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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel annoyed DH cooked something he knows I don't like

68 replies

FleursDeFilles · 15/02/2025 22:28

DH very rarely cooks. It's a combination of his long work hours (so doesn't get in in time to make anything) and he really never learned to cook anything. Anyway, for Valentines (yes, sorry, another Valentines thread) his gift to me was a meal cooked by himself. It was a surprise and I didn't know what it would be until he dished up. It was a food from his parents' country origin. It's really the only thing he knows how to make.
I said it tasted delicious because I didn't want him to feel sad after he went to all the effort. But he literally said "I know you don't like things cooked in tomato sauce but here you go".

AIBU to feel a bit miffed that he didn't at least try to make something else?

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 16/02/2025 01:11

Stew is the easiest thing in the world to cook. It’s a good place to start! Teach him exactly how you like it and then he can’t get it wrong.

Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:12

Do you like pizza, I know, I’m being annoying but most foods have some kind of tomato product in it.

Fencehedge · 16/02/2025 01:13

This isn't a gift, he should be cooking half the week! Get him told.

FleursDeFilles · 16/02/2025 01:16

Oh my goodness, the description of recipes you've given is the stuff of nightmares @SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice!

DH is similar to @KingTutting 's DH and will stray from a given recipe - with the creativity of a 10 year old. For example, he once made me minty mashed potatoes. He was doing ok with the addition of salt, black pepper and cheese... And then mint.

@ki
Edit: sorry can't untag the random ki

OP posts:
Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:19

I see your point now. My son doesn’t like most things unless it has chicken in it, amazingly chicken parm and all things parm except eggplant the best.

FleursDeFilles · 16/02/2025 01:19

@Devianinc all fair questions! I don't mind pizza, but would much prefer a white base pizza. I think you might be right with the seasoning idea because for example, I would never ever go for a shakshuka but might consider a lasagne.

OP posts:
Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:25

Those are very specific spices definitely not everyone likes that cumin or whatever spices are in it. You’re not alone in your taste. Most people don’t like egg thing. Some people hate eggs period but he definitely made something he wanted to eat. So make him something he doesn’t like next time. Fun times. Sometimes you have to show them exactly what you mean. Lol

Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:29

Fencehedge · 16/02/2025 01:13

This isn't a gift, he should be cooking half the week! Get him told.

I trusting he’s not a good cook and he was supposed to make her something she liked but he made something he liked instead.

Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:31

It’s really the audacity and uncaring that’s the problem. It’s all about him.

CarolinaWren · 16/02/2025 01:34

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/02/2025 22:42

If it’s all he knows how to cook I don’t blame him going with it.

Surely he’s capable of reading a recipe? Watching a video? Using those transferable skills?

He could have purchased a takeout meal she enjoys, if he really couldn't be bothered cooking something she likes.

Happyinarcon · 16/02/2025 01:40

I can see it from your husbands point of view, some people were bought up having to eat everything and while they have food preferences they are happy enough to eat everything. I once went into an icecream shop and got my husband a strawberry sobet because he prefers sobet, but I was soon to discover he only likes lemon sorbet and feels there’s is a huge taste difference between strawberry and lemon sorbet. To me sorbet is sobet. Speaking for myself I HATE when people put sultanas in curries but if my husband made me this dish for my birthday I’d eat it and be happy anyway.

Maxorias · 16/02/2025 01:46

Regardless of whether he can learn to cook or not, if he can't cook anything but stuff you don't like he could have picked another gift...

ThisFluentBiscuit · 16/02/2025 02:02

Why on earth would he cook you something he knows you don't like? That's just weird.

Reminds me of when my good friend bought me a product from a skincare line that was the only unscented thing they carry, when I'd told her the thing I liked best about the brand was its scents.

I really don't know where people's heads are sometimes.

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/02/2025 02:12

Happyinarcon · 16/02/2025 01:40

I can see it from your husbands point of view, some people were bought up having to eat everything and while they have food preferences they are happy enough to eat everything. I once went into an icecream shop and got my husband a strawberry sobet because he prefers sobet, but I was soon to discover he only likes lemon sorbet and feels there’s is a huge taste difference between strawberry and lemon sorbet. To me sorbet is sobet. Speaking for myself I HATE when people put sultanas in curries but if my husband made me this dish for my birthday I’d eat it and be happy anyway.

You'd be happy and eat it anyway if he knew you didn't like sultanas in curries, knew it but did it anyway when it's so easy to leave them out?

Why? It's just thoughtless.

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/02/2025 02:12

It's pathetic that he's a grown man and can only cook one thing. He needs to be doing more of it and will never learn if he doesn't do it.

EdithBond · 16/02/2025 02:46

Wilful incompetence is thoughtless.

Scorchio84 · 16/02/2025 02:47

This is a bit shit.. I've cooked steak for my various OH's over the years... they eat, I eat something else... it's never a fait accompli Ta Dah eat everyone, he knows you don't eat tomato based food, odd as that is, my OH doesn't cook me offal

Like if I forced Poitín on him... if he was a Budweiser man

pikkumyy77 · 16/02/2025 02:48

Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:12

Do you like pizza, I know, I’m being annoying but most foods have some kind of tomato product in it.

