teens and young adults, all still in education. We pay for most of what they need, although the older ones work part time around their studies. We paid for driving lessons, a car, insurance, pay their tuition fees, uni rent etc and we will help them when they want to buy their own property. After that though, we shall be spending our money on ourselves so ‘spending their inheritance’ I suppose. I see it as something that is said as a joke. Once our children are working full time, they can support themselves and our money is for us to spend on whatever we wish. If they’re ever in trouble then of course we will help out, but we shall be spending without thinking we shouldn’t because it’s their inheritance. We are allowed to enjoy life!

@BettyBardMacDonald yes, do you understand the maths? 5% of a big number isn't necessarily different to a higher percentage of a lower number.

Taking into account salaries and house prices today’s interest rates are accepted to be having a greater impact on those borrowing a mortgage.

Yes that's right.

Not all are. Lots of that generation are, but not all.

Me, and my peers share very similar experiences of our boomer parents.

The selfishness totally comes down to the individual. Some have helped with childcare , some haven't. None of them did much after we were 17-18, because they'd "done their time." But it's the widespread denial that they haven't been insanely lucky with the housing market, and somehow it's their shrewd planning and generally being harder working, better people that have resulted in the size of their pots. It's not far off a lottery winner telling someone, "if you just worked as hard as I did, no one helped me out..
"

It’s not their kids’ inheritance if they’re spending it then, is it?

What’s the point really, they’re getting older, I love them, but I parent very differently and i’m proud of myself

Taking into account salaries and house prices today’s interest rates are accepted to be having a greater impact on those borrowing a mortgage.

makes sense

It's fine to an extent.. it's their money they've earnt to enjoy as they please.. however I do agree with you I can't understand the length some parents go to.
My own for instance. My dad was a wealthy man.. far wealthier than I'll ever be but when he died there was hardly anything left to the extent I had to max out my own credit cards sorting his estate and helping my mum. And then when she was sorted instead of helping me in any way she spent thousands of the payout she got on nonsense.. and I'm really talking stuff that's not important..
Now she's complaining to me she wants to go on holiday and acting like she expects me to pay as she's spent all her money..
She also cancelled her life insurance despite seeing me max out credit cards paying for my dad's funeral.

I can't imagine being like this with my children. At the very least I'd not want them to be struggling to care for me financially when I'd been in a much higher earning bracket.
Not so much about inheritance but about making sure I've properly planned for the future.. both for my old age and for my children's future

They’ve certainly taught you how to be bitter not be a prick and watch my children struggle.

There. Fixed it for you.

tell me you're a boomer without...

I find anyone that has the belief parenting stops, or their responsibility ends, when their child is eighteen or moved out hard to stand. I had parents that did less than the bare minimum, but even my abusive mother doesn’t view her job as done because I’m an adult, and we are no contact.

I think giving kids everything, spoiling them and putting them 1st at all costs, as well as never learning to lose anymore, is leading to a lot of entitled young adults. (Not all, obviously).

This seems about right and what I hope to do too

Well there's a balance. I'm similar I was never given money for a house deposit or anything but my mum taught me to save and the value of money. We will do help our kids but they have to do chores for pocket money. I remember my mum never took me anywhere on weekends as she wanted to have a lie in. I always prioritise my kids sports events on the weekends although it takes up a lot of time it's good for them so I don't begrudge it. I would not pay to put my kids through uni, I don't have the money for that and it's their choice If they want to go there. I would help with a second hand car to run around in but I'd expect my kids to have part time jobs whilst studying. I don't think it's good to do everything for your kids they will not learn anything this way.

Higher figures, higher earnings.

It's a running joke in my family. When Mum hesitates about spending on something she'll really enjoy we tell her to go and spend our inheritance. She's not madly rich, but she earned it and we want her to enjoy life as much as possible.

Higher earnings? I wish

metro.co.uk/2023/06/22/analysis-why-homeowners-have-it-worse-now-than-boomers-did-in-the-1980s-18998055/amp/

Virtually everything I had went on the kids when they were growing up. They are now living independent, grown up lives. I am always happy to help out whenever they need it but if I discovered they were grudging me having holidays and dental work I was paying for with my hard-earned money I would be both angry and astonished.

Advice to my parents…spend it, enjoy it while you can.

My MiL’s life ended with four years of care home fees at £5,500 per month. All spent at a time when she had no idea of where she was.

She could have had so much more fun before that.

This is what people don't get though - it's not that people feel entitled or expect their parents inheritance, it's the rudeness of sitting at the dining table when literally no one is talking about it and the in-laws say 'we've booked a holiday to XYZ' and we all smile and say 'oh lovely! when do you go?' And the response is - BECAUSE WE'RE LEAVING NOTHING TO YOU. WE ARE SPENDING IT ALL. WE HAVE SAID WE ARE DETERMINED TO SPEND IT ALL AND WE WILL HAVE FAILED IF THERE'S ANYTHING LEFT OVER TO GIVE YOUUUUU. We go in June. First class. BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING A PENNY'.

'Ok, Susan that's nice - would you like more potatoes with the roast I've just cooked you?'

That's what we have issue with. How are you even supposed to reply to that? Why even say it? What do they hope to gain?

Indeed, I lost my job when I got pregnant, these days this would rightly cause outrage, it happened a lot to us boomers. We were also the ones who were really active about issues such as sexual violence, anti-racism and domestic violence. I used to go on Reclaim the Night marches, was active in opposing the National Front and apartheid. We are not all greedy, selfish, thick raging right wingers who can't turn on a computer

Higher figures, higher earnings.

The gulf is bigger though? And my point was about interest rates.

"Millennials looking to buy a home face prices that are now at least 14 times higher than when baby boomers tried to get on the property ladder in the late 1970s. But average wages have risen at less than half the pace of runaway house prices in recent decades, rising less than seven times over since 1979."

Also, none of my friends mums worked growing up, they did the school run, did a step video at home, watched some soaps, walked to the very local shop, prepared an easy dinner…maybe Findus crispy pancakes, chips & beans or chivken kievs, chips and beans..all shoved in the oven, reading book then trotted us off to bed.
Generally no full time working, trying to balance that with cleaning, bills, school, driving to clubs, cooking healthy food from scratch, food shop etc etc …weekends, maybe a trip to the shopping centre then left to our own devices all weekend…I so wish this was my life as a mum now