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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Buying house with partner

118 replies

WhoevenamIinlife · 16/02/2025 08:35

So I own my own home - I purchased it with sales from my old ex marital home to live with my 2 DD.

Few years later I meet new partner he moves in pays 50% of running costs. We have another baby. Partner on a salary of £35k so unable to save much. Has no savings before meeting me or own property.

We want to get a bigger place and partner wants to get on property ladder.

Issues arising - he is a contractor on £650 a day so income is huge but not a permanent contract. He has saved near £10k since December so I know he is able to save but nowhere near to match equity in my home already. I should have about £300 - £350k by the time we want to buy. He obviously cannot match that but does want 50/50 ownership and has suggested I put down the deposit and he will cover all mortgage payments forever... so at the end of the mortgage he would've paid off the same as I put in if not more.
My concerns - it's contracting not guaranteed and what If we decide to go our own ways. How can I protect my deposit, allow him to feel he's 50% owner but also get the bigger home we need for the children.

AIBU in feeling uncomfortable about his proposition? I trust him but I need to protect my assesses especially as I have been working hard over paying to have as much equity as I do.

OP posts:
AcquadiP · 16/02/2025 19:23

Please seek legal advice before agreeing to anything.

GreenBlueYellowPink · 16/02/2025 19:36

HRTFT but I’ve been thinking about putting a thread up generally to talk about us all protecting ourselves financially.

I trusted DH 100%. I wish wish wish I’d been given advice to protect myself financially.

Please protect yourself totally.

cestlavielife · 16/02/2025 20:11

He is on 35k
He is on 650 a day

Which is it?

Protect your equity
Speak to a lawyer

VivaVictoria · 16/02/2025 20:21

cestlavielife · 16/02/2025 20:11

He is on 35k
He is on 650 a day

Which is it?

Protect your equity
Speak to a lawyer

He has a high daily rate but he doesn't work 365 days a year.

On average, his annual income is £35K.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 16/02/2025 20:25

I'm sure you can protect your deposit. Speak to a solicitor.

I personally wouldn't do it.

I would rent out your home, leaving it willed for your children and get a separate mortgage on a second property with him, splitting the deposit equally.

Let him save for another year.

VivaVictoria · 16/02/2025 20:25

You may find it's hard to get a mortgage including his income @WhoevenamIinlife
If he's self-employed, he will need 2 years' certified accounts to prove his income.

If he works part time, on different contracts, he will still need to show a history of income and savings over several years.

This could be why he's not been able to buy a place on his own.

You need to see a solicitor and a financial advisor.

VivaVictoria · 16/02/2025 20:27

I would rent out your home, leaving it willed for your children and get a separate mortgage on a second property with him, splitting the deposit equally.

Currently he's only got £10K as a deposit.

This would be a very small amount.

There is no guarantee that the OP could get a 2nd mortgage (his earnings are not regular).

venusandmars · 16/02/2025 20:28

I think the only good thing in this is that you are looking at a 16 month timescale for making a decision, until your fixed term deal runs out.

That gives you time to see whether he can save at the same rate (or whether his employment is more 'variable'). If he saved £10K in 2 months, at then end of the 16 months he might have another £80K, so circa £90K in total.

Your equity and his combined would be £440K. So based on % input, he might own 20% and you might own 80%. But then what? How much will you each pay towards the shared mortage - equal amounts? How much will you both have left to spend or save? How will you adjust the percentages over time if the value of the property changes, or if one of you adds savings to pay down the shared mortgage? If the roof blows off will you pay 20/80 towards the repair or equal amounts, or will he have more savings and pay a bigger % in return for a larger % share in the equity of your home? And so many other possible scenarios...

I think the worrying aspect is that your dp is either financially naive, or he is conning you.

Despite being a high earning contractor he comes to the relationship with no assets, no savings, and some debt. Of course there could be many understandable reasons for that. He made an extremely naive proposal that you would put in all the deposit (or 97%) of it, but in exchange for 50/50 ownership he would 'promise' to pay all the mortgage repayments.

Except he's a contractor, so may suddenly find himself not getting paid [that's what happened to me when COVID hit]. So what then?

Or after 2 years everything between you breaks down. He leaves with half of your £350K.

I know you're not going to do that @WhoevenamIinlife you're going to protect your deposit, but he is either very naive to make those suggestions, or very cunning.

It is also intersting that whatever you have suggested by way of alternative compromise, he has been instantly amenable to - whether that's TIC with different shares, or waiting it out for 16 months, or you both putting in the same amount of deposit and you doing something else with your remaining capital... All of these choices have different outcomes for you, and for him. They need really careful and well considered professional advice for each of you independently and together. So his quick agreement to each proposal again smacks of financial naivety, or possibly of him agreeing with whatever you say to gain your trust, stop you being concerned or make you feel you don't need proper external advice.

