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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breach of confidentiality?

76 replies

Whatsallthisabout1 · 16/02/2025 16:39

I am in a school WhatsApp group created for the parents of a Y1 primary school class. One of the mums in the group works at the school supervising the kids at lunchtime. One parent made a post asking for advice on concussion, because the day before he bumped his head at school. The parent that works at the school replied to the other parent’s question on the group message that he had indeed bumped his head and was pushed over by my child (she mentioned my child by name). Is she allowed to do this? Would this be a breach in confidentiality? I’m upset not only because I found out about this incident this way, but that this could have an impact on my child’s reputation. Just a little extra info; my child is best friends with this other child and they get on well. I am friends with the child’s parent and the child is well. I don’t really know the parent that works at the school. Thanks

OP posts:
MarzipanAndFrenchFancies · 16/02/2025 18:40

Yep. I would email the school.

When my DC was primary age, a few of the parent TAs were totally unprofessional, bitching about the children (often with SEN) and sometimes about each other.

Sometimes I wish I had said something.

RazzzzzzzzzlllllllleDaaazzzzllle · 16/02/2025 18:43

Mayflyoff · 16/02/2025 17:29

At both school and nursery, any incident of my child being hurt was described as "by another child", never named. Similarly when one of mine cut another child's hair, they didn't tell me who it was, so I had to get that out of my child, to know who to apologise to.

So I think that it isn't normal to name the other child, and certainly not in a lass whatsapp.

Exactly! My friend has twins and even if it's one twin hurting their brother, they still don't name them 😂. Bonkers but true

Shadow1986 · 16/02/2025 18:44

I worked in a school on lunch duty and this is definitely a big no no. She shouldn’t have done that. I would let the school know. I doubt she will be sacked over it but she should be reminded of confidentiality.

RazzzzzzzzzlllllllleDaaazzzzllle · 16/02/2025 18:45

Given that if asked, most children would name the 'offender' (said loosely!!), I'm not 100% sure if it's a breach of confidentiality, however it IS hugely unprofessional

Funkyslippers · 16/02/2025 18:48

5128gap · 16/02/2025 18:26

Given which child was involved was completely irrelevant to answering the question about concussion it suggests this woman is trying to appear important by revealing 'insider details' to the group. This is a very bad trait for someone in a trusted position, and does need flagging up with the school, as you can guarantee it won't be the last time she curries status by revealing things she shouldn't.

I was going to say this. She didn't even answer the question! But slso I don't really see why the mum is asking about advice on concussion on a WhatsApp group when she could be ringing 111. Not the point I realise & yes it is a breach of confidentiality

BeSharpBee · 16/02/2025 18:52

I'm a midday and it's drilled into you to not get involved in any interaction with parents. If there are concerns you refer them onto your line manager. Doesn't matter if it's about how much Olivia eats, if Dave pushed Thomas or if Petunia was pissing up the school gates. It's unprofessional to literally speak out of school.

LIZS · 16/02/2025 18:56

Whatsapp is the wrong way for any such incident to be dealt with. Report the staff member who should have referred the parent back to school and not discussed it publicly. They may get a refresher in gdpr and confidentiality

SecondBanana · 16/02/2025 18:56

I think you’re deflecting from the bigger issue here. I’d be investing my attention on reflecting more about how to talk to my child about the incident (and would be wondering what was going on) if they had pushed over another child at school, especially to the extent that the child’s parent was worried about concussion.

Trickabrick · 16/02/2025 19:02

I’d 100% screenshot and report. If you weren’t even aware of the incident until she piped up, it clearly wasn’t a big enough of a deal for you to be made aware, and she certainly shouldn’t be taking it on herself to talk about pupils outside of the school environment. Unfortunately some people like wielding the perceived power / knowledge they have when they work at their child’s school.

Trickabrick · 16/02/2025 19:03

SecondBanana · 16/02/2025 18:56

I think you’re deflecting from the bigger issue here. I’d be investing my attention on reflecting more about how to talk to my child about the incident (and would be wondering what was going on) if they had pushed over another child at school, especially to the extent that the child’s parent was worried about concussion.

Well the school weren’t concerned enough to let the OP know when the incident occurred, so it’s probably safe to assume it was something minor and the OP’s child has either behaved out of character or it was an accident.

ThejoyofNC · 16/02/2025 19:05

I'd have called out her unprofessionalism in the group by replying to her message.

Original poster
Whatsallthisabout1 · 16/02/2025 19:07

SecondBanana · Today 18:56

I think you’re deflecting from the bigger issue here. I’d be investing my attention on reflecting more about how to talk to my child about the incident (and would be wondering what was going on) if they had pushed over another child at school, especially to the extent that the child’s parent was worried about concussion.

