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Original poster

Oversensitive to jokes

71 replies

SandraSprocket · 16/02/2025 15:06

I should start by saying I'm neuro diverse, I have ADHD and I take at face value what people say to me, in general terms anyway. I often don't get nuances of jokes and teasing. I don't make jokes to others either.

Last night I was watching the 1% Club with my friend and I got all the answers right except the 1% one. She called me a big head. I told her I wasn't a big head and she got annoyed with me telling me she's sick of me taking things literally.

I had a book published last year and she said "I bet your head's so swollen you can't get through the door." I didn't understand why she'd say that, I was asked to write a book and I did it. Job done. Though I can see it's an achievement I'm not arrogant or up myself.

Do you think I'm oversensitive? I don't know how to tell people not to joke with me like this. It doesn't happen a lot but I feel foolish and awkward when it does.

OP posts:
OhSpringisintheair · 16/02/2025 15:12

I'm with you OP.

I think when someone makes a personal joke about someone they are actually showing how they really feel but are saying "its a joke" so they can get away with it.

Original poster
SandraSprocket · 16/02/2025 15:15

OhSpringisintheair · 16/02/2025 15:12

I'm with you OP.

I think when someone makes a personal joke about someone they are actually showing how they really feel but are saying "its a joke" so they can get away with it.

She said it was just a joke and I was overreacting.

OP posts:
AcquadiP · 16/02/2025 15:21

SandraSprocket · 16/02/2025 15:06

I should start by saying I'm neuro diverse, I have ADHD and I take at face value what people say to me, in general terms anyway. I often don't get nuances of jokes and teasing. I don't make jokes to others either.

Last night I was watching the 1% Club with my friend and I got all the answers right except the 1% one. She called me a big head. I told her I wasn't a big head and she got annoyed with me telling me she's sick of me taking things literally.

I had a book published last year and she said "I bet your head's so swollen you can't get through the door." I didn't understand why she'd say that, I was asked to write a book and I did it. Job done. Though I can see it's an achievement I'm not arrogant or up myself.

Do you think I'm oversensitive? I don't know how to tell people not to joke with me like this. It doesn't happen a lot but I feel foolish and awkward when it does.

It sounds as though your friend might be a little bit jealous of your intellect and capabilities hence her "jokes." I don't think you're being overly sensitive, OP.

ItGhoul · 16/02/2025 16:49

I think you do sound over-sensitive. ‘All right, bighead!’ is the standard response to that kind of thing in my family. It doesn’t mean we actually think that about each other.

VashtaNerada · 16/02/2025 16:54

Jokes like this only work if both of you find it funny. There are friends who say the most awful things to each other but they both find it genuinely funny and it’s fine. But other friends don’t make jokes like this at all. If only one person is laughing, it’s not kind. Your friend has the problem here, not you.

takealettermsjones · 16/02/2025 16:54

She sounds like a horrible person. The right response to a friend having a book published is that's amazing, congratulations, I'm so proud of you. Not stupid playground insults.

ohyesido · 16/02/2025 17:12

"Bighead" is a put down particularly if OP wasn't tooting their own horn while getting trivia questions right.

I was particularly good at spelling in primary school, I never mentioned it to anyone but when my fellow pupils noticed I suddenly became a "show off".

It's not oversensitivity OP, it's envy and inadequacy that your friend is experiencing

Closetheblinds · 16/02/2025 21:43

You are not over sensitive, your friend is insensitive. They should know that you wouldn’t necessarily get the “joke” and shouldn’t be making it towards you. I can’t imagine saying things that could taken as an insult to someone who is ND.

Thirteenblackcat · 16/02/2025 21:45

She sounds jealous and insecure, tell her if she wants to tell jokes to at least try be funny

discdiscsnap · 16/02/2025 22:20

Jokes are supposed to be funny. She's having a dog at you and covering it up with "it's just a joke" so then you're the one with the issue.

LittleGreenDragons · 16/02/2025 22:43

It's not oversensitivity OP, it's envy and inadequacy that your friend is experiencing.

PP is correct, she is trying to bring you down so she feels better about herself. Your friend isn't really your friend and it might be time to distance yourself a little.

Original poster
SandraSprocket · 16/02/2025 22:52

I ended up feeling guilty for retaliating. This friend is really wrapped up in herself and she's forgotten I'm ND. She just sees me as a smarty pants.

