To not give my teen DD medication

[Foxjonessssss]

My 15 yr old DD has ASD and OCD, both diagnosed by CAMHS who she is under. She is brilliant in every way and manages so well. She is in grammar school doing really well academically but struggles in other ways. The school are great and really help her.

She has had therapy via CAMHS and through school but still struggles with intrusive thoughts.

CAMHS consultant has said it’s now time to start medication. I have really wanted to avoid this for her. I don’t want her on medication that has side effects and she may be reliant on. DD doesn’t mind either way.

I just think she has done so well with everything without medication I wish she didn’t need it ☹️

AIBU if I don’t accept the medication for her?

So your daughter has been assessed as needing medication and is struggling in many aspects at school but because she gets good grades you dont want to give her meds? Cant you see how silly that is, she deserves to have the full experience at school, it's not all about grades etc theres obviously enough issues to get to cahms so why not listen to them?

Why does it matter if shes on it long term if it makes her life better? And you dont even know if she will have a single side effect and if she was they can change things.

Try and be more positive about this, medicine isnt prescribed willy nilly for that age group and you are probably looking at things through rose-tinted glasses saying you dont think she needs it

The anxiety that often goes hand in hand with asd does get treated with medication, so does severe ocd

What medication? The "risks" are very different, say if it's Sertraline (no risks to health) or lithium...

Ultimately though, you should support your daughter in whatever decision she makes.

See that your daughter gets her medication.
Fellow ASD and OCD person here. Had to mask and adjust all my life, since this wasn't available in my time (and my parents were arseholes anyway).
There is a saying: "If being daft caused zero gravity, some people would be flying like turtle doves".

It depends how much she is struggling.

I worked with a girl a similar age and her dad refused to medicate her too.

I completely got where he was coming from as I avoid medication myself if I can help it but she was in distress and it was not healthy for her to be feeling the way she was.
She went on to self harm and he still refused medication.

Unfortunately she became violent to herself and others and wasn’t safe to be in our unit, so I’m not sure what happened in the end.

But ultimately she could not lead a normal teen life and her quality of life was not very good.
A bit of medication could have helped so much.

This is a big decision and I’m glad you’re not taking it lightly but remember it doesn’t have to be permanent.

Coming from a parent who delayed giving her child adhd medication because I was worried re side effects... I really wish we started it earlier because he would have struggled so much less. I have such regret.

My teen DD is ASD and ADHD.

Life for her has been and continues to be extremely challenging. Both ADHD medication and Antidepressants/ anti anxiety meds have helped massively.

It's good that you are able to self reflect and see that this is largely down to your wish that she didn't have these challenges.

However she does have challenges, and she is struggling. So yes, even though none of us wanted this for our DCs, it's important to put our own ideals and wishes to one side and take the emotion out of it.

Side effects only happen to some and don't typically last for a long time. If you are prepared for them they seem easier to deal with if they come. They may not.

If they could genuinely help your DD and professionals have recommended it then it's actually not kind to deny them

You can try them for a period of time. It's up to her. If they improve things then great. Put aside your own feelings. You love her and want things to be better for her.

She may not need them forever

When I needed meds about ten years ago they helped massively with my own mental health. I rallied against them for ages for the same reason as you. But once I took them, I was so grateful for them. Having first hand experience of how helpful they were to me meant I was less reticent about DD being on them.

I appreciate it takes a while to come to terms with our DCs diagnosis, and accepting the fact that they have things to contend with. The last 5 years have been a huge struggle for DD and it's unfair. But it could also be a lot worse.

One thing that my DD said to me always sticks in my mind is

'It's about time you started parenting the child you have rather than the one you thought you'd have'
It's never left me and she was so right.

Medication has been life changing for my daughter, she only started then at 16.. I wish she had started years earlier

I would tend to avoid it myself. I think we really don't know about the long term effects of a lot of these medications on teens.

So if she's coping, I would be really pressing the doctor on why now is supposedly the time to start medication. What specifically do they want to accomplish, or avoid.

I also think that when people learn to cope with a condition in other ways, long term it is often more effective than medication.

