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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breach of confidentiality?

76 replies

Whatsallthisabout1 · 16/02/2025 16:39

I am in a school WhatsApp group created for the parents of a Y1 primary school class. One of the mums in the group works at the school supervising the kids at lunchtime. One parent made a post asking for advice on concussion, because the day before he bumped his head at school. The parent that works at the school replied to the other parent’s question on the group message that he had indeed bumped his head and was pushed over by my child (she mentioned my child by name). Is she allowed to do this? Would this be a breach in confidentiality? I’m upset not only because I found out about this incident this way, but that this could have an impact on my child’s reputation. Just a little extra info; my child is best friends with this other child and they get on well. I am friends with the child’s parent and the child is well. I don’t really know the parent that works at the school. Thanks

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 16/02/2025 20:57

heroinechic · 16/02/2025 20:20

Definitely inappropriate and unprofessional but I'm not sure she's bound by a duty of confidentiality. Did you reply on the group?

I would probably deal with it informally in this instance and speak to her directly to say that it was inappropriate for her to speak about an incident at school on a group WhatsApp chat when you hadn't already been informed via the school, and that you would appreciate if she could be more sensible with the information she chooses to share with others outside of the proper routes.

That said, I don't think you'd be wrong to complain directly to the school if you would rather avoid a potential confrontation.

She absolutely is bound by confidentiality. She should NOT be discussing anything to do with another persons child in a public forum.
DON’T speak to her yourself. Speak to school.

Original poster
Whatsallthisabout1 · 16/02/2025 21:09

heroinechic · 16/02/2025 20:20

Definitely inappropriate and unprofessional but I'm not sure she's bound by a duty of confidentiality. Did you reply on the group?

I would probably deal with it informally in this instance and speak to her directly to say that it was inappropriate for her to speak about an incident at school on a group WhatsApp chat when you hadn't already been informed via the school, and that you would appreciate if she could be more sensible with the information she chooses to share with others outside of the proper routes.

That said, I don't think you'd be wrong to complain directly to the school if you would rather avoid a potential confrontation.

I didn’t reply to the group. I deemed it inappropriate to admonish someone in public. My first concern was to contact the parent, of the child in question, directly, to first make sure they were ok, and to follow their medical process, then to get the full details, as to what had taken place. It transpired that it was case of innocent rough contact between friends. Although innocent in nature, it was a serious incident, resulting in the child having to go to A&E. The child in question is perfectly healthy and there is no need for concern. However, an incident such as this is quite unusual for children in Y1 and stays with the parents. Then, armed with the full details, my concern was to address the situation with my child, so as to ensure he understands the dangers of rough or negative physical contact. With that being addressed, the issue is now that the whole year group was only partially informed of the situation, leaving everyone to make assumptions as to what had transpired, and as to how this situation unfolded and was resolved. Because most in the year group do not yet know my child, this leaves my child’s character open to speculation, resulting in the possible detriment of future relationships.

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 16/02/2025 21:24

Smartiepants79 · 16/02/2025 20:57

She absolutely is bound by confidentiality. She should NOT be discussing anything to do with another persons child in a public forum.
DON’T speak to her yourself. Speak to school.

Show quote history

^^ This. This is what you should do.

LoveBluey · 16/02/2025 21:28

Absolutely not professional and if I was in that WhatsApp group I would report it to the school (regardless of whether I was one of the families involved).

We have many parents who are also members of staff and they either don't join the WhatsApp groups or are very quiet on them. It's inappropriate for them to comment on anything like that and should definitely not name children.

Redbone · 16/02/2025 21:29

Totally inappropriate and unprofessional of the person at the school. I would report to the Head. (If it is the Head report to Chair of Governors.)

