I probably am being unreasonable but i need to vent.....

[smileitlightsupyourface]

I have an "friend" who is on benefits. She receives universal credit, PIP ( for MS) and has a car on the motability scheme. I know she has MS and has bad days but she lives a very active life...goes to the gym regularly, goes on active days out with the children each week and has a very active social life. This friend has literally never ever worked a job. She had kids young and has always been on benefits. Her dc have expensive hobbies such as horse riding and golf and are also season ticket holders at a premiership football club. She has none of the dc fathers on the scene and her family don't have much to do with them. She is constantly posting pictures on social media of her dc doing their hobbies and expensive days out. They are currently on a very expensive long haul holiday for half term. Its really starting to grate on me that she doesn't work and never has but lives this type of lifestyle while i work full time and as well as being constantly knackered i would struggle to afford her lifestyle. I know im being unreasonable but she seems very tone deaf when posting all this stuff on social media when so many are struggling to pay bills. I really don't want to be bitter but its winding me up!

I always wonder with threads like these and people like the OP, would your life feel immeasurably better if thos woman were at home unable to do a thing, struggling to afford food, really suffering in addition to having poor health? Because why does it affect you so much that she has a few nice things that she posts on social media?

The amount of money she has and what she does with it, makes zero difference to your life so why does it affect you so much? If she won the lottery tomorrow, it wouldn't affect you at all. If she became bankrupt, lost her benefits and was homeless, it would make no difference to you, so stop letting it concern you.

I will say I am someone with ill health, I dont post on social media but if I did you would see a couple nice things every now and then. You would even see this year a nice holiday. That holiday is being paid for by a family member. What you won't see is how in the last year ive left my house under 10 times, most of those have been for medical appointments. Aside from that I have been out a couple times because my health has been so bad I'm pretty much housebound and struggling so bad, my mental and physical health are dire. But you would see a holiday post and be jealous. However I doubt you would swap lives, especially as that holiday where I would likely post lovely pictures, I will probably get 1 or 2 good says in those 2 weeks because the rest will absolutely wipe me out and I will suffer for those 1 or 2 days.

Stop thinking from a tiny snapshot you know everything about a person. Focus on your own life and not other people's, especially when the state of their health, wealth and day to day living dont affect you at all.

The mobility component of PIP is used to pay for the car.

Social media is trash. Yeah you're seeing her good days, you have no idea the extent of her suffering and difficulties behind closed doors.

I'm disabled, working two days a week is killing me and I'd swap places with an able bodied person in a heart beat.

Just stop OP. Each post is getting worse.

You're not going to encourage people on the mean bandwagon.

You've enough school DM's supporting your wicked rampage. I pity you, if you're still in communication with this "friend" in decade, you'll feel like such a dick.

This.

Oh, it's a benefits bashing thread AND a disability bashing thread. And who said you don't get value for money these days.

People like you genuinely disgust me. Sanctimonious, self-righteous. And you call yourself her friend. You don't be, but you should be ashamed.

TBH, I usually agree with some of the posts lambasting benefit claimants, when they’re doing it fraudulently or /choosing benefits as a lifestyle option, but MS is a progressive illness, and gets quite debilitating, so I would say in this case she is very much entitled to what she receives. You should just be grateful that you have your health and your life expectancy is going to be lot longer than hers.

You know she can spend her PIP money on what she wants? She's living as best life she can while she can. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. I live with a chronic illness and have just been added one on top of everything else. I have applied for PIP and got refused. I will apply again but it is a very very hard benefit to get and the hoops you have to jump through. It could all be taken away just like that too. Her car isn't 'free'. You loose some of your benefits to pay for it and I think you have to pay an amount upfront and again it can be taken away from her. Just think that you have employment and a guaranteed income. You can work for pay increases. You won't be confined to your home in years to come like a lot of us are and depend on our dc and dh to help in the house. As for those mums at school they are really nasty and I hope they don't make that mum feel uncomfortable at drop off and pick up.

I think that being envious of other people's apparent "wealth" on benefits eclipses the main issue that wages have stagnated since the crash in 2008 - 16 YEARS AGO.

With respect to the level of benefits, analysis of official OECD data reveals that "after two months of joblessness, the UK provides its citizens support worth 17% of their previous in-work income - compared to 90% in Belgium.
^The UK replacement rate is substantially lower than every other northwestern European country, including Luxembourg (85%), Norway (78%), Denmark (78%), Iceland (75%), Switzerland (74%), Sweden (72%), The Netherlands (69%), France (66%), Germany (66%), Finland (57%), Austria (57%) and Ireland (54%)". (https://www.euronews.com/business/2023/08/03/this-country-has-the-worst-unemployment-benefits-in-northern-europe)^

The narrative that people are exploiting the system rather than working is poisonous.

We should be focusing on supporting those who can't work, and making companies pay better wages rather than expecting the state to top up dismal pay while they make ever higher profits for shareholders who do nothing to earn that money. But I don't hear anyone complaining about people living off the dividends that we pay for via excessive price-gouging.