As for the idea that the doctors know what they are doing and is best, I call bollocks on that. They may well be making the right recommendation, but plenty of doctors are idiots, or just do the same thing in every case and don't really think much about the individual, or never really consider the long term. Just as an example, my father was on many psychiatric drugs for years, under care of a doctor. In his 70s he had some serious health problems, and the doctors whose care he was under were shocked at the number and quantities, which materially contributed to kidney damage and diabetes. His doctor just for years was very drug oriented and never wanted to take patients off meds, and never took seriously the long term side effects. When they did take him off most of them, over the course of a year, he felt much better.

It's really important for you, and especially your daughter now that she is entering adulthood, to have a handle on what the doctor is trying to accomplish, what to expect for a good result, and when a drug is not useful and should be stopped. So - ask lots of questions is my advice.

I would tend to avoid it myself. I think we really don't know about the long term effects of a lot of these medications on teens.

And the long-term effects of not using medication can be fatal.

This is true.

I had OCD with intrusive thoughts. Medication was honestly a life saver. It was like there were subtitles in my head all the time telling me people hated me, or that the worst was going to happen. Just overlaid over all my thoughts. The medication was like someone switching those subtitles off.

I was on sertraline and the first week or two were a bit rough in terms of side effects, but after that the difference was immense.

Also, just to say, theoretically I was “coping” without the meds, but it’s the difference between surviving and thriving.

Would you not bother with medication for a physical illness or is it just mental health you ignore?

Have you heard of BRAINs? It’s a tool to help you make medical decisions. I have found it really helpful.

www.liverpoolwomens.nhs.uk/our-services/maternity/your-antenatal-care/brain/

Medicating the child you have is good advice.

For the previous poster's father's experience, this is very different and more up to date.

Medication gives my auDHD brain peace. Antidepressants for when the anxiety tips into depression, beta blockers for anxiety as and when needed during periods of mental wellness. Thanks to ADHD meds, those periods of wellness are a lot more extended than they used to be.

I'm 55. If I'd had these meds as a teenager, my life would have turned out very differently. For the better. Much, much better.

I would try solely on the fact she is having intrusive thoughts, whilst we all like to hope we will be there to help forever, I would give her any opportunity to help as much as possible to hopefully be as independent in the world as she can be.

Obviously, do your research and get a number of specialist opinions. I would leave any treatment until after GCSE's now as getting the dosage right and watching for side affects will take time.

Non-compliance with prescribed medication is the thin end of a not very pleasant wedge in mental health. It is literally why we can section people, deprive them of their liberty, and force them to receive treatment.

I agree that medication isn't needed as the meds will not do anything. Ask the therapist on what basis she is needing medication and for what illness and also what impact it will have scientifically on her illness. There is no need as it isn't biological in my eyes. Many will disagree but that is their choice.

Her managing is akin to endurance training. She should not have to manage and that is why medications are prescribed.

I do understand your concerns and I would have the same concerns - it is however a bit of a rock and a hard place because she is under a lot more pressure than her NT peers and throw hormones, exams and moving up to sixth form and uni into the mix I would be very concerned that the wheels might come off without measured intervention

Medication was life changing for my 14yrold ASD/ADHD son. He can now access so many areas of life that were beyond him beforehand.

If the side effects out weighs the benefits than she can stop taking them.

She has a medical problem and if is she reliant on medication to control her symptoms then I don’t see what the problem is? Millions of people in the UK take medications for their medical problems.

Also at 15 and doing well academically I don’t really think this is your decision.

I am a teacher of teens and young adults in a high needs environment. I believe that other things should be tried before medication and it should be looked at on a case by case basis and under guidance of professionals.
However , there are huge benefits of medication and I have how much medication can improve young people’s lives and these can be of significant benefit to the young people’s long term outcomes, and massively outweigh the side effects.
There are many young people I work with who would benefit but as their parents won’t agree they are left to struggle.
If I were you, and as it’s been advised by the professionals I would trial and meds for 6 months and after that time, your dd can weigh up the benefits vs side effects and decide if they feel their quality of life has improved.

How do you know it won't be really positive for her until she tries it?

If it did turn out to be really positive, would you still prefer she didn't have it?