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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breach of confidentiality?

76 replies

Whatsallthisabout1 · 16/02/2025 16:39

I am in a school WhatsApp group created for the parents of a Y1 primary school class. One of the mums in the group works at the school supervising the kids at lunchtime. One parent made a post asking for advice on concussion, because the day before he bumped his head at school. The parent that works at the school replied to the other parent’s question on the group message that he had indeed bumped his head and was pushed over by my child (she mentioned my child by name). Is she allowed to do this? Would this be a breach in confidentiality? I’m upset not only because I found out about this incident this way, but that this could have an impact on my child’s reputation. Just a little extra info; my child is best friends with this other child and they get on well. I am friends with the child’s parent and the child is well. I don’t really know the parent that works at the school. Thanks

OP posts:
BreakfastatTiffannys · 16/02/2025 16:52

IMO, this type of situation must be dealt with- and only with - the people involved. It's unethical to expose people, especially when it comes to WhatsApp groups. What's worse, not only did they expose you, but they also blindsided you.
Very bad way to deal with a school incident.

Runningoutofthyme · 16/02/2025 17:14

An impact on your child’s reputation?😂
Was it on purpose or an accident?
You can talk to the school if you’re concerned but I think you’re overthinking unless they were derogatory about your dc

HollyBerryz · 16/02/2025 17:15

Absolutely not what on Earth is she thinking! Get a screenshot and complain.

HollyBerryz · 16/02/2025 17:16

When I say absolutely not I mean absolutely not acceptable.

JSMill · 16/02/2025 17:16

She's out of order. This is why you really shouldn't work at your dc's school.

Mayflyoff · 16/02/2025 17:29

At both school and nursery, any incident of my child being hurt was described as "by another child", never named. Similarly when one of mine cut another child's hair, they didn't tell me who it was, so I had to get that out of my child, to know who to apologise to.

So I think that it isn't normal to name the other child, and certainly not in a lass whatsapp.

Randomthoughts992 · 16/02/2025 17:29

not on, i would be mad...

Randomthoughts992 · 16/02/2025 17:30

same as you wouldn't go into the group chat going " oh emily has lice so everyone should check the other kids" like no, you say " there is lice going around"

LittleRedRidingHoody · 16/02/2025 17:33

Absolutely not, that's wildly inappropriate.

Original poster
Whatsallthisabout1 · 16/02/2025 17:35

Runningoutofthyme · Today 17:14

An impact on your child’s reputation?😂
Was it on purpose or an accident?
You can talk to the school if you’re concerned but I think you’re overthinking unless they were derogatory about your dc

In reply to Runningoutofthyme - The way the messages were written and a lack of the whole account could portray my child as a troublemaker and/or a bully. Luckily I know the other parent and she knows this not to be the case. But the whole year were in the group. They don’t know my child and we’re all just getting to know one another. This reason, and the fact that they do not know the full details, could lead to parents having preconceived ideas about the sort of child my son is and actively encourage their children not to play with my child or limit birthday party invites. This could have an impact on potential future relationships.

OP posts:
Marchitectmummy · 16/02/2025 17:43

What is the outcome you want from this, an apology, or the person sacked? I would think of the outcome first and that will inform the way to deal with it.

HollyBerryz · 16/02/2025 17:49

I doubt they'd get sacked. Unless it's something they've done before which isn't really ops problem.

Original poster
Whatsallthisabout1 · 16/02/2025 17:52

Marchitectmummy · Today 17:43

What is the outcome you want from this, an apology, or the person sacked? I would think of the outcome first and that will inform the way to deal with it.

Reply to Marchitectmummy - That would depend. I would expect all staff members at the school to know not talk about students by name on social media, for obvious reasons. This type of behaviour can be damaging to children. If the school are not training newly recruited staff members not to engage in this sort of behaviour, then I would think there needs to be a change to their practice. If they do so already, then I would think she needs a reminder. I want to prevent this happening to another child. Pushing in the playground can happen quite regularly - I would guess that it won’t be long before she does it again.

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 16/02/2025 17:52

I would want an apology, an assurance it won’t happen again and the other parent to be given retraining.

It’s not unreasonably to be annoyed OP, I would take a screenshot to the head over this

Shinynose · 16/02/2025 17:53

I don't think there's any impact as such but agree it's absolutely is a breach of confidentiality and I would speak to the school. Next time it might matter.

whycantibeselfishforonce · 16/02/2025 18:05

Ex DHT here. The member of staff has behaved inappropriately here. I would definitely show the message to a senior member of staff at school asap, DHT or HT or send them an email. The member of staff should not be naming children in this type of situation for the reasons you were concerned about actually OP. They are in a position of trust and have stepped over the line. In a parents Whatsapp group they are a parent and not a member of staff. Of course, they will see and hear all the lunchtime drama but it is not for them to anecdotally report about it in this way. Is it even accurate in what she has said anyway? It could have been a very simple play push/fall over rather than something deliberate. Report it.

Blueblell · 16/02/2025 18:09

I agree it could potentially impact how other parents perceive your child rightly or wrongly. The other parents won’t know the circumstances ie were they both just messing around and it was an accident or something else. The parent who works at the school needs to learn to wear two hats - fellow parent and school employee. Obviously she shouldn’t share information about other children that she gains through her role at the school. I would private message her and tell her that she shouldn’t have shared that information on the parent group.

TrixieFatell · 16/02/2025 18:10

I would complain. They work at the school and have used their position to give out information they shouldn't be giving out.

JSMill · 16/02/2025 18:14

Honestly it's not about training or policies, it's about understanding you are in a position of trust and you need to be discreet. Unfortunately it's hard to recruit lunchtime people so sometimes schools have to accept people who don't know how to behave appropriately.

MissMoneyFairy · 16/02/2025 18:15

I would speak to the head, sharing info like that by a staff member, voluntary or employed, is unacceptable. If there was an incident at school I would expect the school to contact you directly. Unless this person is a qualified health practitioner at the school they should not be givbing out any medical advice either.

Spirallingdownwards · 16/02/2025 18:17

Absolutely unacceptable behaviour. Report it to the school so they can arrange appropriate training for the member of staff in question.

5128gap · 16/02/2025 18:26

Given which child was involved was completely irrelevant to answering the question about concussion it suggests this woman is trying to appear important by revealing 'insider details' to the group. This is a very bad trait for someone in a trusted position, and does need flagging up with the school, as you can guarantee it won't be the last time she curries status by revealing things she shouldn't.

Strictly1 · 16/02/2025 18:33

As a HT I would want to know about this.

ButIToldYouSoooo · 16/02/2025 18:33

She shouldn't have done that. WE're not allowed to name other children involved in such issues. I would raise the issue.

loropianalover · 16/02/2025 18:35

Ugh how stupid of her. I would definitely report this.