To feel annoyed DH cooked something he knows I don't like

[FleursDeFilles]

DH very rarely cooks. It's a combination of his long work hours (so doesn't get in in time to make anything) and he really never learned to cook anything. Anyway, for Valentines (yes, sorry, another Valentines thread) his gift to me was a meal cooked by himself. It was a surprise and I didn't know what it would be until he dished up. It was a food from his parents' country origin. It's really the only thing he knows how to make.
I said it tasted delicious because I didn't want him to feel sad after he went to all the effort. But he literally said "I know you don't like things cooked in tomato sauce but here you go".

AIBU to feel a bit miffed that he didn't at least try to make something else?

🙄

I voted YABU because you told him it was delicious when you didnt mean it. And are now complaining about it. You should have been straight with him. You dont have to be argumentative. You could have said, I appreciate the effort but I don't like tomatoes. A toasted cheese sandwich would be nice..... or whatever...

It's little resentments like this that build up over the years and ruin Relationships. Just communicate with him.

So he made you something where one of the main ingredients is something he knows you don’t like? For a special treat he made you something he knew you wouldn’t enjoy? Out of all the dishes in the world he could have made? Um..I think k is start only cooking things I liked whether he liked them or not and if there is something he really doesn’t like eating, that ingredient would be in every dish for the next month. Petty? Yes, but tough luck on him.

My wife has so many thinkgs she won’t eat, be it for religious purposes or preferences it’s a nightmare. I used to love cooking but shes’s completely put me off cooking. If it’s all he knows how to cook I don’t blame him going with it.

If it’s all he knows how to cook I don’t blame him going with it.

Surely he’s capable of reading a recipe? Watching a video? Using those transferable skills?

I have little patience with adults who "can't" cook. He can cook- it's a basic skill and following a recipe is within the capabilities of any adult who is capable of holding down a job. It is silly that you said you liked it though. Why? He knows you don't, you know you dont- no need for the lie. He disappointed you. He should know that.

The bar is literally in hell. The man knew you wouldn’t like it and cooked it anyway because no doubt he likes it and it’s easier to cook something you’re familiar with.

They are pathetic. Cook something he doesn’t like tomorrow and say ‘I know you don’t like it but here you go.’ Accompany that with a wink and refuse to engage in an argument.

Doesn’t sound even remotely like the same thing, you just want to moan about your wife, no one wants to hear it tbh because we all know she’s likely doing a million other things for you.

He KNEW she didn’t like it and made it anyway, she’s likely been conditioned into being polite like billions of us have. We can’t help it, we’ve spent our life being conditioned to be that way and he’s taking advantage of that by making something she doesn’t like as a present - lazy, cheap, unimaginative, insulting……

Really? She didn't ask him to cook. He decided to cook her a meal he knows she doesn't like as his gift to her.

or buying an actual present.

I would have not said it is delicious - I would have said this is what you give the woman you love - something you know she doesn't like? Yeah happy Valentine's day and ordered a takeaway and if he was 'upset' tough shit - he should use his brain. I would be making stuff I know he didn't like for the next week and tell him it is a sign of how much you love him.

Yeah this.

Being able to cook only ONE dish is a bit pathetic. People can learn to cook!

Aw, poor you, how awful it must be to be in your shoes.

Is that what you wanted to hear? Because fuck that, your wife has religious and dietary restrictions. It’s not even remotely a ‘nightmare’ – it’s completely normal, and you’re embarrassing yourself getting on here to complain about it.

My DH is a severely picky eater, I don’t eat a lot of foods, and we make it work just fine by experimenting and finding things we both like or making separate meals – it’s not exactly rocket science.

Agree!
Why on earth did you tell him you liked it?

He can't follow a recipe or remember what you like. Sounds like a catch.

YABU.
mixed messages here. He knows you don’t like things cooked in tomato sauce, but the exception is his dish because you’ve said it is delicious.

It’s a bit like someone saying they don’t like cheese but then say they think cheese cake is delicious.

Or saying normally they can’t stand jalapeño peppers but with nachos that’s yummy.

You know the saying, there is an exception to every rule. That’s what you’ve told him. That his dish is the exception to your rule.

These resentments all come from dishonesty in communication.

This is a weird one.
He sounds like he’s done something really nice for you but the base ingredient is the one you really don’t like? And then on top of that he said “I know you don’t like this…” and you ended with “it was nice”.
I think I’ve gone through the same rollercoaster of “awww… wait… hang on… wtf?” as you OP probably for the same “women should be grateful” reasons we’ve all been dragged up on.

I think you can rectify your comments without causing conflict by just saying “look I know I said I liked it but honestly, I didn’t. And you knew I wouldn’t. I appreciate the effort of you cooking a meal but next time please can you cook something you know I will like, whether that means following a recipe or even choosing an easier meal” blah blah something like that.

Well no, he decided to cook her a dish that she has told him is “delicious”
The doesn’t like things cooked in tomato sauce is a general rule and obviously his special dish is the delicious exception because she told him so.

DH also can’t cook, it’s not that he can’t follow a recipe, but the desire to fuck about with it at some stage to make it inedible, is too strong.
The last meal he made me was haggis, I don’t really eat meat much anyway, I especially don’t like things like sausages. He had to go buy me a takeaway.

Can he read? Is he a fking idiot? Why can’t he read a simple recipe?

Not being able to cook is not a thing. Laziness is a thing, however.

So I went downstairs and asked how he made the decision to make it and he said he knew it was something he could make and he didn't want to risk messing it up. And then he asked if I really did like it. And I said no, because I don't like things in tomato sauce but I said it was well made nonetheless (which it was, for example, chicken cooked nicely and not dry and overcooked, potatoes weren't undercooked etc).

And then I said the last time I said I didn't like what he made, he didn't cook for three years - once upon a time ages ago I said I'd like him to help more with cooking and he said I was too picky and it put him off cooking. And so I said to him tonight, it's too much of a gamble to tell him it was bad in case he won't cook anything for the next 3 years. He said he will cook me a stew next weekend. And then asked me what exactly is a stew.......

Ok, well work with that. In a way as he is new to cooking, he has no bad habits. My American DH thought he could cook when we got together, but he can’t. Think of the videos of foil pans with raw chicken where you then add a bottle of ketchup, a tin of sweet corn, and some uncooked rice, cover and stick in the oven. Or you make a giant ball of mince steak and put it in a foil pan with cut up potatoes, carrots, and onion…a layer of ketchup cover and bake.

Yeech.

So for awhile we would cook together so not only could he learn to cook properly, but also learn to cook things the way we both like them (he’s always loved my cooking). Once we had cooked together our favourites, he was able to do it himself.

If you don’t have kids you should retire from cooking.

I'm a fucking shit cook and even I can make more than one thing😂

So you don’t like lasagne, speghetti and meatballs, tomato soup or baked ziti. Simple marina,. No tomatoes at all ever, or is it the seasoning. Doesn’t really matter. It’s only bc I love most American made Italian food. Chicken Parmesan? Just wondering if it’s the seasoning.