Her bad days are probably really bad and she has a need of showing the best of her life because those good days are such a contrast to the bad. Regarding work only she can decide that. I have a lot of experience with MS. I had a parent with very progressive MS who couldn't work at all as they were disabled and in a wheelchair from very early diagnosis and line managed a colleague with MS who had good days and bad days. The colleague did work for years so yes, many can work with this condition, if that is your point, depends on the individual, but this colleague didn't have children so I can imagine that extra responsibility would take a lot more pressure.

The ‘guns out for the disabled’ threads aren’t even trying to be subtle anymore.

I might have taken years for her illness to have been diagnosed. Doctors appointments and referrals take a long long time. It doesn't happen overnight. So yes she could have been struggling for a lot longer than you realise.

Those of us living with MS have the joy of not knowing whether tomorrow we might wake up blind in one eye or having lost the use of a limb.
Those of us who are parents with MS are desperately trying to make the most of the good times we can have with our DC.
Those of us with MS who get PIP and other benefits have usually had to fight tooth and nail to get them, often via the courts

Do fuck off OP and keep your judgy nonsense to yourself.

Fuck me! Just when I thought benefit bashing threads couldn't get any lower! This is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. It beggars belief that anyone would be envious of someone with MS....never mind admitting to it!

Lavish long haul holidays, golfing, horses, premiership football and other expensive hobbies on benefits?

Jeez, I remember the times where it used to be false nails, fuck off tellys, ciggs and lotto tickets for the 'feckless spongers'. The world clearly moved on.

In other words, like hell I believe she affords all these things on benefits alone, it's not possible. Maybe she has maxed credit cards, a side hustle, OnlyFans, family help, inheritance - could be anything. Not sure it's your business.

I have a friend with MS. No children, but she does receive PIP. It's utter hell, I'm healthy and I wouldn't trade my health to my poor friend's condition even if I'd get paid a million a month in benefits. I saw how she suffers. Plus, she certainly doesn't golf, ride or holiday in Maldives 4 x year.

I had bitchy neighbours before. Heard through the grapevine that I must have a sugar daddy and/or receive lots of benefits, because I don't work, but travel abroad a lot (DD and some of their children were classmates).

I do WFH full-time, don't receive any benefits, no sugardaddy. I'm savvy with money, frugal, don't eat out, don't buy countless shit on Shein and elsewhere, no false nails, extensions, lashes, expensive car, newest tech updates every year, countless Christmas presents, North Face for DD, etc. We love to travel, so prioritize that and travel on a budget.

MS is a complete nightmare and headfuck (literally) of a disease - watching my brilliant friend lose cognitive ability (and mobility) has been heartbreaking.

Your friend is getting some joy out of life while she can. I am sure you wouldn't want to trade places with her.

For obvious name related reasons I don’t have the energy to go through all posts but I have read all made by the OP. I apologise if I’m repeating what’s been said.

I have MS and claim the appropriate benefits for my condition. I don’t have the lifestyle you describe for your ‘friend’ but I know others that were financially better off after their diagnosis due to life insurance policies etc, mine sadly didn’t pay out (an irrelevant side detail!).
My children were silently supported by Young Carers and also grants from their school and college to attend things like riding lessons, football matches, theatre productions and school trips overseas. Several local businesses and chain restaurants would provide vouchers for meals out as a ‘reward’ for them. Various charity groups and church organisations can offer similar too.
I had a free gym membership provided under a neurological exercise referral scheme which helped ease the load on the NHS rehab/neuro physio.
I was often the subject of playground gossip for either being a lazy parent, for getting special attention or having perfect children who were seemingly picked for everything.

Even if she’s only been diagnosed a short time, it can be a lengthy diagnosis process, for some people it takes decades, and the drugs required to (hopefully) delay progression can be brutal, causing further fatigue, illness or disability.

Please think before you judge a disabled parent.

Hi OP

I use a wheelchair full time following an accident.

I go to the gym - for specialist physio as it helps stop me dying,

I live an active a life as possible - because life is shit with chronic pain and when you can't walk far.

If you want her benefits maybe take her disease?

Can't believe you are envious of someone with MS.

Get off Facebook OP. It's really not healthy when you are comparing your life to that of someone with MS.

You sound really spiteful, not a good look

You’re jealous of a single mum with MS? Good grief. Has it occurred to you that her coping strategy for her condition could be to try to have a positive outlook and concentrate on what she can do rather than what she can’t? You should be pleased for her that she’s managing to have some good times, if you were actually her friend, because I bet her bad times are pretty shit.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Yes, because people fake MS all the time.
I should maybe apply for PIP for the amount of eyerolling I am doing from reading posts like yours.

So OP, what would be an acceptable lifestyle for this woman? Does she have to look miserable? Not have any fun? Her kids miss out all the time? Will that feel 'fair'?