You are being really annoying.

Myotherusernameiswaybetter · 16/02/2025 03:00

Are you going to do the same thing to him for his birthday?

Codlingmoths · 16/02/2025 03:08

Devianinc · 16/02/2025 01:29

I trusting he’s not a good cook and he was supposed to make her something she liked but he made something he liked instead.

He’s just lazy. Anyone can cook who tries. He hasn’t tried. My dh didn’t cook when we married, did that strategic incompetence thing and cooked shite, I said I expected to marry a capable adult and capable adults who can read can also cook. The op failed once in happily cooking for 3 years for a man who couldn’t be arsed, I’d say from now on he cooks every Saturday, following a recipe exactly, and if he wants to throw some totally random stuff in there there won’t be any more cooked meals for him weeknights, it’s so disrespectful. Recipetineats is an AMAZING blog for new cooks as well as experienced ones- she does videos and lots of notes about what’s ok to change and what’s important to do exactly as said. Pick him a recipe, and tell him to get cooking.

Kitkat189 · 16/02/2025 03:14

At least he remembered you don’t like it 😂 on the rare occasion my dh cooks (which is ok, I enjoy cooking and have more time etc) he makes one of the two foods I can’t eat, and seems genuinely confused when I tell him. We’ve been together for 20 years now

Canipickmyselfup · 16/02/2025 03:26

Lexima · 15/02/2025 22:56

Really? She didn't ask him to cook. He decided to cook her a meal he knows she doesn't like as his gift to her.

Yep, gift giving to themselves when it’s for someone else is piss poor. The phrase it’s the thought that counts springs to mind and in this case there was f all thought for the op

Embarrassednamechangethis · 16/02/2025 04:20

Getting a reward for "trying" if they, in actuality, did not is not going to end well. Even if it takes a long time to brew, the blast will come out eventually.

Forgive me, for I am about to rant and it's embarrassing and personal. Not outing though because no one else know but me and DH.

Mine kept buying me a box of chocolates for every occasion. I don't really like chocolate. I would say thanks in a lack lustre manner, hoping he'd take the hint. I told him outright on many occasions away from the gift giving moment how I don't really like chocolate but he always seemed to "forget". Nothing ever changed. He'd just end up eating most of them.

It came to a head on Christmas lunchtime. At midnight, he had presented me a large box of chocolates.
"They're Thornton's", he exclaimed with a slight nod to the box and a flourish, looking pleased with himself for upping me from a box Dairy Box or Milk Tray. He appeared to be expecting a gushing round of applause. We have a lot more spare cash than last year, you see so he could justify the extremely extra four pounds. He'd wanged it in the trolley because they were on special offer at a tenner, down from fifteen, I presume). My face went dead. I keep myself contained and my voice even as I simmered underneath before going to bed. My rage grew as the time crept towards morning. He slept peacefully. I did not. "Just be grateful. Be polite. Don't be grabby", I told myself all night and through breakfast. I waited to see if anything else more suitable was going to appear. Maybe something more suitable for a FUCKING RECENTLY DIAGNOSED FUCKING DIABETIC WITH TOTALLY UNCONTROLLED BLOOD GLUCOSE LEVELS. Maybe something like the £300 worth of new clothes I'd got him. But no, the only thing he got me was the Ta-Da drum roll please....Thornton's. A lovely big box of SUGAR for a diabetic who is still awaiting the second blood test before the GP will provide anything to aid in the control of bmy insanely high blood sugar levels. It got to 1pm. Three hours of, "what's the matter. I know somethings the matter". Ooh...ooh...I forgot. There was another "gift". I forgot that for a moment there. He put thirty pounds in a Christmas card on top of the chocolate box. I'm HOUSEBOUND with the serious heart condition, the drugs for which triggered the diabetes. So, the £30 went straight back in his wallet because I can't go out to fucking spend.

I cracked at the point he expected me to start yummng on the choccies.

I put one in my mouth and started to chew it and the sugar just blasted me and I spat it out and burst out crying. What the fuck was I doing, risking hospitalisation to make him feel less of an evil cunt.

The fight that ensued had to be seen to be believed. I remember there was a lot of "you bought an unmedicated DIABETIC a box containing half a pound of FUCKING SUGAR"!?!

The rotten cunt had watched me taking my blood glucose and cutting out all sugar from my diet that I could for three months at that point.

He ended up with all the chocolates, apart from the one I spat out, in the end. I'm not sure he enjoyed receiving them much though, considering he received them all in one go as I launched the open box smack in the middle of his face. He wasn't too keen on picking them up of the floor to eat them, rather strangely.

Tackle it. Don't let it fester. Despite the momentary feeling of deep satisfaction as that full box of chocolate smacked DH square in the centre of his mush, I have to say I'd rather not have had the experience at all. Let them know or it will never charge.

2catsandhappy · 16/02/2025 05:52

Not quite the point I know, I wonder if you agreed some Gousto recipes together, and he only used what is in the box? No random add ins. Just what is on the photo card.
People have to start somewhere, there are money off codes for first time users too. Train him to clean up as he goes along!

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 16/02/2025 06:02

@Devianinc
‘Most people don’t like egg thing.’

Egg Thing?

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