OP posts:
Thirteenblackcat · 16/02/2025 23:18

I’d take a step back from her for now. Well done on your book publication

Teanbiscuits33 · 17/02/2025 03:30

In this house we do joke with each other about being a big head or such, but in a light hearted way. In this case, however, it does sound like your friend is envious of your intellect as she has form for saying it in multiple contexts and she sounds quite snippy telling you ‘your head is so swollen’ after writing a book.

She’s insecure, just silently pity her and stop having much to do with her. She sounds like she might be bitchy about you when you’re not around!

TinyFlamingo · 17/02/2025 04:09

If you said, "you got every answer wrong you're a dumdum"

She got offended and you said but I was joking

How would you feel about that? Would she be right to feel hurt? Yes! It's the same this way round.

I'm sorry she doesn't sound like a friend, she's having a dig and then blaming you for your predictable and reasonable hurt feelings.

Even if you do have RSD # friend would can about that!

Jealous and petty and a fake friend IMO

User0103 · 17/02/2025 04:24

ItGhoul · 16/02/2025 16:49

I think you do sound over-sensitive. ‘All right, bighead!’ is the standard response to that kind of thing in my family. It doesn’t mean we actually think that about each other.

So why do you say stuff you don’t mean?

It’s one thing getting a braggart to stop being obnoxious, but what’s OP done that deserves the little dig.
What is it about achievement that gets your goat.

verycloakanddaggers · 17/02/2025 06:31

Your friend is the one in the wrong here, not you. Her jokes are not jokes, they're digs.

Original poster
SandraSprocket · 17/02/2025 06:51

User0103 · 17/02/2025 04:24

So why do you say stuff you don’t mean?

It’s one thing getting a braggart to stop being obnoxious, but what’s OP done that deserves the little dig.
What is it about achievement that gets your goat.

Show quote history

See that's what I don't get. I know it's because I'm ND though but I don't understand ribbing people with insults that are meant to be affectionate as it confuses my brain somehow! Much easier to say what you mean and mean what you say..

I'm always reminded of the book Notes on a Scandal (or it could have been said in the film) that someone said to a character "we must meet up again" and the character believed them and they were seen as annoying for trying to keep in touch. I find that upsetting.

OP posts:
scalt · 17/02/2025 07:03

I used to be like this, all through childhood, right up to being a young adult; I hated any kind of teasing, any jokes at all at my expense, however small, and I used to cry about it. It's one reason (of many) I didn't enjoy the company of other people. It still jars when I hear people do it, even if it's not about me.

However, I've gradually learned that people do it all the time. One thing that helped me was daring to tease somebody else myself, who I knew could handle it. It felt like a massive step though, against all my principles. There is certainly a difference between light-hearted teasing, and a nasty dig, which I used to find very difficult to understand.

As for your particular friend, does she say nice things the rest of the time?

Original poster
SandraSprocket · 17/02/2025 07:13

@scalt sometimes she does yes.

OP posts:
Thirteenblackcat · 17/02/2025 07:43

ItGhoul · 16/02/2025 16:49

I think you do sound over-sensitive. ‘All right, bighead!’ is the standard response to that kind of thing in my family. It doesn’t mean we actually think that about each other.

your family don’t sound nice

scalt · 17/02/2025 07:46

Rosie and Jim (who remembers them?) keep calling each other "Noggin", as a mild tease. Does that make them not very nice people?

LuckyDeer · 17/02/2025 07:51

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Serpenting · 17/02/2025 07:55

SandraSprocket · 16/02/2025 22:52

I ended up feeling guilty for retaliating. This friend is really wrapped up in herself and she's forgotten I'm ND. She just sees me as a smarty pants.

Why is your neurodivergence relevant, though? I’m neurotypical and frequently get all the questions right in tv quizzes. DS thinks I am missing out on a life of fame and fortune.

ItGhoul · 17/02/2025 07:57

Thirteenblackcat · 17/02/2025 07:43

your family don’t sound nice

Show quote history

My family are all lovely, kind, warm, affectionate people. We give each other compliments all the time. None of us is offended or upset by gentle teasing. It’s humour.

Not everyone is earnest and serious and literal with each other all the time. It doesn’t mean they don’t like each other or that they aren’t kind. My family joke around and tease each other. My friends are the same. The sentiment is the key thing, not the words. I appreciate that some people (like the OP says she does, due to her neurodivergence) struggle with those nuances, but I’m simply making the point that her friend probably doesn’t mean to upset her.