Original poster
Whatsallthisabout1 · 17/02/2025 06:35

SecondBanana · 16/02/2025 18:56

I think you’re deflecting from the bigger issue here. I’d be investing my attention on reflecting more about how to talk to my child about the incident (and would be wondering what was going on) if they had pushed over another child at school, especially to the extent that the child’s parent was worried about concussion.

it transpired that this was rough contact between best friends. There was an obstacle behind the child, he fell over that obstacle, making the fall a bit of a freak incident. Of course, I have addressed this situation with my child ensuring he understands the dangers of rough or negative physical contact. I take such matters seriously and address accordingly. Here you have made an indirect judgement on my child’s character. Your comment actively demonstrates how limited or partial information can lead to the unjust questioning of my child’s character, highlighting one of the reasons why this staff member should not have stated names on the group, and why it indeed should be considered a breach of confidentiality. Unfortunately, the full extent of the damage this breach has had on my child’s character will be largely unknown.

OP posts:
discdiscsnap · 17/02/2025 07:06

I'm a school governor and on the year what's app group. I never give information about the school that's not public knowledge. And I never weigh in if parents are complaining about the school/staff. I could lose my position if I did.

I would complain to head. The staff member behaved inappropriately and needs to be made aware of this.

DazedDragon · 17/02/2025 07:15

@Whatsallthisabout1

The comment on WhatsApp was extremely unprofessional.

It was clearly an accident after a little rough play between two kids and the comment has branded your child a thug to the class parents.

Screenshot it and report it to the school immediately! The woman shouldn't be working in a school if she is posting comments about kids.

SmileEachDay · 17/02/2025 07:16

I’m in a parent WhatsApp for a school in the same trust that I work for. Consequently, I often “know” things about a variety of situations that are discussed. I never ever use my “insider” knowledge to contribute- I’m in there as a mom, not a professional. It’s hugely inappropriate to do so - I’d definitely let the school know OP, it’s very much not ok.

TooManyNiblings · 17/02/2025 07:19

You need to take screenshots and report to the school. She is definitely bound by confidentiality and needs a slap-on-the-wrist.
I only volunteered at DD's school (in the classroom) but had to sign to say I understood that anything that occurred in school, I wasn't allowed to comment on outside school and that included positive stuff!!! One of the volunteers made personal comments in the class WhatsApp of how lovely and hardworking a couple of specific, names children were and she got pulled in and set straight about her inappropriate behaviour. An email went out to all volunteers reminding us that it broke the rules we had signed up to and could get us disqualified from volunteering in the future.

BlueSilverCats · 17/02/2025 07:54

Completely unacceptable. Even if it wasn't my kid, I would still let the head know if I was on that group, because confidentiality and trust are essential to working in a school.

Given the fact that she wasn't even asked about the incident and she deliberately shared that information in "public" makes it even worse.

whycantibeselfishforonce · 17/02/2025 08:25

Whatsallthisabout1 · 17/02/2025 06:35

it transpired that this was rough contact between best friends. There was an obstacle behind the child, he fell over that obstacle, making the fall a bit of a freak incident. Of course, I have addressed this situation with my child ensuring he understands the dangers of rough or negative physical contact. I take such matters seriously and address accordingly. Here you have made an indirect judgement on my child’s character. Your comment actively demonstrates how limited or partial information can lead to the unjust questioning of my child’s character, highlighting one of the reasons why this staff member should not have stated names on the group, and why it indeed should be considered a breach of confidentiality. Unfortunately, the full extent of the damage this breach has had on my child’s character will be largely unknown.

Show quote history

This post that you have responded to here OP is exactly one of the big reasons why this type of mis information should not be shared. Creates ridiculous drama where there is none. I'd be tempted to show this comment to the HT when you speak with them; as this may be what other parents in the Whatsapp group are thinking about your child. I'd be really annoyed!

Happyinarcon · 17/02/2025 08:29

I’m conflicted. While it’s unfortunate for your child in this instance there have been many instances where a number of children have been bullied by one or two kids, and the schools downplayed the situation. If the parents were more connected and able to communicate more freely they could have confronted the school as a group and finally had some action taken.

