I don't want my friend to see my house

[CrossCountryWoosh]

I bought a house 20 years ago. There ended up being a lot of unexpected work, bad workmen, and life happened, babies, relationships ended, wage cuts and health challenges all of which mean that the house is still an absolute mess. Stuff I did manage to do eg a new kitchen now need replacing. Last year I finally got enough money to replaster my bedroom after living with bare bricks/half plastered for 20 years. I was so excited! Still no carpet but it was nicely decorated. Only now the wallpaper needs to come down because it's got mould.
Now the boiler is on its last legs so that needs replacing before I can look to decorate my bedroom again. You get the idea.
I know I am lucky to have a house that is safe and affordable but I'm ashamed that it's such a state. My 15 year old son won't have friends round because of it. Admittedly he reckons that all his friends have their own private balconies and live in 7 bed houses so I would never live up to his expectations anyway! FYI his room has always been prioritised.
So now an old friend is coming over from abroad for work. She wants to visit me while she's in the country. She keeps pushing to see my house. I have said absolutely no to her staying here to try to put her off but she has been sending me links to local hotels. I'd love to see her but I don't want her to see how we have to live. I have stayed with her a couple of times for holidays so I do feel unreasonable. I have said the house is a work in progress but she doesn't care and has been very clear she wants a nosey. That would be fine if my house was scruffy but had carpets, door handles and walls that weren't chipped and curtains that haven't been ripped by the dog...
It's clean and tidy but still so, so embarrassing.
I'm doing my best but finances, energy and everytime I do something it never works out.

Ok. This isn't meant to sound snippy but I know it will. Moving is absolutely not an option.

My house would sell quickly even in it's current state because of the postcode. It's a desirable area.

However, my house is cheap even done up. House prices in the area (even in the houses worth 10x mine a few streets away) haven't moved much. Mine has gone up about 30% in 20 years.

A few years ago I got the house valued for a mortgage. It was worth half of the price of my house in good condition. I've since had new windows and doors, a new bathroom, the attic boarded, fenced the garden, new kitchen doors, my room plastered etc so although I don't think the value would be so low this time, it would still be too low to be an option.

The reason is because what I could buy for that money is worse than I already have. I would be moving from an embarrassing house in a good area where our lives are to a flat in a dodgy (unsafe?) area away from our lives. That simply isn't an option.

Moving forward, I've decided the tiny hall is something I can finish cheaply for a boost as a self enclosed project. I have found somewhere that will deliver a small amount of plaster for a reasonable cost. It's a tiny room so I'll be able to get some lino offcut from somewhere if I'm not picky. As someone said. It will take a few weeks for the plaster to go off so I'm sure someone will have some paint lying around between now amd then. RIP Wilko. Bags of plaster go OOD super quickly so I won't be able to put it off either.

@roastdinnersmellsnice there is one of those places by me but the man who runs it, is not someone I want to deal with tbh. Thank you for the suggestion.

Op we ripped up carpet and ours are mostly ok expect board where fire place was chip board and a few going strange ways we just painted the lots and put a large rug down same with stairs.
No carpet and ones it's painted looks so so much better.
On concrete s can get that fake wood floor in pretend blocks can't remember bake

@CrossCountryWoosh this makes sense. Have you got someone lined up to do the plastering?

Our stairs are painted and they are out slippery at all, thousands have painted stairs and they are not slippery.
If my dc go elsewhere they slip down carpet stairs!
Painting stairs is so quick turn it doesn't matter what's underneath

Just tell her you are refurbishing again x

My house is not good looking because there are too many things in it and they are placed in a mess. If my friends want to come, although I am a little reluctant to let them see such a messy environment, I will try my best to tidy it up and bring them over, and they don’t complain.

Unfortunately not. The only person we could get to do any plastering for us at all, quoted a stupid price because although it's small, it's an awkward shape with lots of corners and windows.

It had rough bare bricks but isn't big enough for board. I've already put browning up. Not very well but it's up. So I need to look at how much I need to tidy that up. Then I need to learn to plaster. 😒

Maybe I was using particularly slippery paint on the stairs or something then.
Or it was maybe the super shiny new MDF?
I don't know, but it was definitely slippy.

OP it's absolutely fair enough to say no visitors it's your house. Just sending you warm wishes. We grew up in a Victorian renovation property but we relied on having a tradesman dad who did loads of work. It's very difficult to get decent tradesmen in many areas at the minute. It's also hard to find the energy with any ongoing illness. Do what you can but go easy on yourself.