Reply to SecondBanana - Thank you. I have already done this. I take this sort of thing very seriously. As I’m currently doing a degree on child psychology, I’m well aware of the psychological impact. The issue you state is a separate issue, of which I have already addressed, and not looking for advice on. Precisely the reason I didn’t mention it and deemed it irrelevant to this conversation.

OP posts:
problem7 · 16/02/2025 19:09

I would absolutely report this to the Head Teacher. It’s completely inappropriate.

My child is having a tough time at school and his teachers are all very discreet and say ‘by a child’ when describing incidents. Of course my son then immediately says the name though!

Dontlletmedownbruce · 16/02/2025 19:12

I'd be furious OP on 2 counts. First as she works in the school this would be regarded as breach of confidentiality and is absolutely inappropriate. It's also wrong but somewhat forgiveable to accidently blurt something out during a chat but to post something in black and white is without doubt a serious matter. Secondly, even if this woman didn't work at the school it's pretty poor form to name a child in a WhatsApp group.

I think for the sake of keeping the peace you should msg her separately and ask her to make sure she doesn't mention individual children on the group chat. In theory you could go to school and complain and there probably would be a disciplinary action, I assume a warning only but I could be wrong. Personally I'd avoid the complaint route and go direct to her.

BoredZelda · 16/02/2025 19:29

But slso I don't really see why the mum is asking about advice on concussion on a WhatsApp group when she could be ringing 111

Last time I called 111, it was nearly two hours before I spoke to someone and 7 hours for the call back. I'd be asking the question of other mums too.

Smartiepants79 · 16/02/2025 19:30

You are not wrong to be cross about this. My headteacher would take a very dim view of this. The member of staff should NOT be on any social media where they are sharing info with parents. Or commenting on anything that is going on at school. It is deeply unprofessional. Please see the head and screenshot that message.

Lindy2 · 16/02/2025 19:39

She shouldn't be naming any child. She's been very unprofessional.

The other mum shouldn't be asking for advice about concussion on a school group. She needs to seek medical advice either online or by calling 111 or similar.

Being a year 1 group I imagine there's some very enthusiastic parents on the group chat. Generally groups like this do reduce activity as the children get older.

I would not be judging a year 1 child for knocking/pushing over another child. Accidents happen and children of this age are still learning their social skills. I would judge an adult, particularly a school staff member, for naming a child though.

Love51 · 16/02/2025 19:42

Screenshot before she deletes it and report to the head by email over half term (if you have half term now, if course!)

Love51 · 16/02/2025 19:45

We had a TA on the year group WhatsApp. She was helpful when school comms were confusing and on one occasion when they were completely contradictory said "I'll ask for clarification and a year wide text to go out on Monday". She never ever commented about children (not ever her own really).

PeachPumpkin · 16/02/2025 19:58

I would be cross too, OP. I volunteer at a school and it’s been made very clear that I shouldn’t talk about the children outside of the school. Not that I would anyway!

Original poster
Whatsallthisabout1 · 16/02/2025 20:01

MarzipanAndFrenchFancies · 16/02/2025 18:40

Yep. I would email the school.

When my DC was primary age, a few of the parent TAs were totally unprofessional, bitching about the children (often with SEN) and sometimes about each other.

Sometimes I wish I had said something.

I’m sorry you and the children involved had to go through this

OP posts:
Tenthousandspoonsitslike · 16/02/2025 20:02

Very unprofessional of the staff member

Original poster
Whatsallthisabout1 · 16/02/2025 20:05

problem7 · 16/02/2025 19:09

I would absolutely report this to the Head Teacher. It’s completely inappropriate.

My child is having a tough time at school and his teachers are all very discreet and say ‘by a child’ when describing incidents. Of course my son then immediately says the name though!

I’m sorry your child is having a rough time at the moment. I wish your child all the best.

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 16/02/2025 20:10

You should complain to the school. It is entirely inappropriate and the member if staff needs to be spoken to and given clarity about their behaviours online in relation to work. This kind of behaviour could lead to real problems between parents, for a child and for a school. Staff are not allowed to 'gossip' online. She needs to understand where the boundaries are.

heroinechic · 16/02/2025 20:20

Definitely inappropriate and unprofessional but I'm not sure she's bound by a duty of confidentiality. Did you reply on the group?

I would probably deal with it informally in this instance and speak to her directly to say that it was inappropriate for her to speak about an incident at school on a group WhatsApp chat when you hadn't already been informed via the school, and that you would appreciate if she could be more sensible with the information she chooses to share with others outside of the proper routes.

That said, I don't think you'd be wrong to complain directly to the school if you would rather avoid a potential confrontation.