None of us know what the truth might be, but please be cautious.

WhoevenamIinlife · 16/02/2025 20:40

venusandmars · 16/02/2025 20:28

I think the only good thing in this is that you are looking at a 16 month timescale for making a decision, until your fixed term deal runs out.

That gives you time to see whether he can save at the same rate (or whether his employment is more 'variable'). If he saved £10K in 2 months, at then end of the 16 months he might have another £80K, so circa £90K in total.

Your equity and his combined would be £440K. So based on % input, he might own 20% and you might own 80%. But then what? How much will you each pay towards the shared mortage - equal amounts? How much will you both have left to spend or save? How will you adjust the percentages over time if the value of the property changes, or if one of you adds savings to pay down the shared mortgage? If the roof blows off will you pay 20/80 towards the repair or equal amounts, or will he have more savings and pay a bigger % in return for a larger % share in the equity of your home? And so many other possible scenarios...

I think the worrying aspect is that your dp is either financially naive, or he is conning you.

Despite being a high earning contractor he comes to the relationship with no assets, no savings, and some debt. Of course there could be many understandable reasons for that. He made an extremely naive proposal that you would put in all the deposit (or 97%) of it, but in exchange for 50/50 ownership he would 'promise' to pay all the mortgage repayments.

Except he's a contractor, so may suddenly find himself not getting paid [that's what happened to me when COVID hit]. So what then?

Or after 2 years everything between you breaks down. He leaves with half of your £350K.

I know you're not going to do that @WhoevenamIinlife you're going to protect your deposit, but he is either very naive to make those suggestions, or very cunning.

It is also intersting that whatever you have suggested by way of alternative compromise, he has been instantly amenable to - whether that's TIC with different shares, or waiting it out for 16 months, or you both putting in the same amount of deposit and you doing something else with your remaining capital... All of these choices have different outcomes for you, and for him. They need really careful and well considered professional advice for each of you independently and together. So his quick agreement to each proposal again smacks of financial naivety, or possibly of him agreeing with whatever you say to gain your trust, stop you being concerned or make you feel you don't need proper external advice.

None of us know what the truth might be, but please be cautious.

I love that you took the time out to write such a response for me. And I appreciate your words of wisdom!

OP posts:
Swirlingceilings · 16/02/2025 20:41

WhoevenamIinlife · 16/02/2025 09:42

This is so useful thankyou. Can I ask who you went to to get the agreement written up.?

Our solicitor who we used for the purchase was able to do it for us.

WhoevenamIinlife · 16/02/2025 20:41

VivaVictoria · 16/02/2025 20:21

He has a high daily rate but he doesn't work 365 days a year.

On average, his annual income is £35K.

He used to be on 35k when we met in 2020.
since December 2023 has been contracting.

OP posts:
VivaVictoria · 16/02/2025 21:55

WhoevenamIinlife · 16/02/2025 20:41

He used to be on 35k when we met in 2020.
since December 2023 has been contracting.

It's unlikely he would be included on a joint mortgage if he has no regular employment. The loan would be in your name only.

I assume you know that everyone looking for a mortgage has to show copies of their bank account and regular earnings being paid in?

Is this something he knows, hence him saying you put in the deposit/ equity and he pays you some of the mortgage each month?

The reality is that it'll be your mortgage.

VivaVictoria · 17/02/2025 07:26

He used to be on 35k when we met in 2020.
since December 2023 has been contracting.

Is his income all above board- in other words is he having payments made to a bank account, not cash in hand, paying tax etc? He'll need that for a mortgage application.

I'm worried about his lack of savings.

If he's on £650 a day, and works 5 days a week, for a year (52 weeks) that £169,000.

I appreciate that he won't be working 52 weeks.
How much work has he actually had since he started contracting 14 months ago?

But to have only saved £10K since he started contracting 14 months ago isn't great.

Have you worked out why he's saved so little?
Do you know his outgoings etc?

cestlavielife · 17/02/2025 14:03

If he works only half the year on 659 a day that is 84k
So he should work as much as he can for 2 years to save a big deposit so you start from more equal footing and he shows he can actually earn and contribute

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 08:32

Don’t do it op just don’t
protect yourself and your son

WhoevenamIinlife · 22/02/2025 11:27

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 08:32

Don’t do it op just don’t
protect yourself and your son

I don't have a son 😭

OP posts:
Othermentions · 22/02/2025 14:47

WhoevenamIinlife · 22/02/2025 11:27

I don't have a son 😭

Two DDs then

leave your children’s home as their home with you op

the very fact he thinks this is reasonable screams this isn’t going to last

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 14:48

And the very fact that you began a relationship with a man In his thirties so crap with money he didn’t have a single asset to his name maybe indicates you aren’t the best judge of character when it comes to him

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