@CrossCountryWoosh good luck. I've heard plastering is one of the harder DIY jobs to do, maybe join one of the Facebook DIY groups to get tips. I've seen a tip before that you should practice on a different disposable surface first, not on the actual wall as you're unlikely to get it right straight away.

By the way I had painted stairs and kept slipping on them. After banging my head really nastily I got a carpet runner put down, have never slipped since.

https://communityrepaint.org.uk/ Worth a look locally? x

Bugger. Bugger. Bugger.
Friend was due to visit the uk in August.
We messaged last night and I said how much I was looking forward to time off next week but didn't know what I was going to do and didnt want to waste it.

She messaged me this morning:
Eeeeeee guess what? I'm visiting you next week. I was looking at flights for the wedding and found some really cheap flights and a hotel next week so SURPRISE! Arrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hahaha. Could you manage to squeeze me in? I will find stuff to do by myself but we cud spend time together too. That way we get to see each other which will be WONDERFUL and I finally get to see your house. You have been there so long it's about time. I will fit around you so you have private time hahaha I'm staying at... tell me it isn't full of drug dealers. I thought we could do a trail one day but we need to decide if I need to pack my boots. I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE U it has been so so long. Eeeeeeeeeee!

I've not replied yet.

If I wasn't worried about my house, I would love that she did this so I'm not angry about the surprise. Someone said I need have boundaries. My boundary is no house visit. As you can see, she is quite insistent. I really want to see her. But I would rather not see her than have her in my house. I'm also worried that she'll turn up on my doorstep.
I can't say I've had to temporarily move out etc because of the time frames and she'll want to help.

I have however had plaster delivered and found my gorilla bucket and equipment. I will be sanding browning and prepping today.

@CrossCountryWoosh Due to your recent update I think now is the time to be honest with her about your house. Tell her that it has been a bigger project than you had anticipated. Tell her you love her and would love to see her, but tell her what you’ve said here - that you would rather not have her in your house at the moment. Tell her you are doing some work on it at the moment which is causing it to be in a state - send her photos of the bit that you are plastering and photos of the bag of plaster to highlight your point - but not the parts you are uncomfortable about showing.
I think it’s all you can do now with this last minute visit.

I agree - it's time to be honest. Send your friend some photos - I would!

I would come clean. She will think she's not welcome in your house. Is the state of your house more important than your friend to you?

Sad update if anyone cares.
Just after the above my friend's Dad died. He had been ill but it wasnt expecyed any time soon. 😪

She is still coming to the UK but I'll be driving down to Cornwall to be with her while she sorts things out. I am so, so sad for her.

Her Dad was grumpy man but was no nonsense and dependable. When I was 17 I missed the last train from somewhere 50miles from home. I sent a panicky text to my friend asking what I should do. As soon as her Dad saw the text he was in his car coming to collect me. I would never have dreamt of it but it didn't even cross his mind not to. Someone was in trouble, he could help so he did.

I loved her Dad. 😪

RIP Di. Don't forget your glasses!

That's a very sad update. He sounds like a lovely man.

You're a good friend, and I hope your presence will bring comfort. Sorry for your loss.

x

@LlamaDharma Thank you for the mention of Freegle. My brother, an IT bod, is CEO and set up and runs the website.

A real friend won't care about your house. They want to see you and catch up. Hope you have a great time and catch up.

So sorry to hear your update.

Do please just be honest with your friend. And seriously just have her over. Real friends don’t judge for messy houses. From your description your house sounds lovely. Yes it needs work, but it’s clearly got character. Hang in there, once your mortgage is cleared you’ll have some extra money available to do it up. In the meantime, stop letting it dominate your life like this. You’ve got walls and a roof. I’ve stayed in all sorts of weird situations with friends over the years. I once slept in a friend’s loft for a few weeks, just had an airbed up there far enough away from the trapdoor that I wouldn’t fall through if I rolled over, surrounded by boxes and junk. Real friends don’t care.

You sound pretty handy so look into making curtains. For basic ones you just need to hem a rectangle and sew some curtain tape along the top. I’m sure there’ll be videos on YouTube. Plastering is difficult but I expect YouTube will help with that. My plastering efforts predate YouTube, I was useless!

@CrossCountryWoosh So sorry to hear your update. It brought a tear to my eye, he sounded like a kind man.
Also puts into perspective that whatever your house looks like it doesn’t matter, you sound like a great friend and that is all your friend will care about.

Obviously it’s sad that her dad has died. But it really shouldn’t take a death to stop someone forcing their way into your home. That text was really very irritating and pushy.