Howinthehelldidthishappen · 17/02/2025 09:24

Completely unacceptable.
When both my kids were young, one pushed the other over at school, resulting in some quite nasty grazes.
All I got was the incident report, they couldn't even tell me it was my own child that had done the pushing!
Take screenshots and report

BlueSilverCats · 17/02/2025 10:22

Happyinarcon · 17/02/2025 08:29

I’m conflicted. While it’s unfortunate for your child in this instance there have been many instances where a number of children have been bullied by one or two kids, and the schools downplayed the situation. If the parents were more connected and able to communicate more freely they could have confronted the school as a group and finally had some action taken.

There is nothing to stop parents from doing that. School staff however , are bound by confidentiality and different rules.

MaybeMaybeNotJ · 17/02/2025 10:24

Yes it breaches contract ref confidentiality.
It is classed as misconduct and could warrant disciplinary action.

saraclara · 17/02/2025 11:13

Screenshot and email to the head. I'm a retired teacher who worked in a setting where I had three TAs and lunchtime staff on my class team. They lived locally to some of the children, and it was drilled into thm from their very first day that whiskey nothing that happened within school should be discussed out of school, and any questions asked of them, were to be directed to the class teacher or head.

I'd be furious if any of them had done this, and it would definitely have been addressed firmly.

NImumconfused · 17/02/2025 11:44

Echoing everyone else in terms or reporting it to the school, but in terms of addressing the impression the other parents now have if your child, if the other child's parent is happy it was not deliberate, and just an accident between friends, would they be willing to say that on the group? It would be better coming from them.

Original poster
Whatsallthisabout1 · 17/02/2025 12:13

NImumconfused · 17/02/2025 11:44

Echoing everyone else in terms or reporting it to the school, but in terms of addressing the impression the other parents now have if your child, if the other child's parent is happy it was not deliberate, and just an accident between friends, would they be willing to say that on the group? It would be better coming from them.

Good question. Thank you. I’ll ask her.

OP posts:
saraclara · 17/02/2025 14:41

Whatsallthisabout1 · 17/02/2025 12:13

Good question. Thank you. I’ll ask her.

Show quote history

I was about to suggest this. I hope she's happy to do that.

Also I don't know how autocorrect managed to change 'absolutely' into 'whiskey' in my earlier post!

Love51 · 17/02/2025 15:48

Happyinarcon · 17/02/2025 08:29

I’m conflicted. While it’s unfortunate for your child in this instance there have been many instances where a number of children have been bullied by one or two kids, and the schools downplayed the situation. If the parents were more connected and able to communicate more freely they could have confronted the school as a group and finally had some action taken.

Parents may communicate freely. Staff have to respect the role they have which puts them in a position of relative power. If you are both you do both. You can advocate for your child but not share information about other children gleaned through your job.

BigSilly · 17/02/2025 16:03

Here's a thought.
Why don't you get your own house in order, namely by dealing with your son's violent behaviour, before picking holes in this lunchtime supervisor's actions!

BlueSilverCats · 17/02/2025 16:15

BigSilly · 17/02/2025 16:03

Here's a thought.
Why don't you get your own house in order, namely by dealing with your son's violent behaviour, before picking holes in this lunchtime supervisor's actions!

Both can happen at the same time, and two wrongs don't make a right. Especially when one of the people in the "wrong" is ...5!!!

Confidentiality applies to all , not just certain kids. FFS!

Original poster
Whatsallthisabout1 · 17/02/2025 17:08

BigSilly · 17/02/2025 16:03

Here's a thought.
Why don't you get your own house in order, namely by dealing with your son's violent behaviour, before picking holes in this lunchtime supervisor's actions!

Wow! Your comment just proves my point - have you read the thread?

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 17/02/2025 17:40

BigSilly · 17/02/2025 16:03

Here's a thought.
Why don't you get your own house in order, namely by dealing with your son's violent behaviour, before picking holes in this lunchtime supervisor's actions!

OP has got her house in order. She has spoken to the school about the incident. It was an accident involving two 5 year olds, not violent behaviour by OP's son.

The lunchtime supervisor broke confidentiality and action should be taken.